My son and my partner

posted 2 years ago in Wellness
Post # 2
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

Dscrivs2:  Dump her ass. You deserve someone who’ll love you AND your son. You’re a package deal.

Post # 4
Member
8377 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m sorry, I would end the relationship.

Post # 5
Member
6417 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yes, I am in fact wondering why you are still with her. She told you very early on that she considers your son to be baggage and she wishes you didn’t have a soon. IMO, the relationship should have been over then. Please do your soon a favor and break up with her.

Post # 6
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Dscrivs2:  I can’t say anything that hasn’t been said here.  Your son is #1, plain and simple, and always should be.  I understand it’s easier said than done but please end your relationship.    

 

Post # 7
Member
809 posts
Busy bee

Your FLESH and BLOOD child should ALWAYS come first. If this woman has issues with your son, I guarentee your son picks up on it. And wtf were you thinking letting this woman rent out your child’s room? I don’t care how much of a financial pickle you are in, your son needs a place to call his own in your home to feel included. I don’t think you are going to get much help on this. All I can tell you is if this woman wanted to include your son and make him feel wanted, after 2 years she would of done it. You are allowing her behavior to dictate your relationship with your child. If she truly cared for you, she would have made an effort to include your son in her life. Dump her. 

Post # 8
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee

Please never leave her alone with your son not to even watch him for five mins. A full grown woman jealous of a child. What a shame!

Post # 9
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

I’m really sorry to say this but she is highly unlikely to ever bond with your son.

Why?

Because she doesn’t want to. In fact, for two years, she has repeatedly shown you how much she does not want to. She’s limiting your access to visitation with your son by renting out the room he would sleep in and barring him from the alternative area in your house, which, for the record, is grossly unfair (I’m assuming you live together and, therefore, share rent/mortgage payments). As much as you may love your partner, please think about your son’s feelings. He already has infrequent visits to see you and during those times, he’s surrounded by negative energy and someone who “can’t stand him”. Kids aren’t stupid; he likely knows that your partner doesn’t like him and I’m sure it hurts him deeply. 

The other thing to keep in mind is that even if your son isn’t fully aware of your partner’s feelings towards him now, in a few years he likely will be and you run the risk of him being resentful towards both your partner and you – you, for seemingly not putting him first.

I think you need to tell your partner that you and your son are a package deal and if she can’t accept him then she needs to re-evaluate your life with you because, guess what? She can’t change the fact your child was born.

Post # 10
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Speaking as the step parent of the relationship, if she truly wanted to have any part in your son’s life she would have made an effort by now. 

My fiance has an almost 3 year old.  We got together a little bit before he turned 2. Boy,  I can tell you it was the hardest thing accepting a child into my life,  let alone another woman’s child. But I knew that I couldn’t have one without the other. I’ve had many sleepless nights and been at the end of my rope, but I love my FI with everything I have so I really do try my best. I still get annoyed at times (they don’t call them the terrible two’s for nothing) but we’ve gotten to a point now where he asks for me when I’m not with my FI. 

It can be hard for someone to become an instant parent to a child but if you matter that much, then your partner will do everything they can to have the both of you in her life. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t sound like she’s willing to make an effort. 

Post # 11
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

 

Dscrivs2:  wow….. As a mother I could never be with someone who thought this way about my child. Leave.

Post # 12
Member
2549 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Leave her.  She’s awful.  You AND your son don’t deserve this.  Remember, whoever you date is not just with you… they’re with you and your child.

Post # 13
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

Leave her. Your son is more important.

Post # 14
Member
8664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Your son needs to be your absolute number one priority in life. No ifs, ands or buts. Your son is infinitely more important than her and I would have no hesitations to leave someome who even I suspected disliked my son. She has some brass balls to tell you that she’d change your son. I would’ve gotten up, opened the door and asked her to get her shit, and get out. Leave her. Your son deserves better, and you deserve a woman who will adore him for the wonderful kid he is.

Post # 15
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

This isn’t really a choice that a decent parent (which I’m sure you are) would need to make. You obviously need to leave her. Without delay.

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