My "uniqueness" is not being taken well.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

@Miss Moxy:  Flip it hard girl! Once you start changing yourself to please others, you are no longer you!

Only change for yourself and do what makes you happy when you look into the mirror. It is not like your deciding these things out of the blue!

Also, what has your FI said about all this? Have you two had a talk?

Post # 4
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Stick to being you and do what you want!  The day is all about you and your FI as a couple, so if you start changing yourself the day will become all about what others want.  Talk to FI and make sure he supports you and it’s what he wants, too, then tell everyone else that, while it’s nice they are so interested in the big day, you are happy with your decisions.

Post # 5
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I’m not at all saying you have to give in to her.  I understand that your hair style is important to you.  Maybe if you give in on something less important to you (I’m sure this isn’t the only thing that’s an issue) and see if maybe you could gain her favor that way.  It’s better to make friends with her if you can than to just fight with her.  Again I’m not saying you have to do this or that you should.  It’s very rude of her to expect you to just flow with her movement.  Your fiance loves you the way you are and this wedding is about your love for each other.  It just might help for in the future if you can think of something you don’t really care about that you can work with her on.

Sorry you’re having this problem.  Btw I think purple hair is cute.

 

Post # 6
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I second the other Bees! Stay true to who you are!!!

Post # 7
Member
2165 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

The only two people who need to love what your day looks like, feels like, etc are you and your FI!  It’s YOUR day!  Anytime it comes up, just gently say “thank you for the suggestion, but we are going to do it this way.”  It’s not your FMIL’s decision to make.  Stand your ground and definitely (although maybe metaphorically) flip them that bird!!!

Post # 8
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Stay true to who you are, and pick your battles

 

best of luck!

Post # 9
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Miss Moxy:  It’s your wedding. You have to be polite and courteous and feed your guests. But other than that you can wear whatever you want and style your hair however you want. 

Honestly I would be a little offended if I were you. 

Post # 10
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I say definitely be who you are, but I genuinely understand your hesitation. You are directly related to factors that influence how other people see your FILs. That would be stressful.

It doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything radical, just not typical. Do what you need, lovely. I think it will be gorgeous!

Post # 14
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

@Miss Moxy:  It is your wedding! The only other person that should have any say is your FI.

I understand people not liking different things and thats fine. But they shouldn’t try to control what someone else does for the sake of vanity.

As for your FI’s sister, what is she? Five? If she has a problem she should tell it to your face, not run to mommy for back up.

If your FI loves your hair, then do it. As for everything else. “I respectfully accept your opinion, but I would still like to have a wedding that represents who we are.”

There are always going to have people that want there say. And for your inlaws to think that it will be any sort of an embarassment is shame on there part.

It is so sweet of you to add Irish tradition into the wedding and it shows you do actually have them in consideration.

Post # 15
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ignore the naysayers! It is impossible to please everyone so go ahead and please yourselves. Your FILs might as well get used to the unique person you are, dont back down!

Post # 16
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@Miss Moxy:

If she’s only whinning about important things than I would tell her to deal with it.  I would explain that you are adding Irish traditions for her side and she should be more understanding.  It is totally possible that his sister is overreacting telling his mom who then overreacts even more.  Honestly I wouldn’t be polite about how she’s treating you to your fiance.  You need to make sure that he sees how it really is so that you know you’ll both be on the same page.

Doing everything always the way she wants isn’t the way to start your marriage.  Eventually you’ll get bored of it and probably be filled with resentment.  He might not like you following his moms every whim and end up leaving you.  He’s with you because he likes you.  If he wanted a woman who catered to his mom he would have found one.

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