Weddingbee boards

So, I posted last week or so about how my SO mentioned "a surprise." Well, yesterday I got one..... some clothing. Mind you, it wasn't really that much of a surprise. He told me before he saw something that was ah-mazing and he thought it would be perfect for me. He described it in detail and how he wanted to buy it for me but the store was closed or he didn't have time to stop or whatever. Well, yesterday he came home with it.

I sound like an awful horrible person, I know. *Le sigh* I won't even get into how I would never in my life buy myself that. The real issue is that more money that is out of his pocket that could be used towards a freaking ring. He confirmed that the clothing was his surprise too, so it's not like this is some fake out.

I really want to cry. Yes, I am a horrible selfish brat, but really... clothes? Not to mention that I prefer to buy my only clothes. My SO picks cute stuff, but it's usually not "me." I sound like such a witch, don't I? :(

Now, SO has been joking about how is he ever going to find a present better than the coat. I know how... maybe a ring??? :( I know V-Day and our anniversary are going to be more of a let down. It's going to be more clothing or shoes... that's pretty much all I ever get... well, except for the ring that was not an engagement ring.

I think I just need to accept that I am not getting a proposal anytime soon, if ever, and just figure out what I want to do with my life. Stupid dumb surprises.

@ejs4y8: You remember, well! Yes, last year he got a "just because" present that was a ring.

I don't think he's doing it on purpose with the intention of yanking me around. In his mind, he really thinks he's doing something nice. He just has no clue how I may percieve his actions, you know?

Valentine's Day and our anniversary are both coming up still. At this point, I'm not holding my breath for anything.

If I were you I'd tell him to stop buying you clothes. Just say you honestly have enough and you don't want to clutter your closet anymore. And you'd prefer for him to buy you something more sentimental... or save his money for a ring. lol

@ejs4y8: He didn't tell me about the ring in advance. I still agree with you that it was like the dumbest idea ever. But I'm over it.

And I'll spare the long winded story about this "surprise," however I will say he didn't come out and just say "I have a surprise for you" to taunt me. It was kind of forced. And, I did know he already wanted me to have the clothing because he told me how much he wanted to buy it for me. Honestly, had the word "surprise" not ever come out, it really wouldn't have been a big deal since I knew he wanted to get it for me. I really would have seen it as a nice gesture.

That said, something does need to change and I do need to let him know clearly that he can't use words like "surprise" without getting my hopes up.

@gabrielleelise1981: The ring thing was a year ago and our relationship was in a very different place then, and, yes, he was THAT clueless.

To tell a little more about my story, FMIL asked me recently about whether we had dicussed marriage, and he and I talked about it also. FMIL said she wanted to talk to him about it. The kids have been talking about it. EVERYONE, it seems, has been talking about it. lol...

He knows clearly how I feel, as in if I don't see signs of engagmenet/proposal in the near future I will be reconsidering what I want to do with our relationship, so at this point it really is in a hold pattern. He has money to buy a ring... two perfectly romantic holidays are coming up...

So, I think that's more it than anything. I'm anxious and every little sweet thing is being seen as close, but no cigar because I REAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYY want to be engaged.

Oh gosh >_< I can't believe this guy. 

I think guys just don't put two and two together the way we do. My BF made surprise reservations and I got a little carried away wondering if "this was it". Then he mentioned it was for Valentine's day. It's still a nice gesture, but how could he not have known I was hoping the surprise was for something bigger? (ie. a ring)

And it makes it hard to talk about it with them--if you tell them "no more surprises, no more clothes, no more small box jewelry" it makes it look like you're ungreatful, and unable to focus on anything but the ring. But on the other hand why raise our hopes? Why do something that's going to make us think about this other thing that you KNOW we want?

It's a conundrum. I just try to convince myself that everything means nothing. Maybe not the greatest solution, but I couldn't come up with a better one. 

@Taylor4: 

And it makes it hard to talk about it with them--if you tell them "no more surprises, no more clothes, no more small box jewelry" it makes it look like you're ungreatful, and unable to focus on anything but the ring. But on the other hand why raise our hopes? Why do something that's going to make us think about this other thing that you KNOW we want?

This EXACTLY, Taylor! t's a total conundrum because, on the one hand, someone is being thoughtful and doing something nice and, on the other hand, it's disappointing because we want something else.

I don't think it's being a jerk to get someone you love a gift randomly either just because it's not "the ring." That's what makes it so hard, honestly. I do feel guilty and ungreatful and I am basically saying, don't buy me anything that isn't a ring. That's not right either, IMVHO.

Now, I will admit though if he gets jewelry for V-Day (or our anniversary) that is anything but an engagement ring, I probably will freak out and think that's crossing the line, and will let him know that it's not cool.

@eloping: Haha--one of the more constructive suggestions I've seen. :)

@saviandcrystal: Thank you for such a thoughtful response. That's kind of why I feel so bad because I should totally appreciate the good things even if they aren't "my pretty."

We have talked though, so he knows how I feel. It's just a matter of wait and see, which is SOOOOOOO frustrating!