Post # 1
My sister has been dating this guy for just over a year now. This is her first boyfriend so she isn’t sure what things in a relationship are unacceptable and which things she is just over reacting to. I have told her what I think of the situation, but I am her sister, so I am biased for her sake. I thought I could put her situation on here to see what you guys think of what’s going on and maybe give her some good view points.
Her and I were traveling this summer for a month. While we were away her boyfriend took a girl from work out to the drive in movies and, on another night, took her to the fireworks show. Just the two of them. He did tell my sister about this, but when she told him this made her a little uncomfortable he immediately mocked her for it. He now still brings up this fact to tease her from time to time.
My sister is always going to his family functions. Always. However, on her birthday when she invited him to our family’s house for her birthday dinner, he said, last minute, that he was tired from work so hewent home and relaxed, but he came over after dinner to pick her up so they could hang out with his friends.
Most recently, his friends are trying to plan a Halloween gathering but he was also invited to a Halloween party on campus by a girl in his class. He told my sister that if the thing with his friends doesn’t happen he will be going to the Halloween party with this girl. He did not invite my sister.
Thoughts? I am not happy with the guy, but what do you all think?
Post # 2
All three are unacceptable.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
What an ass!!! Dump him. He is screwing other people and he is using her big time for when it’s convenient for him. She needs to have more confidence in herself and not put up with his bull crap. He is emotionally and mentally abusing her and it will only get worse it time the more she allows it.
Dump his sorry lame, non respectful ass and let him be someone else’s problem.
Post # 4
Totally unacceptable. He’s being all kinds of shady.
She should dump him, induldge in a little Ben and Jerry’s, then hit the town with girlfriends (possibly on different nights. Ice cream and liquor don’t mix).
Post # 5
Totally unacceptable and you need to show your sister this thread because he’s an asshole. Relationships are give and take and he’s totally using your sister as a ‘go-to’ when he’s feeling lonely or has no one elsel lined up to hang out with, dump his ass!
Been there, done that before!
Post # 6
adnama: He doesn’t sound like a total jerk to me, he just sounds like a young immature guy who isn’t ready to be in a serious relationship. How old is he? I’m guessing he’s 17-22? Honestly this sounds like the kind of thing I would pull with my early boyfriends. I was like 18 and in a way too serious relationship. I consistently did stuff like this because in reality I just wasn’t ready to be in a committed relationship. Of course the relationship ended, and I was single for a few years before meeting my FI. At that point I was ready for a real relationship, I’d gotten the crazy partying and sleeping around out of my system. So I definitely acted like a jerk to some early boyfriends, at the time I didn’t know why I was doing it, but now I can see it.
I think she should move on- it sounds like he’s still in the phase where he wants to be free to explore all of his options. Even if he isn’t trying to, it will just end up with her being hurt. She’s probably wasting her time if she wants something serious.
Post # 7
Yep, dump him and move on. I don’t like that he mocked her about how he essentially took a girl on some dates while your sister was out of town. I also don’t like that he seems to be treating her like she’s not worth anything to him. It doesn’t seem like he’s a boyfriend at all, or at least doesn’t think he is.
Post # 8
Situation 1: Your sister should explain to her BF that his reaction is insensitive.
Situation 2: Your sister should explain that she was disappointed that he didn’t join your family event.
Situation 3: Your sister should explain that she was hurt that he didn’t consider her in his Halloween plans.
In general, this young man is not ready for a serious, committed relationship and your sister should view the relationship in the same way that he does. She should feel free to go out with other male friends as well.
Post # 9
adnama: I feel like there is information missing from situation 2 – such as, how often does she invite him to your family’s house? Does he always reject the invitation? I had a long-distance boyfriend who I really wanted to meet my family, but he refused – he said, “if they want to meet me, they’ll fly out to see me.” So I can understand that if he always dodges your family that it would be very unacceptable.
However, situations 1 and 3 are defintely unacceptable.
Post # 10
All are unacceptable. It sounds like he may just have her as back up attention…
Post # 11
swonderful: I think you have the right idea of it. He isnt a bad person, just immature.
I think the problem is that he is a really nice person most of the time. He just seems ignorant that things he does are not okay, even when he is told. To be fair to the guy, he does give her very thoughtful gifts.
damarajade: no we don’t have family events that often, which is why he doesn’t come out that much. It was mostly that it was her birthday and he just chose not to attend.
Post # 12
The thing about mocking her feelings really rubs me wrong. That is not just clueless- it’s mean.
Post # 13
adnama: sounds like he’s young, immature, and not committed. Your sister is probably equally young and doesn’t need to waste her time with him. Tell her to dump him and go have fun with her friends until a better guy comes along.
Post # 14
adnama: Asshole. Dump him. He obviously doesn’t respect her, or your family.
She’ll only end up unhappy and misterable if she continues to stay with him. My guess is when(if) she decides to leave him, he’ll beg her not to. Make sure she doesn’t fall for it.
Post # 15
How old is your sister OP? When I was like 18/19/20 and dated guys my age, I put up with stupid stuff like this. Then I dated a few other guys and I matured more and realized that was shitty behaviour on their part. All of those are shady. But I am most concerned about #1 and #3, the fact that your sister is exclusive with this guy and he took another chick to the drive in and out to fireworks and is tagging along with a girl to a party without asking your sister what she is up to for Halloween. Guys only do the fireworks/drive in kind of stuff with girls they like in my experience.
I hope you show your sister this thread. He’s an asshole and doesn’t respect her as much as he should.