My SO spends a ridiculous amount of time with his friends

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9244 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@sparklypinkkitty:  He sounds pretty immature.  Why are you with him, besides the fact that you’ve been together for so long?  This guy doesn’t sound ready, willing or even very able to have an adult relationship.  What about this situation makes you happy?

Additional note:  This is how he is and who he is.  You can’t change him.  You can only change how you react to him. 

If I were you, I would start going out with my friends and not being so readily available to him all the time.  Get your own life that doesn’t revolve around him and give him a taste of his own medicine.

Post # 4
Member
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@sparklypinkkitty:  Maybe that is just who he is and how he wants to live?  Sounds like no progress has been made in your 4 years of dating despite your asking, your explaining, your complaining.  I might have to advise that you accept it as is, or don’t be a part of it (aka don’t date him any more).  Time to really assess what you are truly getting out of this relationship.

My sister’s BF has some really no good friends, like people who still know of people who do drive by shootings.  Gang stuff.  He’s never going to get rid of those friends, so she chose to accept it.  Ugh.  I hate that my innocent nephews are potentially exposed to people like this!

Meanwhile, while trying to decide, get yourself a ton of hobbies!  Work out, go hiking, volunteer, go to dinner, etc!

Post # 5
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sounds like it might be time to move on if he isn’t willing to make some time for you. It’s fine that he enjoys spending time with his friends, but it’s not fine that when you ask for more alone time with him he blows you off.

Post # 6
Member
3557 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It’s always a red flag when your SO doesn’t want you to hang out with his friends, and treats you differently around them. It sounds to me like you are putting in a lot more effort for this relationship than he is. Are you sure he is worth the effort?

Post # 7
Member
2637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

He just needs to grow up. There are a lot of issues going on here, and they all boil down to THAT.

Post # 8
Member
48 posts
Newbee

OH man this sounds pretty bad.  Sounds like he bashes you to his friends…hence their treatment towards you.

idk…seems weird and you have every right to be MAD!  I would never put up with that.  My fiance and I have been together almost 3 years, and within 6 months he chose to be always be with me..I actually am the one to make plans with his friends for him so he doesn’t lose contact lol

Post # 11
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Sunfire:  +1.

OP, I also don’t understand why, if you ‘technically’ still live with your parents, you HAVE to wait for him to get home from hanging out with his friends to go home to bed. Go to your parents house, sleep there. Maybe after a few nights apart he will miss you and realize just how much of a dickhead he is being. IF not, than maybe YOU need to think about what you want from a relationship, and if he isn’t providing it to you, maybe you should be walking…

 

Post # 14
Member
9244 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@sparklypinkkitty:  But, if what you’re doing isn’t working you need to come up with something new.  Don’t forget, the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.  (Not judging here, I’m the poster child for that, lol, just sayin’ – think of yourself here and what is best for YOU).

Post # 15
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Sunfire:  +1!

 

@sparklypinkkitty:  Please don’t sit around and wait for him anymore. The dude seems really immature and not ready to move on to an adult life just yet. 

Go out, make your own friends, go take a fitness class, live your own life. If he wants to be part of it, HE will make time for YOU. 

Post # 16
Member
26 posts
Newbee

Although you are younger than your boyfriend, you have certainly matured more quickly than him.  I agree with the other posters that he is not ready to be an adult yet.  Since you clearly are ready, you have to make a choice- will you find other friends/ hobbies for the times when he is busy/drunk, continue to wait around for him, or end the relationship?

I am bothered by the fact that his friends’ relationships with you are so poor.  If you are the woman he loves, he should defend you and spend time with people who also appreciate his girlfriend. His friends should understand that, as his girlfriend who practically lives with him, that you demand a certain amount of his time.

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