My story, waiting and trying to have 'a talk' w/ it being 'a fight'

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Calmly.  And if that doesn’t work, couples therapy.  I would be so angry if my dad and mom were still married while she’s gone off sleeping with some other man (which she was)… she made him keep her in the will, and now two years later, he’s FINALLY just put us kids on it.  Tell him you need security in the relationship.  Try not to get emotional.  And think about your words carefully.  Also, be loving during the discussion… let him know your heart is in the right place.

Post # 3
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

browneyedgirl76: What I would do:  make a nice relaxed date without the kids, and tell him how much he means to you, remind him of how much you mean to him that and that should something happen to him, his “legal wife” will get All financial gain, cause “At the end of the day, I have no ring, security.  His ex wife legally has all of that.” 

Post # 5
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

browneyedgirl76:  When he brings up marrying you, remind him that he will need to be legally divorced first. I’m surprised he talks about wedding details but shows no initiative in starting the divorce process. Just make it a logical discussion, A has to happen before B. You could even bring it up yourself; ask about when he’d like to get married and share your timeline as well. Naturally that will lead to a discussion about the divorce.

Post # 6
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with the previous posters before me.  I also want to add that you should expect to hear things you might not want to hear and to consider the possibility that you may have to leave.

Post # 7
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee

I kinda don’t blame people who go through nasty divorces, not wanting to jump into getting married again. I was engaged to a guy and we split, it was awful and I was kinda commitment phobic for awhile.

This being said you are in a commited relationship and if you feel like you would like to be married you deserve that. You are not his soon to be ex wife and things hopefully will be much different than last time. I would just have a casual conversation about where he is at with how he feels about getting married. To me it sounds like he wants to marry you I would just say have repsect for the crap he is being put through ( you as well because having a partner going through a divorce is not easy), and be patient. I think it will happen 🙂

Post # 8
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

browneyedgirl76:  If she has zero contact with them, maybe he should also ask her to give up her rights to them.  It would be safer for the kids, as well, if you were to both marry him AND adopt him (especially if they’re still young).  If anything were to happen to him, where would they go?

My advisor did this for his wife’s son.  The dad was out of the picture, only visiting twice a year, so to add to the child’s stability, my advisor adopted him.  It’s something to seriously consider… especially if they’re school-aged children.

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