Post # 1
He wants to know why I must be so traditional.
I am a bit offbeat and do not care about a lot of the traditions circulated around weddings. I’ve even asked my SO to add my last name to his just as I would add his to mine. Our kids already have it so all of us would share the same last name.
He doesn’t understand why I’m waiting on a proposal and we’ve already decided that we would get married by a set month next year. I’m not a ring expert and haven’t done any major research on rings. I don’t wear jewellry so getting an e-ring is not a big issue for me (it would be nice to have one though ). I only want him to ask (and I’ve told him so too).
When I drop hints about waiting for him to make the next move he thinks I’m referring to saving/buying/building a house.
I’ve told him that the proposal is to let it be clear in my head that I am officially engaged. I don’t even know if I should take my name off of the list!
He is a great guy and I believe that since we have been together for so long (8 years) my “offbeat-ness” rubbed off on him. I remember the first time we discussed weddings he told me that I was weird. I honestly thought I spooked him…lol. He came around and is passing me with the weirdness.
(I’m not looking for the ditch-him-and-move-on commnts. This was just a rant/ vent)
Post # 3
I would talk to him about why it’s important to you and try to be as direct as possible. You guys should be able to talk openly and honestly and reach a compromise that makes you both happy.
Post # 4
@tiff-tiff-tiff: SInce you are both on the same page why not just talk to him and make it clear that whilst you are non-traditional in every other way this is one thing that you are traditional about and that it is actually important to you. He may just be confused because you are non-traditional and not really sure what you want. He may even think you are kidding around about the traditional proposal thing.
Post # 5
OP, If all that stands in the way of progess is him asking you officially, surely he must see that’s an easy thing for him to do, because he’s keen on house and you have kids etc? If you are okay with an intimate home proposal it might be worth telling him you are not expecting a grand guesture but you would like to be asked outright?
Post # 6
@emmrr3: He knows that I want him to ask. I told him that and he asked me why I must be so traditional. I think you are on to something. If you think of the traditional proposal, you think of a grand, in-front-of-a-lot-of-people gesture. He is probably thinking that I want one of those.
Now I need the perfect opportunity to let him know.
Thanks for the help!!
Post # 7
@AlwaysSunny: we were talking openly and direct. As a matter of fact, I’ve told him this at least 3 times in the past month. As the PP said I now believe that he thinks I’m referring to a grand proposal.
Post # 8
@tiff-tiff-tiff: You’re welcome. If he knows that you would be happy with that and that’s all it takes, then what’s the problem? 🙂
Post # 10
@tiff-tiff-tiff: It sounds like the two of you are fairly clear on what each other wants/has been thinking now– I guess whenever you talked about all this, it was a productive conversation! Sounds to me like the best thing to do is just tell him, “I know we’ve agreed to get married, but it would be really special to me if you were to propose to me. It doesn’t have to be a big deal at all, but that way we’ll know that we are officially engaged and it is a milestone I’ve always looked forward to.” (If it indeed is, you get the idea.)
Post # 11
@tiff-tiff-tiff: I can totally understand why a proposal would be important, even to those non-traditional and “march to the beat of their own drum” type gals. It’s about hitting a milestone and making a cherished memory. And memories don’t need to be extravagant showy displays, sometimes the best memories between you and your partner happen just between the two of you.
Post # 12
It does sound like he’s a bit confused. I’d reassure him that you don’t have to have this big grand gesture and he doesn’t need to stress over it. I agree that you need to discuss that yes you are and “off-beat” bride but this is one area that you are “on-beat”.
Post # 13
are you both planning on getting married… and all your waiting for is an ‘official’ proposal? this is what i’m getting from what you say here: I’ve told him that the proposal is to let it be clear in my head that I am officially engaged.
If that is the case, just make the proposal yourself. Or start planning your wedding with your guy… more aggressively. My husband and I got engaged with a conversation that went along the lines of “Hey, we should get married.” “Yeah, that’s a great idea!”
Post # 14
@tiff-tiff-tiff: Maybe he just doesn’t know how to go about it, or he’s worried that you are one of those brides who obsesses over the ring. If it makes you feel any better I waited 11 years. He always assumed i was ring obsessed because i loved showing him pretty rings and dropping hints about what i wanted (in fun, not in a nagging way) but when he realized I didn’t really care about the ring he popped the question and we got married 10 days later.
Post # 15
@rosworms: We had a similar conversation and he wants to do just as you did but I would like HIM to ask. I already told him that I do not want to do any major wedding planning without him asking me.
He basically told me that he would like to get married early next year and we eventually settled on a specific month.
@Aquaria: He already knows I don’t really care about rings.
I agree with the ladies who suggested that I should make it clear that a big fancy proposal is not necessary. I’ll keep you ladies updated when I bring it up to him.
Post # 16
@tiff-tiff-tiff: Funny- DH & I were together for 8 yrs before deciding to set a date! Similar to yourself we talked about it, decided it was time, set the date, & started booking vendors. I thought about it quite a bit and decided that the main reason I wanted him to propose (even though he didn’t have to & we’re not traditional at all) was because I never wanted to look back on the process and wonder how into it all he was. I was worried that 10, 20 years down the line I might get doubts that he wanted to marry me to begin with and just went along for the ride not to cause waves.
Once I was able to rationally explain this to him, he got it 100%. That, and I also told him that the proposal was a moment all girls look forward to their whole lives and despite how different we are it was a memory I really wanted for us both to be able to cherish (along with any future kids)…