Post # 1
but I am not engaged ! My SO’s mother is recieving a professional “family” portrait for Christmas this year and I am included. I feel very akward about being asked to be in the picture and being included in the planning process. I have no idea how to bring this up to SO or how to gracefully remove myself from the situation. We are having Christmas at his parents’ vacation house in North Carolina, so it is not like I can excuse myself. Any ideas/advice would be really helpful. Thanks!
Post # 3
Who is insisting or invited you to be part of the picture? I think it’s a very sweet thing, but I’d just tell whomever did the inviting that while you are completely honored and feel very much part of the family, you are uncomfortable with the intimacy of said picture, until you are officially part of the family and you hope they understand.
Post # 4
Well, just tell your boyfriend that you dont want to be in the picture 🙂
Post # 5
I would be happy that I was asked to be a part of the picture. They are accepting you into the family, right? Most women here struggle with the opposite problem.
Post # 6
can you compromise and have 2 pics taken, one with you in and one out?
Post # 7
I understand your concern, but if I were you I would just be in the picture. You should do it as a compromise and nice gesture for your SO’s family. They made the decision to have you in and it might offend them if you refuse. If you want, tell SO’s Mom it was very sweet of her to include you considering you aren’t officially part of the family yet. That will say more than the actual sentence, it actually states how you really feel about it.
Post # 8
His father and mother are insisting that I am in the photo. His sister and adopted brother (and hsi wife) will also be in the picture and ‘know’ that I will be in it . It just feels a bit akward on my end. What happens if we break up and they are left with all these pictures with me in them?
Thak you for the advice. I just have to build up the courage to mention something. Maybe on the 5+ hour drive over?
Post # 9
Hm, any chance that they are hinting that your BF might make things official real soon??
Post # 10
I had this same exact situation happen with my ex bf and his family. They really wanted me to be in the pictures and so I went on ahead and posed with the family. In my case it didnt end to well…
The family spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on these pics and I was in the front row on most of them. Needless to say I ended up breaking it off with him. They were left with all these incredibly expensive pics with the ex in the front row. I can only imagine they weren’t too happy and I’m sure it didnt make any new girlfriends of his to excited either. I felt bad about it, but nothing I could do about it. Not at all saying this is whats going to happen to you, but that was just my little life lesson. If you don’t feel comfortable doing it you need to let him know. Its so important to share your feelings, especially when something is making you feel uncomfortable.
Post # 11
I would maybe suggest that you aren’t in all of the pictures. I assume that the photographers would take many pics, so maybe kindly excuse yourself for some so just the “family” has nice pics. I would explain this to your SO before you arrive, and your reasoning behind.
On one hand, I’m sure his parents would be sad years down the road once you guys are married and you aren’t in the pictures. On the other hand, you are not officially “family” yet and things do happen. So I think being in some of the pictures is a good compromise.
Post # 12
If I wasnt engaged and was asked to be in the family picture I would be very happy about that
Post # 13
@WifeofBath:I’m not sure what to say, because I would loooove it if SO’s family wanted me in the family portrait. We do have whole family pictures together, but not a formal portrait.
I say give it a go and enjoy the welcome feeling! PS – I loooove your username! As an English teacher, I am an avid Chaucer reader. 🙂
Post # 14
DH’s parents were the same way-to the point they were offended if I tried to not be in the picture. I think you should just go with it. = ) It was really sweet of them to ask you to be in it!
Post # 15
@WifeofBath: it’s very nice of them to include you like that and shows that they want you as part of their family. if i were you, i’d graciously accept and just excuse yourself from a few shots if you’re uncomfortable. I was just in FH’s family pictures a few weeks ago. they didn’t do them the past few years so I wasn’t ever asked while we were just dating, but i’m pretty sure they would have asked me this year regardless of if we were engaged.
Post # 16
FI and I both were in family pics before we were engaged. FI did feel a little awkward too, for the same reasons you have. But, he went along with it because he felt honored for them to be including him, plus he figured if we broke up, he wasn’t the one who had to figure out what to do with the picture. 🙂
It sounds kinda funny to put it that way, but for real… they sound super sweet and accepting, so I would go along with it and if something happens down the road…. well, you won’t have to worry about it! And maybe this is a hint that a ring is on its way… never know!!