Post # 1
My son had cheated on his fiancee several times with a coworker and she found out when she had borrowed his phone. She told her parents and they advised her to break up with him and I was informed of the situtation because his ex fiancee’s mother called me and told me about his cheating. Neither his ex fiancee or her parents will forgive him even though he has apologized. When I visited my son last week he was unuasually nice to me. He prepared dinner for me and took me to Starbucks. Before I left he have gave me a very tight hug and told me he loved me over and over again. It was so strange that I talked to his oldest sister about it and she told me that my son not only paid back the $500 dollars he owed her but he added an extra $250 dollars and hugged her tight for several minutes.
Even though what he was doing was very nice I found it strange but I thought he was just in a good mood. Anyway today my son started to tell me how he was going to take off work early to plan time with the family and how he was going to buy everybody in the family presents. I started to ask him why was he in such a good mood? My son started to cry and he told me that he wasn’t in a good mood but he just trying do some nice things because this was going to be his last time to be with his family and friends. I was puzzled because it didn’t make sense to me. After probing for a while he told me that after Christmas he was going to commit suicide because he feels that it’s the only way to show his ex fiancee that he loved her and regreted his cheating. I told him suicide is not the answer and that I love him very much. However, I am afraid that he will kill himself unless I can get his fiancee to take him back. I know all of you are brides or brides to be. What can I say to her to get them back together? I already lost my husband (his father) to pancreatic cancer nine months ago and I don’t want to lose my son too.
Post # 3
I’m sorry you’re going through this. This is a suicide hotline that can help you both 800-273-8255.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t know if getting him back together with his ex FI is really the answer though. I would try to get him into counseling and perhaps on medication. He is obviously grieving the relationship and not handling it very well on his own. He needs help. Anyone contemplating suicide definitely needs to be in psychiatric care.
Post # 5
PS–If you’re REALLY worried about him, you can call the police and have him committed as being a danger to himself.
Post # 6
I second PPs advice to seek help for your son and for you immediately. I am so sorry for what you’re going through. I don’t have advice for getting him and his ex back together, as for many cheating is a dealbreaker and an apology is not enough. Help him figure out other ways to get her back, like sending flowers, vowing to be loyal, etc. And if this doesn’t work point out that maybe she wasn’t the right one for him. I am so sorry 🙁
Post # 7
You can’t force anyone who has made her mind up to be with someone she has left.
You need ti get him into some sort of therapy or suicide pervention counceling. I suggest calling the suicide hotline and or comitting him to the hospital under a 72 hour psychiatric evaluation.
Post # 8
Call the police, get him help. It will be the best decision you ever make.
Post # 9
Threatening suicide is a horrible way to heal this relationship! What’s going to happen the next time they hit a rough patch?
He should seek help for his suicidal thoughts, and handle his relationship separately. Plus it’s him that needs to figure out if the relationshipmis salvageable, along with his ex-fiancé, not his mom. While your intentions are good, your son needs to handle the relationship on his own.
Post # 10
- Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn
You can’t get them back together. If their relationship is broken, that’s what it is. If it wasn’t, then he wouldn’t have cheated in the first place. It sounds like your son is having a serious case of hindsight being 20/20, and feeling the guilt he may not have felt while he was transgressing.
I’m extremely sorry that you’re going through this. I can’t judge his seriousness and committment to this as I don’t know him, but the holidays do kind of force us to juxtapose our lives against others and think about all of the things we’ve done in the past year, and in realizing what he let go, doesn’t know how to deal. It’s not uncommon around this time of year, and it does contribute to the higher levels of suicide around the holidays.
Your son does not need to get his ex back. He needs help. He needs to forgive himself, work on himself, and love himself before he is ready to get back to even dating. If this particular instance with the ex is really getting to him that much, he should face it and get himself to a place where he can apologize and he can move on. I know the word gets tossed around as the end-all be-all cure for almost everything, but I seriously think counseling would do him wonders. The hotline given above is an excellent source of information to help you move forward. Good luck and HUGS! Loving family more than they sometimes love themselves is really difficult.
Post # 11
You cannot tell his ex or her parents. This is harsh but it is not their issue any longer. Please get your son help.
Post # 12
Call the police. Get him help. Trying to get them back together isn’t going to solve anything, this goes way deeper than an ended relationship.
My sister actually attempted suicide after a breakup, no one wanted to actually get her help she needed until it was almost too late.
Get him help, now.
Post # 13
@shadowblind: + 1
OP, suicide isn’t something that someone just jumps to because something awful happened. I think the breakup is just showing you that there might have been deeper issues (happy people also don’t cheat on people they love), and it’s time that he really starts dealing with whatever has been making his life unbearable. Him getting back together with her is not the cure. He needs intensive treatment with talk therapy and he might need to see a psychiatrist to see options for his brain chemistry. But do it now.
Post # 14
Please take this very seriously. As others have pointed out, your son is demonstrating many of the behaviours of someone planning to end their life. He should not be left alone, and needs professional help.
Post # 15
@WillyNilly: I agree. It is definitely not something that just happens.
I was diagnosed with depression in March, but I and my doctor believe I have had it for years and some issues are from childhood. I never asked for help or told anyone until I was very close to suicide and once held a knife to my stomach. I am a lot better now, and if I had not gotten help I may not have been here today. So please take your son’s cry for help seriously and get him help.
Post # 16
It is my understanding that most people who discuss their suicidal thoughts with people are people who are SCREAMING for help.
He is telling you because, whether or not he knows it, he’s pleading for you to help him.
Please call the police.