My SO is on probation and it's restricting us from being happy.

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

Go out without him. You don’t beed to be with him all the time. You need to be your own person outside of the relationship.  If you are losing friends that’s a huge red flag. 

Post # 3
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

mara.hart:  Live your own life. Go out with friends. He scewed up his life by making bad choices. He doesn’t need to screw up yours too.

Post # 4
Member
8707 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Well, that’s what happens when someone is on probation. You can go out without him — This is an option. However the worrying thing is that you’re losing your social circle because of him — How is this acceptable? Why are they drifting away?

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Post # 5
Member
3341 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Why can’t you go out without him??

Post # 6
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

You should start looking for some new friends and go out without him. Just because he has a curfew doesn’t mean you have to. You should have a bit of a social life outside of your SO anyways. 

One thing I noticed is that if he stops smoking marijuana he will no longer have a curfew? Is that correct? If so, have you talked to him about smoking so that he is able to go out with you?

Post # 7
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

What is he on probation for?

You shouldn’t just be a house wife – are you studying or do you have a job?

Post # 8
Member
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Either Philadelphia City Hall or a small chapel.

hollyberry4:  Just from my experience dealing with friends and siblings who have dated people on house arrest or what OP is talking about, a lot of the time the person with the restrictions will guilt them. 

Post # 9
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I wouldn’t call getting addicted to substances and getting in probation as “enjoy his to the fullest”. 

That being said, he’s on probation. So your options after curfew are to stay in or go out without him. Simple as that. If you’re feeling stir crazy, have you guys tried going out and doing things before curfew?

Post # 10
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

if you love him but are not in-love with hime anymore, then why are you still together??

Post # 11
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you have already been through an addiction at 21, then maybe going out and partying isn’t the best idea anyway….

Post # 12
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

ISP is no joke.  I doubt his PO is giving him UA’s and is ok with him smoking pot.  That makes no sense he’s still using. 

Thats along time to be on probation too.  You should probably just go out with out him.  Meet people at your job to go hang out with.  

Post # 13
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

This is only the beginning of your SO’s choices affecting your life.  You’ll also have to deal with restrictions on travel and potential employability issues for him with a criminal record.  Is this something you want to saddle yourself with going forward?

Post # 14
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Go out and do what you like without him! He’ll still be there when you get home, literally.  Don’t let his mistakes punish you too.  

Post # 15
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Also, this is going to sound rude but if I was in your situation I hope someone would tell me… You are setting yourself up for hard times and shouldn’t be involved with someone who acts like this ( still doing drugs on probation???!) and just being on probation for so long.  Do everything you can to bring success and happiness into your life.  You don’t need these worries at 21   I’m not a whole lot older than you but if you were my daughter, I would lose my shit over this situation. It’s terrible

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