(Closed) My take on the kids at weddings thing

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

I agree with you but I’m sure most people won’t.  I can’t see why you can’t just invite those close to you and forget about  rules.  I wouldn’t do anything to hurt anyone’s feeling, but if I am close to one child and don’t know another I don’t see why it’s both of them or neither. 

Post # 4
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I totally agree! Well articulated, too!!! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yep, well said! We’re inviting our nephews and nieces, and most cousins, but no second cousins. Some neighbour’s kids, too, but those we are close to. It’s such a bloomin’ expensive day, it’s annoying to think you *have* to invite kids that would prefer to be on sleepover with their friends.

Post # 6
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I know I got dragged to a lot of weddings as a kid and I usually hated them, because I personally wasn’t close to those people.

Post # 7
Member
46160 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There is no rule about all or none. It is easier however, if you can articulate (even just to yourselves) where you have drawn the line- in your case, first but not second cousins.

It is almost unbelievable to me that so many people object when their children are not invited, or add them on to an invitation that was clearly meant only for the parents,

Post # 8
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

Miss Giraffe totally agree with you!!

I’de really like to have my MOH’s daughter at the wedding but we aren ‘t inviting any other children to the wedding and we know some people will really get urked if we invite some and not all. So to avoid the drama it’s just none. We aren’t having kids due to a few things: 1) If we invited all the children of all our guests we would be over our budget and about 40 people over our venue limit. One of my cousins has 6 kids, none of whom I know. This is a common story amoung my enourmous 100+ family. There’s just too many of us. 2) We’re just not kid people. Aside from my MOH daughter we just don’t want to be around kids. It’s not anything personal against anyone, but some people take it that way. We probably won’t even be having our own kids! 3) we just don’t want kids there. Have I already said that?

Anyway, it is a hot button issue. Wish it wasn’t though.

Post # 9
Member
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@NYshoppingirl: I understand that people might be upset if your MOH is the only one who is allowed to bring her child, but from what I’ve read I’m pretty sure it’s ok to make exceptions for members of the bridal party.

Post # 10
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

AH! I so agree with you! Too bad I feel like this isn’t the case, and not inviting everyone’s kids is going to be a huge issue. We’re inviting 38 kids to our wedding, it’s insane. It’s really only because I have about 6 kids that I can’t imagine not being there, so we must include them all. I am just hoping that a lot of the parents will want a night off from their kids and hire a babysitter. I’m horrible, I know 🙂

 

Post # 11
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think the most difficult issue is when you are inviting OOT parents, and not inviting their kids.  To take the most extreme example, if you invite an OOT nursing mother but not her baby, the nursing mother probably can’t come.  It is difficult for a nursing mother to be away from the baby even for the length of a reception.  It is pretty much impossible to do for a weekend.  And the alternative–leaving the baby with a strange babysitter in a strange town–is one that most parents just would not do.  So in those instances, you have to be realistic about the fact that you are not really inviting the mother if you don’t invite the child.  And if the mother is someone close to you (e.g., a sister), that can cause hard feelings.

Post # 12
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

I totally agree with Ms. Giraffe, we are having an evening dinner reception and the general rule is no children, however we are including nieces and nephews (there aren’t many), children of the grooms stepparents (that he never lived with), and a few older children (pre teens/teens) of very close family friends.  The invitation will be addressed to specific family members and RSVP card will say  “no children please”, those children who are included will be specifically invited. I can’t imagine that extended family and friends will be perturbed when they see the close family and a few older teens, but if they are, it’s their problem.  We do have a couple of friends/family who have breastfed infants and I have told them they can bring the babies if they wish.

Post # 13
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

You know, I’ve posted a few times about what a struggle this has been for us.  While we would really love to be able to accomodate everyone, there simply isn’t ANYTHING for kids to do at a wedding that begins at 7 pm at night.  They are going to be tired, cranky and fed up – none of which is a good thing for us or for their parents who are attending.  My older brother was vocal about this issue, enough that I actually think he is avoiding talking to me over it.  I understand that he is coming from OOT which is why I’m providing a sitter.  My MOH and her husband are also flying in from Texas and we haven’t made the exception there, either.  

When it comes down to it, there is a chance that we will relent and allow a handful of kids – but it will be wedding party children from OOT ONLY if we decide to do so.

Post # 14
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think I have posted this several times but I really question how many people bring their kids to weddings. I  believe hurt feelings only come into play when people decide to not invite their nieces, nephews, baby brother or sister, etc. to come along with their parents. Even then, their parents may not bring them. What also leads to hurt feelings is the attitude that other people’s children are not considered important. You don’t have to invite any children if you don’t want to but you also don’t have to point out no children are allowed. All these posts about screaming, crying, dirty, sticky handed munchkins destroying all the efforts of their hard work are likely blown out proportion. Unless you have specifically invited 40 kids, you will likely only have a handful of kids, if that many. Which is not quite enough to burn the place down.

Post # 15
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I have decided not to invite children to my wedding. I am doing a destination wedding, having the food catered (which would be about $28.00-$30.00 a plate) and paying hotel expense for my guest, purchasing the dresses for the BM. I think I have been considerate of everyone else wants and desires & they should accept the fact that I have no alloted funds in my budget to provide a meal for approx 25 extra kids. Sorry… I’ll send the kids some sort of gift bag with a gift card in it. That will probably cost me about $12.00 per bag.

Post # 16
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I have decided not to invite children to my wedding. I am doing a destination wedding, having the food catered (which would be about $28.00-$30.00 a plate) and paying hotel expense for my guest, purchasing the dresses for the BM. I think I have been considerate of everyone else wants and desires & they should accept the fact that I have no alloted funds in my budget to provide a meal for approx 25 extra kids. Sorry… I’ll send the kids some sort of gift bag with a gift card in it. That will probably cost me about $12.00 per bag.

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