Weddingbee boards

So I was reading this thread: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/why-do-people-get-divorced and it reminded me of some thoughts I had the other week about Prenups.

I am a supporter of prenups and here are my reasons why:

1) A prenup is not, as some people say, predicting divorce, or a recipe for divorce or a sign that the couple is not committed. A prenup is an insurance policy. You don't take out insurance on your car and then assume that it's ok to smash into other cars! You have insurance just in case something unforeseen happens. 

2) Why do people divorce in the first place? Because something, or, more likely, someone changes. Cheating, opinions on kids, temperaments, something changes and cannot be worked through, it is unforeseen and sad but it ends in divorce. Now sure, we'd all like to think that if we had to divorce that we could still be civil with our partner. But let's face it, if we could be civil, we'd probably be trying to work through it! Therefore a prenup is protection. A prenup is your current partner protecting you from the partner they may become. This leads onto 3.

3) A prenup doesn't just protect whatever it is that you both come into the relationship with (property, savings etc) but it sets in stone how you will split future earnings and property, 60/40? 50/50 etc? So if things get nasty the prenup prevents your changed partner from leaving you with nothing. It means that he can't wipe you out (or vice versa! You should never cross a woman scorned) We'd all like to think that it would never happen, that it would never get that nasty, but we'd also like to think that we wouldn't get divorced either.

In the end I certainly hope that I never, ever have to actually use a prenup, but when the time comes, I'll certainly be getting one. 

So, anyone else have any thoughts, pro or con, to share? Would love to hear, it's a topic I've just been thinking about lately. 

@bluebonnet: I'm not sure how they are legally enforceable, I'll leave that for MissBananaBread to inform us about. But I guess it just acts as a way to get your exceptions and limitations and agree to them on a legal document that you both sign. It's something therefore, that you are both in agreement with. 

I never want to get divorced, I am like you in that I would work through issues such as cheating, differing opinions etc. However, given that slight chance, that 1% in 99% that my partner could turn abusive (something I have no reason to believe will happen), I see a prenup as a way to protect myself in an impossible situation.

Signing one, or having one does not say that I am ok with divorce, simply that I am prepared for it should it ever be upon me. In Australia you can divorce as long as one person wants it, even if the other does not. So if I was willing to work on the relationship and my spouse suddenly wasn't (again, not something I'm expecting, but perhaps a brick falls on his head :P ) then I'd be protected. 

ETA: We never think that our spouse will cheat or betray our trust until it happens. And in most cases it doesn't happen! But you can never really be guaranteed that the person you marry won't change into a person you never would have dated in the first place. 

It's about being prepared for the out of the blue, no one could ever see it coming situations in life. At least that's how I see it. 

I'm neutral. I'm certainly not against prenups and I think they are quite important when one partner has more assest or makes significantly more money than the other. I also think they are a good way to talk about finances, financial situations and to work out what financal decisions are important.

On the other hand, having witnessed several divorces, I don't think they are completely necesary for people who already have similar financial goals, share finances before a marriage and neither person has a financial advantage.

Personall, ym FI and I will not be getting a prenup. We both make the same salary (and will continue to with our govt jobs), have been sharing finances for a while, and in the event of a divorce we will has it out then. If either of us owned something that was an advnatage over the other (i.e. he owned a house or I had significant savings outside of our relationship) it wouldn't have been a second thought.

To each his own :)

@Au Jardin: Haha, me neither! Though really, in my relationship, I'm not sure I'd ultimately be the one with that problem. He does love his shoes.

@takemyhand: I understand your point, and it was how I thought for a while too, that if there is nothing to protect now, why bother? We are both earning the same etc. But don't forget that prenup also dictates about splitting finances gained after marriage. Right now you would probably think to split everything 50/50 but if anything ever turned nasty your partner could argue that you didn't do 50% of household work and take "more than his share". I've heard horror stories where the wife thought that everything was a-ok, 10 years of marriage and all of a sudden he has frozen her credit cards, divorces her and leaves her with practically nothing because there was no prenup to protect her. I don't understand how people can change this much but apparently it's possible. 

@KatyElle: Exactly my point! It's something I've really only just come to realize. I used to think of prenups as kind of "mean" and for people who weren't really in love. But obviously I've rethought this stance greatly. 

Edited for typos

I have to laugh when people say " Oh divorce isn't an option". The only person in this world whose actions you can control are YOUR OWN. You can never know for certain what another person will or won't do. I am a firm believer in pre-nups and wish more people would look at marriage with clear eye,  take off the rose colored glasses and for heaven's sakes protect yourself and your assets!

@MissBananaBread: Exactly. You work out a lot of money issues by just discussing and planning the prenup.

@bluebonnet: How enforcable it is depends on your state laws but in gerneral you can enter a contract to do anything as long as its legal. You can also put what the expected damages are into the agreement, and its usually monetary. But more often than not clauses such as those are good to show the parties expectations.

@CallmeC: lol...I 100% agree with you. Who does it honor to stay with a jerk that sleeps around on you? HIV/AIDS is real and marriage does not make you immune.

@Tickles:I agree with prenups especially about acquiring individual debt. I don't have debt and I am very strict with my finances. If my spouse goes out and gets debt it will be HIS debt not our debt. Also, my inheritance will not be considered a joint asset.

@Tickles: I understand the theory behind it all, but I think I just figure that if my marriage has gone down the drain, my life will prolly be pretty s**t and might as well figure it all out then!