Post # 1
So my sister (who hasn’t talked to me in almost six months because we don’t get along and she doesn’t like my boyfriend) sent me a message on Facebook today. It started out good, with her saying that she wants to start the new year out right and start over and have a better relationship with me. However, then she said, “Mom says you’ve set a date for your wedding. You never even found out if we could make it that day before picking something out. The date you picked makes it really hard for us to try to come because of something going on with Andrew’s (her husband) job that week. So we may not be able to be there. Is your date set in stone or do you just not care enough that we are there? I also just wanted to let you know that while you’re enjoying all your happily ever after stuff, there are other people in this world that do love you and want to be a part of your life too and it kinda hurts to be excluded.”
I’m sorry, but she’s the one who chose not to have contact with me for thos six months. So why should I change my wedding date just because her husband (who I’m not close to, anyways) may not be able to make it? And why should I have been including her when she hasn’t been speaking to me? I’m so fustrated right now.
My fiancé told me to just ignore her, and that we’re not going to change the wedding date just for her. Not that we really have a choice, seeing as that’s the only date that will work for us this summer, anyways. But I still can’t help but be mad and fustrated at her accusations. Am I wrong for this? Or should I just ignore her, and if she doesn’t make it, then oh well?
Post # 3
Wow, sorry you are going through with this. I think a lot of your answers for your questions have to do with if you want to have a better relationship with your sister. If you do then I would let her know that you are very happy and would love the chance to become closer. Then tell her that unfortunatly the date of the wedding is the only date that works for you guys so yes it is set in stone. But if it is her husbands job that is the problem perhaps she can come without him. You can even send a piece of cake home with her for him. Or if it is not possible for her to come without him then let her know that you can make a copy of the wedding video for her and take lots of pictures. However, if you have no desire to be any closer with your sister I would just ignore the message and move on with your life. But you do what makes YOU happy!
Post # 4
It’s your wedding you shouldn’t have to change the date for anyone unless it’s an absolute emergency. Plus she hasn’t talked to you for 6 months.
Post # 5
At least she is reaching out to you – in a funny way. Explain to her, it’s the only weekend available and you will love to have her there. The rest is up to her.
Post # 6
I hope your 2013 is fantastic to. ____ and I are looking forward to all that it has to offer us. I’m sorry for the inconvienience regarding Andrew’s workplace obligations. Unfortunatly as it stands now, this close to the wedding, we are unable to reschedule without losing finances already invested in deposits. You know how that is. In addition, the date we chose is very special to ____ and I. I care very much about you being at our wedding and obviously, if we had known of Andrew’s work shin-dig we could have tried to schedule around this. Too bad we were not made aware of this potential conflict when we announced our engagement.
____ and I are very happy. I would like to think that our happiness could be viewed as being enclusive rather then the opposite. I’d love to share our plans for our wedding and future live together at any time with you. I’m sorry you’ve felt excluded. We’re available anytime you want to chat about such things, just drop us a line. Love ya, sis!”
Plain and simple….kill her with kindness and throw her manipulative accusations right back at her. Don’t change your date, always present yourself and your fiance as a unit and don’t let her be a snake in the grass! Good luck.
Post # 7
@musicalrose: 100000000% agree!
Post # 8
@musicalrose: Yes! You hit the nail on the head, gently calling her out on her BS while leaving the door open is the way to go.
Post # 9
You are not alone; my future SIL sounds similar. She demanded we not schedule our wedding on a date that ended up being the only one that worked for us, and then was upset for a long time afterwards. It ended up being a small work event that she could easily get off from, but refused to ask for our sake until her mom said, do it for me. FH and their mom have both had to talk to her about her behavior in the past.
We just get along the best we can with her, limit our interaction but try our best to have positive experiences with her. If in the future we continue to have problems with her, then we’re going to limit our childrens’ exposure to her. That’s all there is to do – you hope it doesn’t come down with that, but if somebody’s going to be toxic, you need to limit your time with them, even if they’re siblings. You don’t estrange them, you just put up with them only as much as you need to.
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
Geez, no wonder you don’t talk to her! She seems like she is just trying to stir up new dirt to have new reasons not to talk to you IMO. Musicalrose had some good ideas, but I wouldn’t say anything about the date being special to you- I can just imagine her coming back and saying “Well am I not more important than a date?!”
Post # 12
@musicalrose: This this this. A hundred times this.
Post # 13
It amazes me how guests think they have say-so on the wedding. I went through something similar: I picked a date after the birth of my niece specifically for my FSIL (more than 3 months after), as I knew that the earliest we could have the wedding otherwise would be right before her due date. Guess what, OP? She complained and carried on like a child anyway, demanding that we postpone the wedding for at least 9 more months.
The only thing she accomplished was causing trouble and the wedding date’s still the same anyway.
Your sister never made an attempt to start things off ‘the right way.’ What she seems to have meant is ‘my way or the highway.’ She comes off as condescending and aggressive from the get-go.
It would be unfortunate if she couldn’t make it, and I’d say the same about any other relative. But relatives who live far away/have other obligations on the big day need to just swallow it up. They can explain that they won’t be able to make it (and why, if they feel like) and if we’re close enough, I will either try to move it or wish them well. Every time you move a wedding, there’s almost certain to be someone close to either the bride or groom who can’t make it.
You’re not required to move your wedding for her husband. Even if you have to embellish the truth a bit, I’d say, “I’m so sorry you won’t be able to make that date. We’ve put down deposits and it’s set in stone. Maybe we can get lunch together when we get back from the Honeymoon.”
If you even want to bother with someone who’s behaving so terribly. Cut off any further communication about the wedding. She can choose to attend if she’d like.
Post # 14
@musicalrose: this why I love the Bee. So wise and articulate. wow
Post # 15
@musicalrose: Emily Post couldn’t have said it better!
Post # 16
@lilsistam: OP she’s trying to make this about her. Guarantee if you move your date, something else will “come up”.