My sister really let me down, bummer.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Have you straight up said to her I REALLY need you to be there for me to help set up tomorrow? Without you guys it will just be me and FI? They may not know you don’t have other help which doesn’t excuse her behaviour but you need to be direct if you haven’t been already. her attitidue really sucks and I’m so sorry this is happening the day before your wedding but it might still be fixable.

Post # 4
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m so sorry 🙁 

Post # 7
1254 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

LadyMoriarty:  That really sucks 🙁 Try not to let it ruin your day.  If I lived near you, I’d come and help.   And re: asking your friends – lots of my friends were so happy to help if we needed them, people can surprise you. Obviously you don’t want to dump too much on a person but I wouldn’t be afraid to ask a very close friend for a hand.

Post # 8
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013


LadyMoriarty:  Do you think she is jealous? Is she the type of girl that always needs to have the attention on her? Maybe she is jelaous and this is her way of reacting because it’s not about her? Otherwise she just sounds like she is a lazy lousy sister. It’s really unfair of her to build your hopes up and not deliver one bit..

Post # 9
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

LadyMoriarty:  At the end of the day it is your wedding so you are responsible for the set up and everything to do with it. It sucks that she offered but hasn’t followed through but things change. Maybe she feels like you wont appreciate it and that you feel entitled to her time since she is just a SAHM?

Post # 10
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Villa Celeste

Maybe you could have a conversation with her, and tell her that you’re hurt. That always seems to go better than coming from an angry approach. It can probably wait till after the wedding, but I do agree with PP that it is your wedding, and your responsibility nonetheless. Just try to push it to the side for now, and work with what you’ve got. Ultimately, you’re getting ready for what will be a great day, so try to find joy in that amidst the chaos.

From what you’ve described, perhaps your sister is feeling a bit jealous given that this is an exciting time for you and she seems unhappy with her current situation. My advice would be to try and not let that affect you. And yes, it may seem strange having your FBIL helping, but I’d just take up the offer. At this point, if you really need the help–take it.

Post # 11
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Girl, I know how you feel. Everyone in my wedding was from out of town. My sister was one of my bridesmaids, and also one of the most selfish people that I know. I felt awful asking them for help when they got to the wedding weekend. But at the same time, they were all waiting for my direction. I realized that I couldn’t do it all myself and that my wedding was a family affiar, meaning that they had to HELP. Speak your mind, let people know you need them. And not through  a third hand source (your mom). I just makes them feel mad and gossipy. 

Post # 12
663 posts
Busy bee

Think of it this way, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that she’s not helping with setup… from what you’re describing it sounds like she’ll criticize stuff and be negative, which is NOT something you need on your wedding day. Your in-laws are probably happy to help, don’t think of it as something they judge you for! If they didn’t want to help they wouldn’t have offered, and they’re probably excited about being a part of the big day. Focus less on your complainy sister and instead focus on the people who ARE supporting you and it’ll help you feel better. 

Post # 13
3797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I know you said your mother said something to her, but I think you need to say something to her. Remind her she had said she would help you out and you really need help. If she gets mad, that’s her decision, but you shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help. If no one helps you and things don’t get done, you won’t have a wedding. Usually there are a bunch of people who are willing to help if you just ask. Don’t feel bad. You are not asking anyone to do anything too extreme–just help out with last minute wedding stuff. Your friends will most likely gladly help out. As for your sister, just be direct with her. Explain you really need help, but instead of being vague and expecting her to just jump into helping, give her a direct request. “Can you help me with abc or xyz?” this way it’s just the one task (for the moment) and has a definite start and end. I’ve found I get more help with wedding related stuff if I ask for specific help. 

Post # 14
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’d hate to ask your friends to work DURING your wedding, but setting up is another story.  Don’t be shy about asking any of your friends to help.  If they’re close enough to attend your wedding and bring a gift, they can spend half an hour setting up a few chairs.  

Post # 15
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

LadyMoriarty: Ugh… I know exactly how much it can hurt when you’ve relied on someone to help you with the set up and that person then bail on you. However, your sister is just adding insult to injury by making everything about herself AND being rude to you. I would just keep my distance from her as much as I possibly could, and if she starts to complain again you’re perfectly in your right to say, “You know, I’m sorry to hear that you’re so unhappy, but I honestly don’t have time to listen to your complaints. Since FI and I are the only ones doing the set up for our wedding, that’s all I can, and want, to focus on right now”.

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