- 5 years ago
What happened to this? I can’t see it.
What happened to this? I can’t see it.
I’m not sure what happened, sorry. I will try to get it retyped soon.
My sister is getting married next summer and I am truly happy for her and my Future Brother-In-Law, who is a great guy.
She is a year younger than me and we also have a younger sister. I was born with a physical disability which has always required me to receive more attention just because I need physical assistance from others, not a lot, but on a daily basis. All of us sisters seem to get along pretty equally. I’ve never sensed any resentment from either of my sisters because of my disability.
My sister really hasn’t shared with us the details of her wedding, just because she doesn’t know. However, my mom keeps reminding me not to expect to be in the wedding because of my disability. I may have understood this if I was physically unable to be in the wedding but I stood in my BFF’s wedding last summer and I was fine! I am able to walk independently, just an FYI.
I feel really put down as my mom reminds me of this every time we discuss the wedding party and what my sister may decide, and even tells this to people outside of the family! But she assumes my younger sister will be in the wedding. It’s like I’m not worthy just because I walk differently and have an obvious disability.
I have resolved to be gracious and be silent if I am not in the wedding, as I understand it is her wedding and she is allowed to do whatever she wants to do. I am afraid I am going to feel really hurt if she has my younger sister in her wedding and not me, but it will be what it will be.
Am I wrong to feel ticked at my mom because of this? I almost wish I did not have to be in the middle of all of the planning, because I just feel excluded by everyone because of my disability which is out of my control.
I would tell your mom that she is upsetting you. You don’t have to stand for that! Regardless of what your sister chooses, you don’t need to be constantly told that she probably won’t choose you. That’s so annoying. I am so sorry.
@bec1689: This situation makes me feel both sad and furious on your behalf. And there could be one of two things going on:
1) either your mother is being (for some reason) unbelievably rude, especially if she’s going around blabbing this to random people–why is she speculating about your sister’s wedding party anyway? ITS NONE OF HER BUSINESS. or…
2)your mother is privvy to some horrible (in my opionion) plans and reasons your sister has for exclusing you and is not doing a very good job of keeping it to herself until the official announcement is made, which is still unbelievably awful and rude.
The problem here is your mom, OP, not your sister. People have a right to pick who they want for their own wedding party. I have 3 sisters, two older and one younger. I asked my younger sister to be a bridesmaid, but did not ask my older sisters. They didn’t care. The problem is your mom.
That sounds really really annoying and kind of rude of your mother, but (unless your she has a history of acting like this), I’m sure her heart is in the right place — maybe she is trying to make sure that in the event that you aren’t chosen to be in the wedding, you won’t feel so disappointed. Unfortunately that seems to be having the opposite effect and just making you annoyed with her :/ I agree with @peachacid; tell your mom that her constant reminding is upsetting you, and let her know that you’re a big girl and you can handle it if you aren’t chosen, but there’s nothing indicating that you will or won’t be yet!
@bec1689: I’m sorry, sweetie. Maybe if your mom mentioned one time that you might not be selected to be in your sisters wedding, that might be ok. But you say that she continues to repeat that–that’s seems unnecessarily harsh.
Keep in mind that your sister may have talked this over with your mom and mom may know something that you do not know.
Either way, I’m sure you will participate in your sister’s wedding in some capacity.
Tell your mother that you are well aware that your sister has the right to pick her bridal party, but her constant reminders are rubbing salt in a wound. If she knows something she should just get it over with and let you know, and if she doesn’t know something then she should lay off. It may be her attempt to shield you from surprise, but it is not having the desired effect.
Thanks everyone for your responses! I have considered my mom may know something I do not, but this just seems wildly implausible. My sister does not readily give my mom info on the littlest things in her life and she sure is not doing so with anything wedding related. My mom complains about this all the time.
I really am beginning to wonder if my mom is the one who doesn’t want me in the wedding because of me being different. She actually was worried when I was in my BFF’s wedding that ther guy I was paired with wouldn’t be comfortable with me. My BFF said tough if he was.
I am going to discuss it with my other sister when we get some time alone, just to see what she thinks could be going on. It just still hurts.
@bec1689: I really don’t blame you for being hurt. You really need to tell your mother how it’s making you feel. She may think she’s helping you by not letting expectations get too high, but it’s not being helpful at all. Unfortunately, she can’t know that unless you tell her. If you do talk to her about it make sure to emphasize that you realize she is not trying to hurt you, but it is ultimately having that effect.
do you have any clues from your sister? are you guys normally very close? is she closer to the youngest sister?To me being in a wedding isn’t really as much about how you look (or don’t look) its about who you are close with
I can’t imagine not having my sister in my wedding bc of a disability (especially one that you are ok with … if you were uncomfortable being in front of people or something I could see giving you a “pass” so you didn’t have to do something that you didn’t really want to)
I guess my only way I can understand this is if your sister wedding is going to include like skiing down a mountain or something else you physically couldn’t do? but that is pretty far out in left field (bc even if that was the case you could just meet them at the bottom of the hill or whatever?)
@bec1689: What the hell is wrong with your mother?! That has got to hurt. Sounds like she has some weird hang up. How does she treat you normally? I’m so sorry. Tell her you’re tired of hearing from her how concerned she is about you being in the wedding party or not. You’ll accept whatever choice your sister makes and she needs to stop commenting any further. I want to yell at this woman! I guess I’m so sensitive to it because I have a friend with cerebral palsy and her own family seems to neglect her, dismiss or treat her outright badly and she’s a wonderful, thoughtful and smart person who deserves more.
Aww!! I think your mother is just trying to “prepare you” for if she doesn’t ask you to be in the wedding… she’s probably just trying to protect your feelings but dang that’s harsh!!! Hugs
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