Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have been together for about four years with a break in between. I’m newly 21 years old and he will be 24 in a couple of months. when we first got together we both went through an addiction together but also got clean together. shortly after we broke up because of personal issues on cooping with the new changes in our life. we weren’t together for about three or four months but came back to each other and he proved himself more than I could ever ask for. we started our life together and were very happy. he had been on probation the whole time and because of the addiction we suffered from, it made his legal situation much worst. now he is on ISP which stands for intensive supervision program. he has a curfew of 7pm right now and his PO makes random house checks. he can’t drink any alcohol because of uas but smokes marihuana which his PO is aware of but wants him to quit and has told him if he does his curfew will be dropped. for the whole time that we’ve been together, it was always him and I. I lost all of my friends and we never go out. when he was 21 he was able to enjoy his prime years with lots of partying and fun. since I’ve been out of high school I haven’t been able to do those things because I was always by his side. now that I’m 21 and have my life together, I crave to go out and be young and have fun. I would love to do those things with him but because he is on such high supervised probation it limits him which limits me. I’ve basically been a house wife the whole time we’ve gotten back together. it’s the same routin every single day. we aren’t very intimate anymore as well. I feel myself starting to resent him because im losing out on my young adult years when he was able to enjoy his to the fullest. he loves me so much and I’m the one causing issues because I’m rude to him and snappy at a lot of the things he says. which is taking a toll on him. he can see that im not the way I used to be with him. he even has said that he knows I love him but just not in love with him anymore. I do love him and I know I can be madly in love with him but all excitement is gone because it’s just the same thing every single day. I want to stay with him so badly but I’m just scared that I will lose out on the years that are supposed to be the best times of my life waiting for his legal situation to get better. please, any advice would be much appreciated.
Post # 2
Go out without him. You don’t beed to be with him all the time. You need to be your own person outside of the relationship. If you are losing friends that’s a huge red flag.
Post # 3
mara.hart: Live your own life. Go out with friends. He scewed up his life by making bad choices. He doesn’t need to screw up yours too.
Post # 4
Well, that’s what happens when someone is on probation. You can go out without him — This is an option. However the worrying thing is that you’re losing your social circle because of him — How is this acceptable? Why are they drifting away?
Post # 5
Why can’t you go out without him??
Post # 6
You should start looking for some new friends and go out without him. Just because he has a curfew doesn’t mean you have to. You should have a bit of a social life outside of your SO anyways.
One thing I noticed is that if he stops smoking marijuana he will no longer have a curfew? Is that correct? If so, have you talked to him about smoking so that he is able to go out with you?
Post # 7
What is he on probation for?
You shouldn’t just be a house wife – are you studying or do you have a job?
Post # 8
- Wedding: Either Philadelphia City Hall or a small chapel.
hollyberry4: Just from my experience dealing with friends and siblings who have dated people on house arrest or what OP is talking about, a lot of the time the person with the restrictions will guilt them.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t call getting addicted to substances and getting in probation as “enjoy his to the fullest”.
That being said, he’s on probation. So your options after curfew are to stay in or go out without him. Simple as that. If you’re feeling stir crazy, have you guys tried going out and doing things before curfew?
Post # 10
if you love him but are not in-love with hime anymore, then why are you still together??
Post # 11
If you have already been through an addiction at 21, then maybe going out and partying isn’t the best idea anyway….
Post # 12
ISP is no joke. I doubt his PO is giving him UA’s and is ok with him smoking pot. That makes no sense he’s still using.
Thats along time to be on probation too. You should probably just go out with out him. Meet people at your job to go hang out with.
Post # 13
This is only the beginning of your SO’s choices affecting your life. You’ll also have to deal with restrictions on travel and potential employability issues for him with a criminal record. Is this something you want to saddle yourself with going forward?
Post # 14
Go out and do what you like without him! He’ll still be there when you get home, literally. Don’t let his mistakes punish you too.
Post # 15
Also, this is going to sound rude but if I was in your situation I hope someone would tell me… You are setting yourself up for hard times and shouldn’t be involved with someone who acts like this ( still doing drugs on probation???!) and just being on probation for so long. Do everything you can to bring success and happiness into your life. You don’t need these worries at 21 I’m not a whole lot older than you but if you were my daughter, I would lose my shit over this situation. It’s terrible