Post # 1
So, I posted last week or so about how my SO mentioned “a surprise.” Well, yesterday I got one….. some clothing. Mind you, it wasn’t really that much of a surprise. He told me before he saw something that was ah-mazing and he thought it would be perfect for me. He described it in detail and how he wanted to buy it for me but the store was closed or he didn’t have time to stop or whatever. Well, yesterday he came home with it.
I sound like an awful horrible person, I know. *Le sigh* I won’t even get into how I would never in my life buy myself that. The real issue is that more money that is out of his pocket that could be used towards a freaking ring. He confirmed that the clothing was his surprise too, so it’s not like this is some fake out.
I really want to cry. Yes, I am a horrible selfish brat, but really… clothes? Not to mention that I prefer to buy my only clothes. My SO picks cute stuff, but it’s usually not “me.” I sound like such a witch, don’t I? 🙁
Now, SO has been joking about how is he ever going to find a present better than the coat. I know how… maybe a ring??? 🙁 I know V-Day and our anniversary are going to be more of a let down. It’s going to be more clothing or shoes… that’s pretty much all I ever get… well, except for the ring that was not an engagement ring.
I think I just need to accept that I am not getting a proposal anytime soon, if ever, and just figure out what I want to do with my life. Stupid dumb surprises.
Post # 3
Last year he got you a diamond ring, right? And now this? I feel like he just yanks you around a lot. I’d be through the roof if i were you. It’s like he messes with you on purpose! Not cool
Post # 4
Ah, that’s disappointing. Have you guys discussed engagement? Are you both on the same page?
Post # 5
@ejs4y8: You remember, well! Yes, last year he got a “just because” present that was a ring.
I don’t think he’s doing it on purpose with the intention of yanking me around. In his mind, he really thinks he’s doing something nice. He just has no clue how I may percieve his actions, you know?
Valentine’s Day and our anniversary are both coming up still. At this point, I’m not holding my breath for anything.
Post # 6
It sounds like you guys need a Come to Jesus talk. Does he know how much these surprises hurt your feelings?
Post # 7
If he really think he’s doing something nice, he’s awfully clueless. I usually give men a lot of credit in this department because, well, sometimes they are clueless, but I just have a hard time believing any guy is THAT dumb. I mean, really! All i can see is that he knows how badly you want an e-ring and he taunts you with “presents” and “surprises” that are anything but. Like, why tease you like that? It just comes across intentionally mean to me, to taunt you like that! In addition to having a ton of “excuses” for avoiding marriage.
Maybe i’m just projecting, but it feels like a repeat of the ring incident and darnit it bugs me for you!
Post # 8
If I were you I’d tell him to stop buying you clothes. Just say you honestly have enough and you don’t want to clutter your closet anymore. And you’d prefer for him to buy you something more sentimental… or save his money for a ring. lol
Post # 9
Oh girl. I feel you. I am getting to the end of my rope these days as well. I haven’t read any of your previous posts but I would ask him to maybe stop calling things surprises if I were you. Buying you a present is one thing but a surprise implies grandure and as excited as he may be to buy you a coat that is not some grand surprise.
Maybe you could let him know that for the future you would prefer if each time he plans to purchase you a gift he could take that money instead and put it towards your ring. I’m having these issues these days as well since I feel like SO could be saving more rapidly but he is not. It’s a crappy situation. All I can really give you is my sympathy. 🙁
Post # 10
@CurlyDreamer: I know exactly how you feel! I have had several similar things that happened.
It’s great that he’s being so thoughtful, but like you said, everytime you think “Is this it?” Don’t feel like it’s you that’s in the wrong. There is no way that you are being “a horrible, selfish brat,” as you put it. My BF is the same. He’s always doing lovely things and saying how much I mean to him and how much he loves me and I feel like saying “WELL JUST ASK ME TO MARRY YOU IF I MEAN THAT MUCH TO YOU!” I really can’t help thinking this way and I know I am being ungrateful. The waiting game is so hard!
Could you perhaps talk to him?
As for your anniversary and Valentine’s day, I know it’s hard, as I struggle to do this, just enjoy the day for what it is. And if he proposes, then its a bonus.
Post # 11
To steal a line from Dan Savage – it might be time to DTMFA.
I know some men are more clueless than others, but I can’t believe any man is clueless enough to buy a diamond ring for a woman he knows wants to be engaged thinking it will just a nice thing to do. It’s not nice, it’s mean. 🙁
If you have not done so already, I think you should sit him down and make your needs/desires crystal clear. If you really think that he is that clueless, you will need to spell it out for him – don’t trust that you’ve been hinting around at it enough. If you have already done this, well, then, to repeat, it might be time to DTMFA, especially if your feelings are being repeatedly hurt. Good luck.
Post # 12
Post # 13
@Wonderwoman217: “dump that m***er f**ker already”
Post # 14
@Wonderwoman217: What Gingernap said.
It means – don’t let men/women jerk you around, play mind games or be jerks to you/your kids, and if they are: DTMFA. No one deserves to feel continually let down/hurt by their SO.
Post # 15
@Gingersnap: and @gabrielleelise1981: Oh, okay, thanks. Never seen it abbreviated that way, lol.
Post # 16
@ejs4y8: He didn’t tell me about the ring in advance. I still agree with you that it was like the dumbest idea ever. But I’m over it.
And I’ll spare the long winded story about this “surprise,” however I will say he didn’t come out and just say “I have a surprise for you” to taunt me. It was kind of forced. And, I did know he already wanted me to have the clothing because he told me how much he wanted to buy it for me. Honestly, had the word “surprise” not ever come out, it really wouldn’t have been a big deal since I knew he wanted to get it for me. I really would have seen it as a nice gesture.
That said, something does need to change and I do need to let him know clearly that he can’t use words like “surprise” without getting my hopes up.
@gabrielleelise1981: The ring thing was a year ago and our relationship was in a very different place then, and, yes, he was THAT clueless.
To tell a little more about my story, FMIL asked me recently about whether we had dicussed marriage, and he and I talked about it also. FMIL said she wanted to talk to him about it. The kids have been talking about it. EVERYONE, it seems, has been talking about it. lol…
He knows clearly how I feel, as in if I don’t see signs of engagmenet/proposal in the near future I will be reconsidering what I want to do with our relationship, so at this point it really is in a hold pattern. He has money to buy a ring… two perfectly romantic holidays are coming up…
So, I think that’s more it than anything. I’m anxious and every little sweet thing is being seen as close, but no cigar because I REAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYY want to be engaged.