My SO peed his pants when he was drunk…need advice.

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

If this is the first time this has happened, and he was out with a friend that obviously was not really looking out for him (or himself for that matter), I would try to look past tit. You say that he doesn’t often drink, and other than this occasion you seem okay with his habits….I’d just give him the benefit of another chance. 

Now, I’m not trying to minimize your concerns, but you have already said your own anxiety might be causing you to overanalyze. 

I would not freak out on him. Have a calm conversation addressing the matter, and don’t push him to see that particular friend again. 

Post # 3
Member
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

It doesn’t sound like he has a drinking problem to me. IMO a drinking problem is when you NEED to have a drink and you can’t keep yourself away from it. A lot of people come home and have a beer or 2 to unwind. 

He got wasted. It happens. He apologized and said he will do better. Now let it go, I’m sure he is terribly embarrassed. 

Obviously if it keeps happening than yeah, it would be an issue. You should be able to handle yourself at that age- it’s extremely unattractive to be a sloppy drunk. And it would be a major issue to me if he ever drove while buzzed/or drunk. 

Post # 4
Member
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Also don’t blame his friend. Your FI is a big boy who makes his own choices. 

Post # 5
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You’re not overreacting. It seems that he doesn’t know his limits (or doesn’t respect them). when a grown adult is drinking to the point of losing control, it’s a problem. I’m not suggesting that he’s an alcoholic–I don’t know enough to make that call–but I do think he needs to rein in his drinking a lot. 

Post # 6
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Also….drinking problem vs social drinker. I’m not an expert, but from personal experience, I’ll say that I broke off an engagement to a man who did have a problem. 

Every time he drank, he got completely smashed, vomiting, cursing at me, calling me names when I tried to help him. The last straw (in addition to other issues, not just drinking) was when he went out with the guys, I went out with the girls, and I was called back to the house to take care of him when he caused a huge scene with his guys. For the hundredth time. Drinking problem is when it happens often, no matter what you say/do/discuss, and it’s always an issue. With social drinking….sometimes….crap happens. You learn from it and don’t do it repeatedly.

Post # 7
Member
2839 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It doesn’t sound like he has a drinking problem. It sounds like he just went a little overboard one night, but… Eh, shit happens. My husband and I went to a wedding this spring and I had a few too many at the after party. I’m sure it was a little embarrassing for him when I barfed on the sidewalk and went running after a cab down the street wailing, “taaaxiii!” But he didn’t make me feel guilty about it – he took my drunk ass home, cleaned me up, brought me some aspirin and water in the morning and then, when my hangover wore off, he teased me about it until we could both laugh the whole thing off. If he is frequently getting hammered, or if he can’t stop drinking once he starts, or if he is mean and abusive when he drinks, then you have something to worry about. But it sounds like he is a fairly normal drinker who had one night of going off the rails. I’d let it go before you make him feel any worse.

Post # 8
Member
6749 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Once is one thing. But if I were you, I would make it clear that pissing yourself in public is unacceptable and that this (and anything similar) better not happen again. I would not spend my life with someone who can’t control their bodily functions because of drinking.

Post # 9
Member
1948 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t think this means he has a drinking problem.  It means he got wayyy too drunk one time.  Everyone makes mistakes.  I am sure he was so embarrassed he won’t do it again!  It sounds like he is genuinely sorry.  I would forgive him And try to move on.  Of course, if it happens again, then I definitely would reevaluate.

I remember one of my guy friends in college occasionally wet the bed after drinking too much. And one of my old boyfriends admitted to doing it once when he was really drunk once too.  Neiter of them had drinking problems / were alcoholics, but they both had bladder control issues that came out when they had a few too many.  I think it’s a problem that some guys have to deal with (Hopefully by drinking less!)

 

 

Post # 10
Member
1969 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I don’t think you can say he has a drinking problem based on this one incident alone.  Now if this becomes a pattern for him, then yes.  

Post # 11
Member
8047 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I mean, if he pees his pants weekly or monthly … No thanks. But if this is a one off and he has remorse, id forgive him (after you thoroughly, explicitly let him know how you feel about it). 

It probably was really embaressing. I mean normally that will happen to a wasted person while they sleep but AT the bar must have been some aggressive drinking! It’s pretty normal to embarrass yourself from alcohol at least once in life. Id let this one go.

Post # 12
Member
37 posts
Newbee

Alcoholics must drink to survive. If they don’t, they can be sick, have tremors, even have seizures. If he’s not drinking to the point of constantly needing it and/or hiding it from you (ex bf used to hide the bottles in the trash can under the liner, under the bathroom sink, in closets, etc…), it’s probably just heavy social drinking at this point. That’s not to say there may not be a problem. 

I have had relationships with alcoholics before and my current boyfriend is recovering now. He would drink many many beers a night (30 – long before I met him). Same ex ad above drank an entire bottle of bacardi before a court appointment and screwed it all up. 

If you’re worried about whether or not he may be an alcoholic, all you can do is talk to him. The only way he may realize he may have a problem is if you tell him it has been effecting you. 

I wish you luck, I hate alcohol and can’t stand even normal drinking. It’s hard to be around a person that drinks more often than you when you’ve grown up with an alcoholic family. Good thing is… I think you’re alright.

Post # 13
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

You’ll know if he has a problem if you see the same warning signs you see in his friend – multiple DUIs, accidents, also drinking even though he knows it’s going to cause problems, hiding to drink, neglecting work or responsibilities in order to drink, choosing not to do other things to go drinking instead, etc.

He knows what you experienced with your mother and how you feel about this incident, and he made you some promises. Just give him time and watch his actions. That’ll tell you all you need to know.

Post # 14
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

chewy88:  By the sounds of it, I think his only issue is knowing when to say “No” to his friend ordering more drinks. I know you are concerned because of your past, and if it becomes regular, then I would suggest dealing with it when that happens. Sometimes people just get carried away. As for the casual video game drinking, I’d say his size and the fact that I’m guessing he drinks more often than you would, is probably why he is OK after 5-6. 

I don’t want to trivialize your worries about this, but also remember how awesome your SO is 99% of the time and how embarrassed he must be that this happened.

Post # 15
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

chewy88:  To put it simply, no, he does not have a drinking problem. You need to calm down and relax a bit. 

My SO suffered from Alcoholism years before we met. If he had a drinking problem, it would be clear as day. You wouldn’t be questioning it because it would be a HUGE PROBLEM. He would be drunk most of the time, not just Saturday nights. The only problem here is that he went out and was careless, so careless that he peed his pants. It most certainly is not a drinking problem. 

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