- 7 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
I suppose this post is more or less letting me get something off my chest, but I can’t say I would mind a little reassurance or encouragement to know I’m not totally insane.
My wonderfully kind fiance and I got engaged several weeks ago and both had the idea of saving money on our wedding so we could use it toward more important things (home, bills, a honeymoon). I was interested in eloping, and he wanted something more along the traditional route because he would like his family to be a part of the celebration.
The problem? Well, actually, is family has unfortunately become the problem.
I wanted a small ceremony here in Atlanta, only immediate family (his side) and my closest friends (I’m not in contact with my own family). However, the problem with his family is that should we decide to do that, his enitre family will not be able to come (which, apparently, is not an option). Not to mention, they tend to be very demanding with time as a group, and I’m not sure I can afford to host that many people, much less afford the venue to hold all of them.
So, we decided to get married this Christmas Eve while they’re all together at his parents’ house as a surprise wedding (for most). His parents know, as well as his older brother (who’s ordained to marry us) and his sister in law (whom I absolutely LOVE).
The even bigger problem: we are not religious, and his family is. As a matter of fact, they are very deeply Catholic (his grandfather has met the Pope several times and actually calls himself the patriarch of the family). Ever since we have told his parents that we are hosting our surprise ceremony at their home, my FMIL has been texting up a storm with me, very strongly suggesting that we need to involve Christ and perhaps have some scripture read.
Furthermore, I don’t think his parents (and I don’t think anyone on his side actually will consider this once they find out) have even considered the fact that I’m giving up the potential of having my own friends at my own wedding so that my fiance’s family can attend (to make it convenient and LESS STRESSFUL for everyone).
Not one single question on how I’ll handle the wedding, knowing that it’s a day my family would be there (but obviously won’t be), or concern over how I’m feeling. Not even a single word of gratitude. As a matter of fact, his mother has texted me, saying I’m “soooo lucky” (her words) to have the relationship with her that she never got to have with her own mother.
1. I don’t have that type of relationship with her, and 2. It just felt like a slap in the face for her to say that to me, knowing I’ve had a hard time with my own family (and since no one seems to care). It’s like his side of the family expects me to just be absorbed into a family that already exists, as opposed to supporting us starting our own.
I don’t know… At this point, I just feel like the ceremony is for everyone except my fiance and myself. I’m not big on the huge, white weddings anyway, but I j ust feel so indifferent now. Don’t get me wrong, I cannot wait to marry the man I love (I’d do it tomorrow if he wanted to), but at this point I just don’t even feel excited about the wedding itself.
Am I crazy, or does anyone else know what this feels like?