Post # 1
This is my undercover account since I’ve introduced a lot of friends to the Hive. From the first time my FI now DH met my sisters Fi her now DH he told me that my sister is marrying a con artist. First time he met DH we went dress shopping. My sister and I got married 3 months apart. So my dad and my DH and sisters DH went and hung out while we did the dress shopping thing. My sister’s DH was trying to get my DH involved in some illegal stuff. Love my sister to death but she is the type that always has to be in a relationship. We all told her to give it more time because she just lives in the moment and she had just met this guy and their relationship was long distance.
Well just so happen my step daughter is dating my sisters DH exgirlfriends brother. I never told my step daughter cause I don’t want her involved in the drama. Two months before my sisters wedding her DH went MIA. He claimed he was drunk and passed out at his cousins house. Well we’re from a small town and my step daughter and her BF and his sister went to our home town to visit the same time my sister’s DH didn’t come home two days in a row.
My sisters DH didn’t come to my wedding and I’m thinking its because my step daughter and her bf were going to be there. Well the kids came up for Xmas and I still have my sisters STD on the fridge. So my step daughter ask me how I knew him. So I told her he is married to my sister. The look on her face was priceless. She talked about him a little but I change the topic because I knew she was about to blow. Well she went to DH and told him the whole time they visited our hometown, step daughter isn’t from there, that my sisters DH was with them. When he tells my sister he is going to visit his son which is in another state, he goes to visit this girl.
Every thing my step daughter told my DH adds up. My sister called me upset because he is telling her that he is going to visit his son and when she ask to go along he tells her no. The reason is obviously is because he is going to visit the girl. The whole time him and my sister were dating he was unemployed and she has been taking care of him and apparently this girl has been taking care of him too. As far as his ex was concerned, they were trying to work things out. She didn’t find out about him marrying my sister until like a month before and she flipped out. My sisters DH told my sister that she is just jealous but my step daughter told my DH that my sisters DH proposed to his ex too.
I know deep down inside she knows but I can’t say jack shit to her about it. I cannot get my step daughter involved in this craziness and she told my DH not to tell me. She was just in complete shock. I really think my sister was just suppose to be a fling and he saw that she had more money than the ex and got with her. The big time job he was suppose to have that he got laid off, my step daughter who lived in the same house with him for a while when her and her bf moved said he was a just a club promoter. My hands are tied and I can’t say a word to her because this will cause issues in my relationship with my step daughter.
Not really looking for advice, just needed somewhere to vent because I won’t talk to my friends about my sister’s personal life.
Post # 3
Wow. I understand not wanting to get your step daughter involved but it would’ve been so hard for me to keep that from my sister. Can you write her a letter or something? Are you sure your step daugher is telling the truth?
Post # 4
It is very hard. Yes my step daughter is telling the truth. My step daughter has told me before she knew about my sister that she doesn’t like her bf sister. Basically she was telling DH that she can’t believe he is married when just a few months ago they were basically on vacation together and that he has been traveling back and forth to see his ex. It just so happen that the vacation time that she speaks about is when he was MIA and my sister couldn’t find him. And the trips to see his ex were the trips he supposedly went to see his son and my sister wasn’t allowed to go with him. Honestly telling my sister might not do anything any way but make them argue which they already do everyday any way. I just hope she protected her assets because I really think this was about money with him.
She wouldn’t believe a letter. If I told her, she would believe me but like I said before I don’t know if it will help any. This really sucks!
Post # 5
@hotstepmom: I can’t imagine keeping something like that from my sister. I’m not really understanding why you can’t tell her.
Post # 6
You have to tell your sister! How would you feel if your DH was the con-artist and your sister knew and didn’t tell you?
Maybe you can tell her, but explain you can’t tell her how you know. Try to keep the step-daughter out of it.
If she doesn’t believe you. Maybe one of the times he “goes to see his son”, you and your sister can go visit the ex’s hometown and try to catch him.
Good luck and I know it’s going to be messy, but you *have* to find a way to tell your sister. He emotional, physical and financial health depend on it!!
Post # 7
Wow…tough situation however, as much as it pains to say this….
It’s none of your business
I know as family it’s hard to ignore when an injustice is being carried out. However, this is a betrayal she will have to arrive at by herself and all you can do is be there to comfort her when her world falls apart.
If you absolutely MUST tell her, be prepared. You will become public enemy #1, even if she currently has inklings of suspicion. She will likely view her role as protector of DH and their relationship, and like any mama bear when those she loves are threatened, she’ll lash out. Likely, she’ll confront her DH, who will deny the allegations and until the allegations are proven true (sometimes years later) you will be on a very black list with both individuals (the DH especially will avoid contact as he knows you’re on to him).
The only way you may get through to her is if you present a case so iron-clad that she can’t deny what she is seeing. (ie. photos that are undeniably him ‘caught in the act’). Even so, presented with this evidence your sister may become quite angry because she could feel the reveal was actively sought out as a way of taunting, rather then being seen as helpful.
Another warning: With the tip-off/reveal, your sisters DH should he choose to deny the affair, will get even more creative with his sneaking about. So in a way, you’ll have bought him more time before he’s found out. It took my father 12+ years after my aunt accused him of cheating to be caught. I saw her twice during that time, and she’s become my mom’s closest sibling since. My father on the other hand had built a seperate life with this woman, even sired a son with her. A sad truth, but it is what it is…
I’m sorry. You’re in a tough situation. My only hope is his infidelity is found out sooner rather then later.
Post # 8
@sept22insf: We all live in different states. The only person I know that knows his ex is my step daughter. If I tell my sister, she will automatically know she is the one that told me. When she confronts her husband I know she will tell him that it was my step daughter who said something and if he even looks at my step daughter crazy my husband will be all over him. That is just to much drama to bring into my marriage when I warned my sister about him over and over again.
@KoiKove: Trust me I’ve pointed out things to my sister that I could tell was shady about him. They were together about 1 1/2 before they got married. The 1/2 was long distance and then he moved back to our hometown and my sister took care of him the whole entire time. He had no car no job no phone. Her and the Ex was paying for it all. The plane tickets to go see his son, she paid for. Every single person in our family tried to get her to wait on the marriage but she said no.
@musicalrose: You are so right. Ever since it came out my step daughter was dating his ex’s brother, he isn’t all up in my face as he use to be. I don’t have any physical proof but like I said I know she is telling the truth because the dates are all matching up with the times my sister called me crying. My step daughter wasn’t telling like to snitch on him she just couldn’t believe that he got married last year when he was with this other girl all the time. She was just basically talking to hubby about people not being truthful in relationships.
This is going to be something she finds out on her own. Honestly, I think even if I had pictures, letters, emails, text messages, she still would stay with him because she will feel bad that we all warned her about him.
Post # 9
You need to let her know that if for any reason she ever in the future wants to leave him, you will not hold it against her, you will totally support her and never, ever say ‘I told you so’