- 3 years ago
I have an idea, I feel this could be a great place to support one another and to tell our stories about how we survived, broken hearts, affairs, loss of a loved on, abuse, anything really. Just a safe zone for us to tell our storey. I need to voice what happened to me. I searched all online for people who dealt with similar experiences but I can’t find one like mine. I don’t expect sympathy or even any comments. I just needed somewhere to get this out and if one girl reads this and relates to it then I will of helped someone.
For a while I’ve been trying to deal with my past, I’ve tried talking about it to my mother, grandmother and friends about it but I just get the same response “Oh the past is the past, he’s not worth the upset!” but I need to get it off my chest. Since the Cinderella Law is coming into act here in the UK, a law protecting children from emotional abuse, hopefully it won’t be long until the same is done for women (and men) who have been victims to emotional abuse in relationships.
It all started in 2011, I was a student finishing my degree and I met a apprentice who was living near campus called Stuart. Initially I wasn’t attracted to him but after getting to know him I started to like him. He was life of the parties, funny; charming everyone seemed to love him. He had this charisma that made me feel lucky to just be with him. So we began dating very casually, after about a month we started sleeping together. I told my brother I was seeing someone and everything was good.
Soon red flags started to show, we would agree to meet at the student bar for 7, I would be sat waiting until 9.30. I didn’t want to get up and leave as I didn’t want people to know I was being stood up, so I would sit and talk to Dave the bartender as I knew him pretty well. Also I had spent so long making myself pretty I didn’t want it to go to waste. There was no excuses really my student building was opposite the bar, and his Apprentice accommodation was even closer. When he did show I acted like I didn’t care and was to interested in my conversations with Dave to be bothered by his lateness.
Then rumours started circling the students that Stuart had another girlfriend in Australia, his immediate family moved there 7 years priors and Stuart would go back and forth until he got his apprenticeship. I hinted at it to him and he either ignored the hints or didn’t pick up on it. I decided to brush it off as just gossip. After sometime I tried to add him on Facebook and he wouldn’t accept me which I thought was odd since we had been together for about 2 months now, we were exclusive and known as a couple around campus. So I asked him about it, he told me he rarely used Facebook and logged onto my computer there and then and accepted me. True he didn’t seem to have been active for some time now, but one thing stood out his relationship status was “Complicated” he said he had forgotten to change it since he was with his ex. I took his word for it.
Some weeks later after more gossip and me having a look on his Facebook wall he seemed to of been with a girl called Bonnie in Australia. I asked him about it and turned out he did have a girlfriend is Australia but he had broken up with her when he came back to UK, except he hadn’t told her he had broken up with her. So I put my foot down and told him I had no intention of being someone’s play bunny, if he wanted to pursue a relationship with me then he couldn’t leave this poor girl hanging, how would he like it if the shoe was on the other foot? Then it came out that she was intending to fly out here for several weeks, and I’d probably meet her. I became angry for Bonnie, how horrible to fly to the other side of the world to meet the girlfriend of whom you thought was your boyfriend. I said it was cruel. He promised to tell her that they were definitely over and he was with someone else now.
After this everything was good but I now had a niggling trust issue, I hoped that time would heel and I had fallen madly in love with him. After 6 months, we were lying in bed when his phone rang and it was Bonnie, he was telling her to pack a couple of things for the weekend. When he hung up I questioned him about it, he told me it was her and she was here in the UK and wanted to meet up with him, he was planning on taking her around his hometown down South and introducing her to his family and friends. Yet he hadn’t offered to ever take me to meet his loved ones. So I told him how completely inappropriate it was for him to take an ex girlfriend back to his family/friends before me. Someone he wanted to marry and was in loves with (so he said). I told him if he took her to meet them before me, don’t expect me to want to meet them any time soon, and if he spent the night then not to come back to my bed.
He completely ignored my requests, he promised to abide by them but on the day he ignored my texts and phone call, he put me on the shelf whilst he spent the night with his ex girlfriend and took her to meet his grandparents, cousins and friend’s. I was distraught and spent the night crying in the lap of my best friend Liam.
It took me months to get over this, and then soon Bonnie started sending Stuart sex texts. So I hit breaking point and said “Me or her” I don’t mind you being friends with an ex but to put her needs before mine and then not lay boundaries down is something I will not tolerate. He agreed and then I got a nasty messages from her but I ignored it.
We started to rebuild the trust but things was always off with Stuart, he started to make comments on other girls appearances, I wasn’t an insecure girl but he never once told me I looked nice, pretty, beautiful but he would tell strange women that they were stunning. When I asked him about it he told me it was because I wasn’t blonde and could only be stunning if I was blonde. I was natural redhead (note my profile image) I sometimes died it black/very dark brown. He would tell women whom I was much better looking than that they were beautiful and his logic was, “Well they are, they’re blonde”. I never understood this logic of his.
He once told me to wear a particular outfit he saw on TV and my response was I laughed and told him I’d look like a stripper, his response was “That’s a good thing” and then sulked.
Soon his moods started to worsen and worsen. We had speed bumps in the campus, his car was ridiculously low and if drove over 5mph he would hit them with the bottom of his car. One day he hit them and he started screaming and punching the inside of his car, I was so shocked, embarrassed and intimidated. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, I have never seen a toddler behave like that, let alone a 28 year old man. Another time he was studying for his exams and I realized he had been on the books straight for 9 hours so I made him a bacon sandwich, I took it into him and he had one bite (never thanked me) then realized there was fat on the bacon, he threw the sandwich at me and smashed the plate against the wall above the bin. I was so shocked I didn’t even react. I just stood there, humiliated for him thinking “What is with this Guy?”.
Next he started pulling faults with my weight, I’ve never been tiny nor big. I am oddly shaped I have a big bum, but a tiny size 10-12 waist but with G cup breasts, on my bottom I wore a size 14 formal trousers but 16 jammies for the comfort effect and I would buy a size 12 stretchy top or 18 blouse and take it in, or A size 12 and leave it unbuttoned at the bust with a vest top underneath. He would tell me my bum was too big and I needed to lose weight constantly. At first I was embarrassed and thought “Sh*t I must of gained weight so I panicked. It wasn’t until I saw Liam that he told me I’d lost far to much weight and I needed to stop. Other people started commenting on it too. So I hadn’t a clue what Stuart was on about. He was a very slim lad at about a 28inch waist was shorter than me, I’m 5ft 4in. Maybe I just big compared to him. But I still began to get very self-conscious. I’d never take my dressing gown off, so no one could see my figure, I stopped going out because I was ashamed of my body.
We went to a wedding together, we were staying at the hotel in which it was held, it was a lovely do and all of our mutual friends were there, there was a time where we were all left waiting and I asked if he wanted to go back to the room for some adult fun, he yelled at me about how disrespectful it was. I saw his piont, apologized and we waited for an hour or so. At this point we barely had sex, he never touched me. When I brought it up he said he wasn’t attracted to me anymore as I was to fat. I hated myself. Halfway through the evening do, Stuart disappeared. It was the couples dance and I ended up dancing with the lads as a group.
After searching for over 2 hours I was bored so went to the room and there he was, watching the football. I was livid. One rule for one. He apologized and promised to make it up to me, he was going to romance me and we’d order wine, chocolates watch a film spend quality time together and make love. Five minutes later there was a knock at the door, one of our mutual friends asked if he was up for going on a club crawl around the night life. Stu grabbed his wallet and was gone without even looking at me. That night I cried myself to sleep and wrote him a long letter about how much I loved him but I equally hated him for all the pain I he put through, every day he seemed to take something away from me. But I was attached to him, there was something in me desperate and addicted to idea that he will love me the way I wanted him to one day.
I soon met his friends and they seemed nice, I really liked the girls they were friendly, bubbly and seemed interested in me. They asked about my friends. Now I don’t have a large circle of friends I have 2 or 3 incredibly close friends. Whereas this was a group of about 25 people in their late twenties or early thirties. So I mentioned Liam a couple of times as he was whom I spent most time with, the other was my brother. One night there was a small get together and Stuart was rather drunk, I hadn’t eaten all day and his friend Jen offered me a wrap, I began to nibble at it, as I’m now self-conscious of eating in public, Stuart took one look at me and slapped me in the face and grunted “You’ve had enough!” I was mortified I ran upstairs and burst into tears, I sobbed for about an hour in a spare bathroom, I tried calling Liam or my brother but couldn’t get through. I washed my face put on a fake smile and went downstairs. My wrap was on the floor from where I had dropped it and when I returned Stuart had disappeared but everyone whom was in the kitchen with us , Jen and her partner hadn’t seemed to of seen which made me feel better. The next day we were driving home and out of nowhere he turned to me and said “You’re not the best looking girl I’ve slept with”. I think by that point I had used up all the tears inside me. I just looked out the window and wondered what I had done to upset him.
He was due to move with work at the end of 2011 and I really thought this would wake him to what he was missing, not seeing me every day would be the wake up call to what he needed, how very wrong I was things would get much much worse.
That New Years I spent with Stuart and his friends, he had moved away at this point and it was the worst new years of my life. He took me to a Lion, Witch in the Wardrobe themed party. Pretty daft where I’m from but I was a good sport and went along with it, even though he did only give me two days to sort him and myself out with a costume and a themed one at that. So I pulled it off and everyone was polite and kind, I had met his friends briefly before for about an hour or two. It wasn’t the best atmosphere to get to know people since the music was very loud and everyone seemed to be drunk or on drugs, nice right?
At one point a nice young girl very pretty approached me and we spent most of the night talking, she was there with her girlfriend and her girlfriend was sweet, very drunk but kind. Stuart made a comment about how her girlfriend was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen, which made me and the two girls very uncomfortable. I got quite upset but I didn’t show it. Stuart kept trying to kiss me but I was embarrassed and felt really crappy. It was new years and I just wanted to be with my Brother and friends. He got annoyed at me, one of his friends came up to us and asked about my new year’s resolution and my response was “Not to let this one push me around” I was laughing and made a friends jibe at Stu and he was laughing too, the friend giggled and moved on. I was hiding the fact I was home sick, bored, lonely and upset.
In February 2012 I became incredibly ill and was bed ridden for several weeks, I couldn’t go to my parents’ house as my father had just had heart surgery and his health was vulnerable I couldn’t stay where I was as the University didn’t want the other students to get ill as well. Also I needed constant supervision as my spleen was in danger of rupturing. So Stuart offered for me to go back with him.
I went down south to where he was now working, 300 miles away from my friends and family. I recovered well but unfortunately I had gained weight about 1 and a half stone due to being bedridden for so long. Things were ok to start with, then at Easter time Stuart old me about how his friends despised me because I was “Thick”, I was devastated, I made such an effort with them, I was always kind and went out of my way. To me thick was the icing on the cake, I was better educated than most of them, not that it mattered. I asked him why? He told me that one girl in particular, Charlie had told everyone that I was telling people Stuart pushed me around at the news years party and I couldn’t be trusted. I only said that in mocking way and we were all laughing about it. To top it off he told them about the time he slapped me when I was munching the wrap and how it upset him that I thought he would ever lash out at me, as he couldn’t remember it. Charlie then point blank called me a liar because she didn’t see it, same as her partner Jimmy, he said if it had happened he would of said something as it’s bang out of order. Which to this day I do generally believe that Jimmy would have told Stuart his behaviour was beyond inappropriate. But the reason why they didn’t see it was because they wasn’t there! Stuart then told them about how low my self-esteem was due to my weight and he didn’t know what to do about it. This really upset me, the only people who knew about my weight self-esteem was my friend Lisa and my mother. It’s no one else’s business. So now is friends hated me and the idea of being around them panicked me, I developed social anxiety where I would cry at the idea of meeting new people as I just knew deep down they would say mean cruel things about me.
Despite all this I loved him so much, and he started to talk about getting engaged. I finally thought that he was on the right track and wanted to change his ways. Don’t get me wrong I now know what a terrible idea this would have been but when you love someone that much who shows you no love or lust you grab any straw that indicates they love you.
He promise we’d be engaged within a month, it never happened. He then promised we’d be engaged by the following months end and so on and son. These promises went on and on until he said, “Right let’s throw you a big birthday do at your parents, we’ll announce our engagement there” He then took me out to pick a ring, I chose a stunning Aquamarine ring and I even watched put a deposit down and him request it to be made smaller (was a size or two to big). I was so happy, finally proof this man really did love me. So I told my parents I wanted a lavish garden tea party.
The day came around and there was a good 90 people there, all my friends and family. I have a huge catholic family, as the day was getting on, Stuart gave me the nudge to announce our news. So I gathered Liam, Lisa, my brother, grandparents, aunts, parents and announced our news. When I did so he scoffed and said “What are you talking about? We’re no were near getting engaged”. I was devastated this whole thing had been a game to him. He dangled the idea of a happily ever after in front of me and snatched it away sneering.
Something snapped in me then. I remember sobbing the 4 hour drive back, it was that moment I lost my fight, my backbone. I’d been broken.
I always got on with this Nana J, from a very early point she sat me down and said “He’s a difficult man to love, he treats his first girlfriend badly and expected her to follow him around like a lost puppy, your to good for him and you need to leave him, he’s a nasty boy. I’ve lived with him for years before and I know his character”. I should of taken her advice as gold and ran for the hills.
After the incident at my party we moved to a new area, I got a decent job and it was easier for me to commute and Stuart liked this particular area. I had a kitten and loved her so much. She did used to pee on one area of the garden but I was still training her and she did get a lot better, she had taken a shining to Stuart which was good. So having her around helped me cope with everything. Some months later the company I worked for went bankrupt so I was left jobless, I was going to go back to my city up North, but Stuart insisted on my staying. So I looked for more work, it took two months but I did it, I worked in a horrible Supermarket but a job was a job. I loved the people; I had gone two years without a single friend in that part of the South. I only got to see my family twice a year. So despite my anxiety about everyone I really pushed myself and met some lovely people. I worked hard and often. One day I came home exhausted to find Stuart on the playstation, he’d had his friends over and they’d all ordered food. I asked if he’d got me anything, nope nothing. Typical I thought and began to prep something for myself. At this point I was getting resentful, he was lazy and inconsiderate. I worked 44 hours a week on minimum wage and ran the house. I went to feed Kitty when I noticed her bowel was gone, I asked Stuart and two my horror he’d given her away. I was heartbroken.
Stuart started to go out drinking every other night, one particular night he phoned me up, I asked what time he’d be back and he told me he hadn’t a clue since he’d met a girl and gone back to her house. My world exploded, I realized I had nothing on this guy. I admit I went crazy. I don’t ever condone this behaviour in women and I know I was in the 100% wrong but this combined years of teasing about the way I look, his friends calling me a liar, 300 miles away from my family, my kitten gone, I lost it. I told him if he wasn’t home in 10 minutes his PlayStation was going out the window and I smashed his statue aeroplane’s up in a fit of rage. That moment I knew I could of really hurt him and ended up behind bars. I scared myself, looking back. Once I calmed down I hid his aeroplanes out of pure panic and fear and sat on the sofa crying into my hands. He came home told me I was a fat ugly mess and smashed up the kitchen whilst screaming at me for being controlling and “Difficult” a word he often described me as. I was always reminded how “Difficult” I was. At present I am crying writing this, remembering those emotions, I didn’t even feel like a person anymore and all I wanted to do was die. In some respect I was dead, everything had been taken form me. Define living at this point? I was existing.
My friend Liam was leaving for America, he did this every year to teach for three months. He invited me and Stuart to a small leaving do. In fact I was Liam’s only guest as his housemate was having a do as well. The deal was Stuart could go if he didn’t drink, I couldn’t bare the idea of him behaving like he does in front of Liam. He was happy with this rule. Once we got there, Liam’s girl flat mates, very pretty, very dressed up and drunk was playing drinking games. Stuart wanted to join in, but that would entail him drinking. So Liam said that we could all go out and then spend the night at his, I began to panic as the idea of Stuart drinking in the middle of Lincoln City, somewhere he wasn’t familiar with was a recipe for a disaster, I had all sorts running through my mind and all I could think was this is Liam’s night I can’t let Stuart ruin it for him. So I made myself look like a complete bitch and apologised to Liam about how we had to go. All I wanted to do was break down into tears and tell Liam everything, if he hadn’t of been leaving for America I probably would have. So I got my bag and ushered Stuart out the door. Boy did I get it in the car. I felt like such a bad friend.
Suddenly Stuart was telling me daily how unattractive he found me it got to the point where it didn’t even hurt anymore, It was ordinary life. One particular evening we were play fighting on the sofa, when I put my hands up to playfully protects myself when he decided at that very second to dive one me, when my nail grazed him on the collar bone, it didn’t leave a mark and it was a complete accident. He stood suddenly his expression changed, he want from laughing and relaxed to utter anger. He snarled “HOW THE F**K DO YOU LIKE IT!?!” before I knew what had happened he karate-style chopped with his hand directly into my throat, I sort of half fell half rolled off the sofa. I was grasping my throat which felt winded and ran to the bathroom. I locked myself in and cried. It hurt like hell but that’s not why I was crying. I was distraught and I tried to connections in mind as to what had just happened, how could someone do that to whom they loved?
We decided to go to Glastonbury, as I love music festivals and got sick of hearing “You wouldn’t be able to handle Glastonbury” type of comments and I wanted to prove to him I could, prove to him that I was “Love-Worthy”. So we did it, got the tickets got our stuff and I was so excited. Then I got some news. Bonnie, the very Bonnie from the start of our relationship was coming with us. Not coincidentally going to Glastonbury too but actually with us as part of our group. I was a nervous wreck. I couldn’t break bread with this girl after all that drama? Why was she flying all the way from Australia to go Glastonbury with her ex, his girlfriend and a bunch of people she’d never met? Didn’t add up and I wanted answers. Did I get any? Nope, the exact response I got was “Deal with it” and whenever I tried to reproach the subject I was being “Difficult”. I asked my mum for advice. She told me to go. Hold my head high and the one thing worse would be for them to know I didn’t go because I was “Threatened by her”. So I did. I took all the anxiety pills I could get my hands on but I did it, I looked them in the face and put on a big fake smile. Yet I still hated Stuart for putting me in that situation.
What you should know about me is I am highly allergic to see food. So during Glastonbury, me and Stuart went for lunch on the fields, he bought a toasty and I had a hotdog, I asked what toasty he had and he held it out and gestured for me to take a bite. I took a bite and didn’t like what I tasted so I swallowed it quickly; I turned to ask him what it was when I realized I could smell tuna. He had this over the top Cheshire cat grin; he sat there holding his stomach as he laughed at me. My throat and tongue started to get really itchy and my hands started to swell up, I started to panic and yelling “What do I do?” He told me to go to the medical tent but he didn’t know where it was. I started to cry and had all sorts going through my mind I begged him to come with me. His reply “Oh for f***s sake you’re not ruining my time here by being difficult, just deal with it “ he got up and walked away, leaving me there. Luckily a group of girls sat near us saw the whole thing and got me to the medical tent. I lost 12 hours of my time there, he tells the story that I just snatched the tuna toasty off his plate before he had chance to answer me.
At the end of 2012 Stuart planned to visit Australia to see his family over Christmas which I understood. So for 7 weeks he’d be away, I wasn’t looking forward to being alone for that long but I supported that fact he really needed to see his family. I was good and spent a lot of time with my local friend Sarah. I got on well with her and her boyfriend. They had started to look out for me. It had got to the point where I beginning to check Stuarts Facebook. I know that’s bad but after everything I was losing the plot. It’s almost like I couldn’t rest until found evidence to support my fears. He received a message from a man called matt that read
Matt – “We’ll take some girls out, what about that one your texting?”.
Stuart –“Narhhh she’s a lost cause Mate, I need to find a girl with looser morals”.
I immediately called him and demanding an explanation. He didn’t have one. He apologized and told me the girls name was Sophie. After he got back to the UK, I took his phone and checked it when he was asleep, he had tons of messages from a girl called Jamie thanking him for taking he out. I confronted him in the morning. There was no Sophie, it was always Jamie and he had basically been dating her in Australia. I don’t know if he ever slept with her, but as far as I was concerned he’d cheated on me. I didn’t know what to do. I went to work and broke down. I was a hysterical mess. I even had to be sent home.
Around March we went up North to see my family we had to be there before 4pm for a surprise do. He knew this and I was ready to leave at 11am giving us an extra hour, just in case of traffic. I had to sit there whilst he decided to make a last minute play list for the car ride, this play list took him until 2:45pm. My city is nearly a 4 hour drive away. My parents were livid at him. Stuart never made the effort with my family, yet he really liked them and cared so much about what they thought of him. We would stay with my Gran when we went there, she would lay the dinner out, he’d wait half an hour before sitting down and then never even say thank you. He didn’t thank her once for putting us up. She lent us over 6 grand at one point he never thanked her. Me, Liam, our friend Rosie, my brother and Stuart all went for drive it was late but we wanted to catch up and there lots of 24 hour coffee shops, so we went there somewhere quite where we could all have a drink and chat. Stuart threw an actual tantrum in the back of the car when we pulled up. He said it was pointless, why go to a city to drink coffee? And my friends must be boring when there’s all these clubs and bars around. We’re not massive drinkers, plus Liam was driving and it was a week night. When we got in I asked why he’d behaved like that he said “Why should I bother with you friends if you don’t like mine?”.
It became regular that I would think we were back on track and all ready to finally be together the way I dreamed then I’d get home from work and he’s have his wretched Cheshire cat grin and he’d say “I don’t think I love you anymore” the way he said it gave him such pleasure. He lapsed in seeing me breakdown and I’d beg him to tell me how I could win his love back. I do earn his love? I would wail in despair at losing the person I loved so much, he’d push me away and tell me to “Deal with it” and I’d sleep on the sofa crying. I was almost like a child again, all I wanted was to cuddle my mum and grandmother, have them stroke my hair and tell me everything would be ok. He’d tell me he could do better and that was that.
One afternoon he’d actually left his laptop open and a message popped up from his friend and I began to read the conversation. He was telling his friend that he seriously doubted I was “The one”. Again I was humiliated, I called Sarah and she came to my aid immediately. She’s an intelligent woman. She’d seen many aspects of our relationship and she looked me in the eye and said do you want my honest opinion? I nodded. “He’s a bully, he plays games with your mind, he controls you and is an emotional abusive Arse”. Hearing her say it out loud made me realize I needed help. I didn’t have the strength to get out this. But everything was clicking into place, I knew I did want out now, but I couldn’t. Some invisible force was trapping me; deep down I still had hope.
Sarah introduced me to knew people, she did it slowly knowing of my anxiety issues as she suffered from them to. She introduced me to a group of lads that were all good friends of her boyfriends. I hung out with them a couple of times, they would flirt with me very openly and it made me feel womanly and pretty again. I never fancied any of them nor did I flirt back. I would usually smile and then shy away. But they gave me some confidence back. One night after work, the lads invited me, Sarah and her boyfriend to a BBQ. Stuart was invited too. So Stu was going to pick me up from work as it was after public transport had finished. When waiting for Stuart, I phoned after an hour had passed and there was no sign of him, he answered and was screaming at me about how I’d ruined his favourite t-shirt. Every t-shirt was his favourite which is why he had the entire wardrobe, two chests of drawers and I had my things in cardboard boxes under the bed. Despite that I’d paid for all the furniture. This t-shirt was bought at a gimic stand where he’d done his sky dive, very badly/cheaply made. I put it on a 30 degrees wash, as the label told me to do so and the red colour ran into the white. He swore and screamed at me for ruining it and being spiteful. I then called Sarah told her what had happened and I’d be running late as now I had to ring for a taxi. She was livid. She told the guys what had happened. Once I got in, I began to get ready. I then made my way to the lads house where the BBQ was taking place. Once there Stuart phoned continuously saying sorry and asking if he could come now he’d calmed down (he didn’t know the address). I asked one of the lads for the address. Who then took the phone off me and told Stuart, that he was not welcome at the property, they will not put up with his attitude towards me and I deserve better. I know the lad meant well but I freaked out, what was I going to go home to now? That night I made Sarah stay on the sofa with me at their house and then I made my way home when I knew Stuart was at work.
There had been an incident before when Stuart had humiliated me in front of Sarah and her fella. We went out for dinner, about 8 of us. Stuart wouldn’t let me order a meal, he made me sit there and sip a glass of juice. Sarah and her partner didn’t really know what was happening and I made them swear not to get involved. So after that they were both pretty cautious of him.
In September I did the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Stuart had pulled his usual “I don’t love you anymore, deal with it” trick. I was so low. So I picked up the phone and phoned my parents. I can’t tell you where I got the courage to do that because I don’t know. I think my body knew what was happening to me so I secretly kept this tiny ball of bravery away for when it was needed, that is the only explanation. My little sister answered, Imogen. I stopped my tears instantly and paused the whimpering and begged myself not to stutter, I couldn’t bare the thought of my little innocent sister knowing what was happening. I asked for Mum, she told me she was at my grandmas, I calmly explained that she needed to get Mum to call me now. It’s very important and she needs to make sure she does it. So I waited for 20 minutes and still no call, I was beginning to lose my nerve. So again I picked up the phone and called my Gran. I asked for my mum and I didn’t even speak, I just cried down the phone, I told her I want to come home. I said I’d had enough, coming to the South was the worst thing I ever did. She asked me to take deep breaths and told me to explain what had happened. I told her what Stuart had said I told her everything he’d done to me, she began to cry and told me I needed to talk to Gran as she needed to take a minute, I could hear my mother weeping in the back ground but I’ll never forget how amazing my Gran was in that phone call, she calmed me down, she calmed my mum down. She told me six months’ time how everything would be different. If I needed to come home, then she’ll get me home. Right now, I needed to breath, go to bed and have a think about what I want in the future. I did exactly that.
I wanted out, I’d done the hardest thing and now I needed to save money and wait for my tenancy agreement to run out, I needed to distance myself from Stuart. So I started spending all my time with Sarah or at work. I would sleep in the separate bedroom. He didn’t even notice for the first month.
October rolled around and I was already doing better, he got nastier but I think I must of put a wall up because it didn’t seem to cut half as deep as it did before. One of lads Alex was throwing a movie themed Halloween party at their usual place and loads of people were going. I was actually quite excited and loved the idea of working on a costume with Sarah. She was going as Ripley from Alien and I was going as Wonder Women. Stuart now had friends from Australia living with us which made our sleeping arrangements very awkward. They got the spare room and I usually took the sofa unless Stuart was on nights then I took the bed, after all I did pay for it and he just hadn’t seemed to of noticed.
When Stuart got the jest of the fancy dress he asked if he could come, yet Alex had already expressed that Stuart was not invited to the party earlier. So I just said that it was small do and not a big thing, since I genuinely didn’t want to hurt his feelings or cause drama. Suddenly he throws demands about how he wasn’t going to let me go. Since they’re all boring and why should I go if he’s not even invited. At this time Jimmy’s 30<sup>th</sup> party was also on the cards, I wasn’t invited but Bonnie was. I had completely given up with his friends at this point and just let them do as they pleased, I was too busy trying to keep my head above the water with Stuart. If he was to attend Jimmy’s then I’ll definitely be going to Alex’s, especially since me and Sarah had been working hard and spending lots on our costumes.
The party was early November and it swung around rather quickly, it was fun atmosphere getting ready Sarah and her partner, came round to mine and brought Chinese. Stuart was away on some ones leaving do. We had food together and caught up and really felt like my old self again. I did Sarah’s hair, and she did my tan. Soon we were merry enough to go.
Whilst there I was introduced to everyone. I began talking to a tall handsome called Phil. He was charming and intelligent. Somehow I got talking to him about my relationship issues. I told him about the Glastonbury incidents and he was silent. At first I thought he thought I was lying, then he went on to tell me a story about how is ex roommates were a couple and they went on a group couple holiday, on the first night of the holiday he broke up with her and he would bring home different girls and as she slept on the sofa listening to them have sex, heartbroken. As soon as the came back to the UK, he begged her forgiveness and she took him back. He asked me what I thought, I told him that she was a fool, he’ll go on acting like that. Phil then looked me in the eye and said “That’s my reaction to your story”. No one had ever put this light on it for me. Me and Phil were inseparable that night, we talked for hours. When it was time to go, I realized how much I liked him and the chemistry we had, I wrote down my number and gave it to him. That night we texted until we fell asleep. The next day was a Sunday and he asked me when he could see me next, I agreed to meet him Monday. We constantly texted, Stuart started to notice but never said anything.
On the Monday I wore a long black low cut dress, I felt sexy yet elegant. We met up and chatted for hours, I told him all about my relationship and he listened to me. We went for a walk and he told me how much he liked me and wanted to date me but understood the position I was in. I told nothing could come of us until I had broken up with Stuart but I was scared of how he’d take the news. Phil reassured me that he would be there if anything was to happen.
We stayed in touch, that Thursday I sat and waited for him. I have never been more nervous in my life. In he came, slouched and as miserable as ever. He sat down and I just looked at him and said “We’re not together anymore!” It was blunt but I wanted it over and done with. He just shrugged his shoulders and said “Fine”. I couldn’t believe how easy that was. I ran into my room and did a sort of wiggle dance. I text Phil telling him, he was chuffed. I text Sarah and she was thrilled. I slept like a baby that night.
I began to see Phil often and we were soon officially dating, I was over the moon for him. He was so big and strong yet didn’t have a nasty bone in him. I was funny and smart and applauded my achievements rather than mock them. I felt appreciated. Soon Stuart began to act up, I just tried to stay completely out of his way until the tenancy ended. One night I got ready for a date with Phil, when Stuart came home and asked why I looked nice, he demanded to know where I was going and I flat out told him “I’m meeting a guy called Phil” he was shocked but I wasn’t going to lie to him, nor rub it in his face. My plan was to be civil but stay out his way. <br /> Another night Stuart said he wanted to talk to me about the break up. He had questions, he asked if I fancied Phil and was romantically interested in him, I told him I was. He asked that if we had partners round could we not do it when the other is home, I agreed. I hadn’t done this anyway but wanted to assure him that I didn’t plan on doing it. Some days later I was getting ready for work when I tripped over a pair of girls shoes in the lounge. I realized he had someone with him in his room. I quietly left for work. That evening I went to get a bath when I realized all my bath towels were gone, I asked Stuart about it. He reluctantly went into his room and shoved them into my hands. They were covered in minstrel blood. I was so angry it’s one thing to break your own agreement, but to use my towels to clean up the mess was so disrespectful and not even been apologetic about it. I told Phil what happened he said it was not on but to think I’d be out of there in a month. The worst part was I knew Stuart was going through my room/handbags. But I decided to rise above it.
One night me and Phil were at mine we were watching a Movie in my bedroom when Stuart walked in, he was supposed to be further down south for the week. So we agreed to finish the last ten minutes of the film and then make a move. My phone rings, it’s Sarah and she asks If I’ve seen what’s on Facebook. I tell her I couldn’t care less about Stuart’s opinion anymore. She then informs me that my Brothers got involved. So I have no choice but to have look at what’s happening. Stuart was telling the world about how I was a prostitute and had at least 6 different men in my bedroom since we broke up. All his friends were jumping in calling me a bitch, a liar, a whore, a fatty ect. My brother was telling them all to grow up, act their age and if they had any shred of dignity then to stay out of our business. Then they all turned on him calling him an uneducated Northener. He laughed and just told them to get lost. Ironic part is he was offered a place at Oxford and was a Martial Arts regional manager, but they assumed he was uneducated because he was Northern and worked in a Poundstretcher retail store as a teenager. But a year ago they said I was “Thick”, when I have two degrees, a pattern was forming. Very classy bunch of hippies they were indeed. I had lost my temper at this point, you can talk trash about me but not my Brother. I stormed into the lounge and smacked a glass from his face. He was at the time on phone laughing to one of his mates at my brothers expense. After 3 long years of crap this was my line. You could beat me down, brake me and even take my heart but you will not disrespect my brother or sisters. I screamed at him, told him he was a ugly, worthless, abusive piece of shit and no women should ever have to deal with him. It takes one f***ed up little boy to bully a women who’s done nothing but care for him. He didn’t deserve me, he didn’t deserve any woman. He sat there and completely denied everything called me a skank. I asked why he could women over but it was different rule for me, and where have these 6 imaginary men come from? He told me he understood I had difficulty with “Numbers” but I should keep better track of my clients (Again a thick comment, I think he must have had serious issues with the fact he got kicked out of University for not being good enough and I had done it twice). He kept calling Phil a “Twat”. Phil came barging in and started yelling too. Phil told him that as long as he was around nobody shall talk to women like that, above all his woman. As angry as I was my heart did melt a little. Stuart said I was rubbing it in his face that I had met someone because he had founf The Pill and my bag and had to google the brand to make sure it was The Pill, a sentence that completely contradicts itself but I even then I got accused of being pregnant, he wouldn’t say how he’d gained this amazing information but swore it was the truth, of course me and Phil laughed. Stuart asked me how I could live with myself carrying another mans baby so close to our break up, right then with smile on my face I looked him in the eye and said “Deal with it”.
Before he could lash out once more Phil turned to him and said “I’m not a violent man but if you think I’ll let you hurt her anymore, I’ll gladly ensure that you leave in an ambulance and me in a cop car in the opposite direction”. Stuarts response was one I’ll never forget “Yeah your right mate, Im really sorry, sorry”.
Stuart never bothered me again. As of this day I live with Phil, he’s such a great man that reminds me of my Granddad. I still get upset when I think about what Stuart did to me, sometimes I get panicky that Phil thinks I’m fat, he then says he’ll show me how sexy I am and kiss me all over and take me to the bedroom. I worry every day that Phil will say he doesn’t love me, but I understand this isn’t a reality for me anymore. I am happy and I have never loved someone so much, every day I look at him and count my lucky stars, he saved me and I know how much he loves me. Last time I saw Stuart was January 2014 when he moved away for good. He still sends my parents emails begging them to put him in touch with me but they don’t allow it.
I do sometimes get upset when I think of the mental scars he’s causes and one day he’ll do it to another girl. I pray this never happens, but I hope to my hearts end that she finds the courage so much quicker than I did and run for the hills. I always said it would never happen to me and it did.
Me and Phil are saving to buy a house back up North in my City we’ve been together 9 months and in April we discovered we were expecting a baby and couldn’t be happier<br />
Thanks for reading and I hope my story helps someone out there x x <br />