Post # 1
My sister A sent me an email (EMAIL?! Ugh, we won’t bother with that) from her phone telling me my SM had a (another, years later) stroke. (She hasn’t been in the best of health, but I’d say this is a surprise.) Sis A said the condition was really bad and the doc says she won’t last a week. The ICU in the hospital only allows 4 “immediate” family members.
Those four members would be Sis A, Sis B, Bro and Dad. To make matters worse, I’m not speaking to my sister B. Also, my stepmom and I weren’t the closest, but we weren’t on bad terms, either. I see her about once a month and I care/love her.
Given that, would it be more of an upset to my sis B if I showed up? I don’t want to take away any time that her kids should have with their momma, and I don’t want to cause stress to sis B, (we’re not talking, but I don’t want upset her by being there, you know?) I don’t to offend anyone by not going or going. I’d like to support my Dad, but I don’t want to cause any pain. I’m at peace with not seeing my stepmom before she passes away, because, as my mom points out, she is probably out of conciousness anyway.
Anyone have advice for me? I don’t mean to be such a Debbie-Downer….
Post # 3
I’d go. Even if you have to alternate with one of the other family members, I think just being there will show your family a lot. How would you feel in a week, a month, a year if you didn’t go and didn’t get a chance to say good-bye.
I’m so sorry you and your family is dealing with this.
Post # 4
((HUGS)) – I think, regardless of any family-drama, any traumatic situation or loss always seems to bring families closer together. If you feel like going, then go. If you are more comfortable staying home, then maybe send a supportive message or voicemail to the family. I think you’ll do what’s best for you, and what’s in your heart.
Post # 5
Unfortunately I have spent more time visiting loved ones in ICU than I care to admit. People take turns visiting. One comes out, another goes in. You have my prayers and lots of virtual hugs,
Post # 6
so sorry to hear about your stepmom
i don’t know about the particular circumstances of the fight with your sister, but i think/hope that in these situations, conflicts take a backseat and become less important. being there to support your dad, or at least making an effort to be there, seems like it’d be worth it. when my grandma was in the icu, i’m pretty sure there was a waiting room for the icu, so even if you can’t be in the actual room at the same time as your siblings and dad, you might still be able to be at the hospital, and your sister can avoid you if she wants.
that’s just my opinion…
Post # 7
I would go, even though for don’t speak with sis B – it means more for you to be there even if you don’t see your stepmom.
Post # 8
:::HUGS::: You should go, even if you have to switch out with someone. Alternatively, call your dad and ask when would be a good time. I’m sure they must rotate out so you could stop by when Sis is not there if it’s that bad. Could this also be an opprutunity to put the past in teh past and reconcile with your sis?
Post # 9
I’m soo sorry to hear about what you’re going through.Given the situation i would put all the drama behind us and go see her.
Post # 10
People can take turns going into the ICU. I think you deserve to say your goodbyes just as much as anyone else.
Post # 11
Thanks for the support! I will go see her. I don’t think I would ignore my sister in a time of pain, I just don’t want to upset her. I’ll go ahead and see if I can pick a good time with my Dad.
Thanks a lot! I’m at work and I burst into tears, (so embarrassing!) I really need a sounding board for this.