Post # 1
My younger sister is getting married early next yr and has decided she wants a stagette in Vegas. At first she called it a fun cheap trip and now it’s the opposite.
I’m a mom of a 2 yr old and have a husband in medical school. I am the only one working right now paying the bills, mortgage etc. I was very excited about this trip and had given myself a pretty reasonable budget.
My sister is planning her own stagette and has now decided that she wants this trip to be extra special. We live on the West Coast and she makes about 2 girls trips a yr to Vegas. It started with a $315/person hotel room (7 of us covering my sisters cost of the room). Then a limo ride to Thunder Down Under one night. Then a Cirque show with a limo ride again another night. As well as bottle service one night. I explained my budget to my sister and she explained that this is her once in a lifetime bachelorette and wants to do something more special. Also, it doesnt help that all of the other girls have unlimited budgets, and are single with no kids.
I really want to attend this stag and tried to make it work but I just cant afford it all. I compromised to the expensive hotel with one of the special nights out and that didnt work.
I tried to ask for a rough schedule of what activities would happen on what nights so I could maybe attend for fewer days and that didnt work.
My sister feels I am being selfish and that I have to consider the other girls who are taking time out for this vacation and want to splurge. We’ve had huge battles and now I’m thinking its best I dont attend at all.
By The Way, she will be having a local Bachelorette as well, which I am expected to help plan and fund. And did I mention her wedding reception will taking place out of country and I have to budget flights/hotel/car rental/dining for myself, husband and son.
Am I being unreasonable?
Post # 3
@CanuckFan: Your sister is being a bridezilla. She seems to think the whole world revolves around her and her wedding. You definitely are not being unreasonable, and I think you should not attend at all – you have other responsibilities now. If she doesn’t like it, well too bad too sad. Whatever happened to the bachelorette being a single night out?
Also, for comparison, what did you do for your stagette, and did she attend?
Actually you don’t need to attend her wedding either. If it was important for her to have family present, she’d have her wedding locally.
Post # 4
@CanuckFan: Umm, no way are you being unreasonable! IMO it’s crazy to expect ANYONE to pay that, let alone someone who simply cannot afford it. If people choose to have expensive do’s then fine; but they need to accept that not everyone will be able to make it, and perhaps organise something cheep and cheerful close to home for those who can’t.
I’ve been invited on a hen do abroad in 2015; OH is going to be best man at the couple’s wedding, and it’s expected I’ll attend the hen do. Unfortunately, that isn’t going to happen. We will have practically no disposable income, and what we do have, we will spend on a trip away as a couple. No way am I prepared to blow hundreds of £ attending someone’s hen do, and sacrifice going away with my OH as a result. I feel the same way about destination weddings.
Your sister is being incredibly selfish; and I think you were very generous to ever have considered going; if I were you, I’d have said I wouldn’t be able to attend from the off. Simply tell her you cannot afford it, and won’t be attending; perhaps suggest she has another do closer to home, something cheap like a meal and drinks, for those who can’t come.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
@paula1248: +1 I think this whole ‘last night of freedom’ thing has got a bit out of hand in recent years. It’s not like you drop dead after you’re married, and realistically, what is she going to do on that trip as an engaged woman that she wouldn’t be able to do as a married woman?
OP, She’s being very unreasonable, and she’ll have to accept that if she wants to have a trip like that then not everyone will be able to attend – which is a shame for you, as you were looking forward to it!
Is your mum aware of the situation? What does she have to say?
Post # 6
Its time to say, sorry sis, can not make the Vegas trip. Really. The ONLY obligations of an attendant are to get the dress and show up sober. She is Out of Town.
Post # 7
@CanuckFan: She is being unreasonable. You’ve even tried to compromise with her on several things. If I were you I probably wouldn’t even attend. There’s no sense in going into debt to fund her expensive taste (especially seeing as you’ll already be paying for a bachelorette in town) when she can’t even be sympathetic of your financial situation. I think that if you even went for part of the time she would be annoyed with you and why put yourself through that?
And like another PP mentioned… what’s the deal with the “last night of freedom”? You can take these trips when you’re married too!
Post # 8
@CanuckFan: I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. Your sister is being the unreasonable one. A destination bachelorette party, and a destination wedding reception? And she wants a second local bachelorette party? Wow. Apparently money grows on trees in her little world!
If it were me, I would tell her that you’d be willing to organize something local, but you’ll have to bow out of the destination bachelorette party.
Post # 9
@CanuckFan: Hellz no you aren’t being unreasonable. If I were you, I would skip the destination stagette and just attend the local one. That’s a bit excessive to have a destination and a local bachelorette party with limo rides and costly shows everday. If she can’t compromise, I would just sat screw it. No way I’d compromise my family’s fianaces for a little bratty bride. One day she’ll understand.
Post # 10
@barbie86: @lina010: +1 to both of these responses.
Some women get WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY too carried away with this whole wedding business. Your sister’s demands are outrageous and your cries are falling on deaf ears. Considering you are expected to plan AND fund the local party I’d say your sister is shit out of luck. Further more, she isnt being very sisterly by trying to force you to spend money you dont have. What’s worse is when your child needs something or your husband needs a book for school who is going to purchase it? Her? PLEASE!
Tell your bratty, nasty attitude having sister to kick rocks AND blow bubbles at the same time. Its time you stood your ground. If not for yourself then for the new family you’ve created. They come first!
Post # 11
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
Your sister is way out of line. Skip the stag party in Vegas and save your money for the local bachelorette party/wedding. If she doesn’t understand, though cookies.
Post # 12
I agree with OPs, the trend of destination bachelorette parties and multiple showers is unreasonable, selfish and not to mention a shakedown for money and gifts by brides. I’m having a Destination Wedding in Las Vegas and I’ve decided I’m not going to have a shower/bachelorette. Save your money, she’ll just have to get over herself!
Post # 13
@CanuckFan: In my relatively inflexible opinion, a “stag” is the last-chance night-out with the guys (or in this case, gals) on the town before settling down to responsible married life. The key words being “night” — not weekend, or day-and-half, or whatever; and “town” — not out-of-town travel!!! and “settling down” — meaning that the stag-ee should be having a thought to paying his or her rent and saving for the future, too. An appropriate stag is, say, going to a pub and splurging on a couple of single-malt whiskeys; or an evening at a Greek restaurant culminating in dancing with the belly dancer and smashing some plates into the fireplace; or maybe even dinner theater if you want to go really high-end.
Overnight trips to Las Vegas with the girls are maybe appropriate for the jet-set and for people who need not consider costs. I am amazed by how common they seem to be. But they are no means an appropriate default expectation.
Post # 14
Oh HELL no. What she is askng of you is completely insane. You have kids, and I am sure they want to do things like eat, receive Christmas presents, get school clothes, and not have to work two jobs through college. Your children trump her unnecessary vacation. And that’s all it is. If her DINK friends can afford it, great–but you are at a different place in life and can’t. You may love her for all the world, but love won’t put extra money in your pocket. If she can’t accept that, tough.
Post # 15
@CanuckFan: You are not unreasonable at all. I wouldn’t attend. She is ask way to much of a mother with a husband in medical school. If the other BMs can shell out that much dough for a few days in Vegas, more power to them, but some people have other priorities.
Post # 16
Thank you so very much everyone!
This topic has caused such a fight with my family. My youngest sister who’s just 19 got into a yelling match with me saying it was unfair of me to ask her to limit her fun if all her friends want to make this stag special for her. If I cant afford it then dont go!
Then my sister the bride to be sent me a book in the form of a text message saying I was the only one out of 8 girls who is causing issues.
My dad spoke briefly and said she should keep things reasonable and was quickly told to hush by my mom. My mom is also on my sisters side and after all the fighting, no one is really talking to me.
I really did want to go because as a working mom, I dont get a chance to get away and go dancing/partying. I was really hoping that my sister would adjust some plans to make sure I could attend. I even went out and bought matching tiara’s for all the girls 🙁
I spent hours searching for budget friendly hotels and found amazing deals for Flamingo’s deluxe rooms and Ballys. My sister straight up said no, simply because of the name. She doesnt want to tell people they stayed at Flamingo or Bally’s for her bachelorette.
I had started to think that I was the problem and that I was ruining her big event. Thanks everyone for all your input. I have decided not to go but this whole process has left me so hurt.