- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
I guess this is partially a venting session and partially asking for advice.
My SO works full time as a builder (at the moment). He also has 3 significant, regular freelance writing gigs (on which he could make a respectable living, I think, and which could amount to full time if he was able to devote that much time to them), going on AT THE SAME TIME, and he is in a summer theater production (in addition to building a large outdoor stage/seating arrangement for the theater company in his nonexistent “spare time” as his building company’s donation to them). And he is somewhat involved in a competitive shooting sport, and is putting on aand designing a match for the local club of that sport. All of this in July and August. . .
Needless to say, he hardly has any time to relax or for us to do fun things together. Like, we might be able to go for a swim for 45 minutes, or occasionally take a walk every other weekend, and we can usually eat dinner together, but that’s not the same as spending a weekend day doing something we both enjoy. Since we have a homestead together, weekends can often turn into gardening and working on the house sessions, which is fun, but the lack of free time to enjoy together doing non-functional things SUCKS.
I am also busy with a internship for grad school (for which I am away from home for part of each week) and a very part-time job. But I do keep my weekends free to come home and be with him and take care of my garden. His weekends lately, however, are totally full, and so far I have been tolerant because I know it’s all stuff he loves to do and it won’t last forever, but this weekend has been especially bad with buillding the theater stage (he and his father & brother worked a 16-hour day on Friday trying to get as much done as they could, and it’s STILL not done because of working around rehearsals). And now I am just ticked off. Thinking about it, his summer weekends are always jam-packed and we never go on fun outings together just to relax and enjoy each other’s company anymore. Last summer, it was this way because of my schedule, and now it’s his, and I’m super sick of it. I need more than just a few hours with him here and there, and I need to be able to go on adventures with him. I’m so mad and sad that we have no opportunities to go on outings, or just spend time together at home.
It is going to continue this way until the end of August, and then we are supposedly going on a trip somewhere before my school starts. But a short trip isn’t going to make up for all the summer weekends being hogged by commitments to other people. It isn’t fair, especially when I drive 3 hours one way to come home for weekends right now!
The thing is, he knows as well as I do that it’s no fun not having enough time together, and he doesn’t enjoy it either. But he has so many things he wants to do for himself that seem to overshadow reserving time for us. The working I don’t mind because I know he wants us both to be secure (especially since I am a broke grad student right now) but the huge time commitment that’s needed for his “fun” things (like, several afternoons or evenings a week, and large chunks out of many weekends) just doesn’t sit right with me.
I feel like it’s not healthy for us and it’s not fair to either of us to have things be like this. How can I possibly try to convince him to leave a little more time for us just having fun together? Even though I see him for at least part of 4 days out of each week, I’m realizing that I miss him terribly. I’m so tired of this and I don’t want every summer for the rest of my life to be like this, but otherwise our relationship is great and we love each other; I don’t think this is the kind of thing I would dump him for! But something needs to be done about the overcommitment and lack of fun time. Help!