Post # 1
I’ll just make this simple so it won’t be long 🙁 Any advice would be GREAT.
My boyfriend just started with Aflac. He will be making $$ soon, which is good. He has a little over 5k in the bank.
My problem is he told me to pick out a ring…which I did. I picked a moissanite, not because of money, but because it was just something *I* wanted. It is 1,250 $ for teh engagement ring AND the band. After I picked it out, he said it would “probably be next April or May before we got engaged”…as in of 2011. Are you serious. But, I think he is. Even though we have had SO MANY talks before about having atleast 8 months, preferably an entire year, no longer, of engagement. HE KNOWS I WANT THAT. Do you know what he said about it? He said “I still want to get married that summer.” Um, no. He also said I would probably just have to “work with it because it’s probably all he can give me.”
Am I wrong for being pissed off here? I mean, with insurance, he can easily make about 10k at a time. Am I wrong for thinking he should put over 8k of it in the bank to add to his 5k, and spend 1250 on my ring and band? I mean, I need time to plan the wedding, and I honestly do NOT think he gets that. I think he is thinking he needs about 40k saved up to do anything. I mean, I went the cheap route, what would he have done if I HADN’T? I feel like he wants to know he can have a new house before he even thinks about getting engaged.
Like, with the above situation…I feel like when he knows he has enough money for a down payment on a house, and enough money to live a good married life, he’ll have enough money for engagement. Which isn’t true. My mother says he is overthinking this. But I don’t know what to say without making it sound like I just want a ring and make him think he is being kind of stupid about it.
Post # 3
Is he on commission? That makes it a bit harder for him to budget because he could make a lot one month and not much the next. But you still have the same bills every month so you need to have a cushion in case business isn’t as good as you think it will be. Maybe once he gets into the job and sees how the money situation will go, he might feel better about getting the ring. Also, does he have to buy both the rings at the same time? Wouldn’t that some some money?
Post # 4
I think the problems start when we start trying to spend our significant others money. Yes he has the money to buy the ring you picked out but I can tell you from experience that a man will not buy the ring till he is good and ready. All I can say is good luck and hang in there he will get there.
Post # 5
@MrsSaltWaterTaffy: Yes he’s on commission, but right now he lives with his parents. And the money he gets right now, he gets parts of every month after this. So he’s always going to have money coming in. The way they do it is he makes sales, and he gets commission. Then each month after that he gets a check with money for all his sales. I don’t know how to explain it lol. So basically what I’m trying to say is that right now, that would be his only expense besides gas basically. And with the sales he would probably get, he could get over 15k in the next 2 weeks. Now, if he wasn’t making sales, I wouldn’t expect this at all. Or if he had a bunch of bills. But I’ve always just assumed we’d get engaged before we get a house.
The ring and band seperately would cost more in the long run. And honestly, he was expecting a more expensive ring, over 3k he said, so I’m actually being pretty easy on him. I mean I’m not expecting a ring right now. By December, yes…I want time to plan.
At one point he actually jokingly said “We could just get married in the courthouse and have the ceremony a year or two later.” and then another day “I’d like to do this as cheaply as possible.”
I don’t want a huge expensive wedding, and he knows that. He also knows my parents will pay for most of it. So he’s really starting to annoy me. He is so excited to marry me, but he won’t get a move on or stop making weird comments.
Post # 6
@JessesGirl: True. What’s dumb is I have 1k saved up in my bank account for his wedding band already. He has two or three he likes, the cheapest is about 1k and the most expensive is between 2 and 3k. So he is the one being all expensive on ME. I mean, I’m saving up for his wedding band and STILL saving, and I’m willing to buy it at any time. I also have a job where I work 20-29 hours a week MINIMUM WAGE so I’d say I’m pretty dang dedicated and good with my money.
I also pay for some of our date nights each week because I WANT to. He loves that. So…what the deal is here, I don’t know.
I’ve also told him that if he wants me to, I’ll try and save up some extra money for a down payment on our house. I’ve been trying to get more hours at work to do that, but it’s not working out very well because my boss is CRAZY.
Post # 7
From my experience with insurance companies…is that you can’t always count on that commission check. I’ve worked in the insurance fields. You can have a really good month and then tank for the next 3. Plus there is a lot of turn over in insurance sales when it comes to commercial companies like Aflec.
Suggest a time-plan to him and see if you guys can work a budget with each of his paycheck. But remember this is HIS money, so you can’t make him budget it the way you want too.
Post # 8
My FI is an accountant and let me tell you, it took A LOT for him to part with so much of his hard earned savings on an engagement ring AND still feel like he was financially able to support both of us. He needed to feel like he could support us financially in order to be comfortable proposing. Perhaps this is the case with your BF as well? He also wanted us to be able to get married within a year or so after engagement and knew we’d need to save for a wedding. Weddings are ridiculously expensive. Maybe your BF is feeling like he needs to have more saved up before he proposes. My feeling is it’s less about how much the ring costs and more about what the ring signifies and whether or not he feels financially stable enough to get engaged right now.
I was ready to be engaged before my FI was but once he felt ready he had the ring, asked my parents permission and proposed within a few days. Point being, when men are ready they’re ready and there’s not a whole lot we can do about it. It was frustrating for me to wait but SO worth it and he always tells me that the money he paid for the engagement ring was the best money he ever spent.
Post # 9
Thanks girls. I understand the money thing, but with my parents paying for most of the wedding, my ring and band BOTH TOGETHER being 1250 and his band being considerably more…I just feel kind of confused. I mean he’s saying 3 months to plan a wedding, and that’s not happening. I’ll be telling him he can wait until the next year.
It’s like he’s being really inconsiderate. If he was saying we can be engaged next year and married the year after, I would understand. But he WANTS to get married…he just doesn’t want a long engagement? Or even a NORMAL one?
Post # 10
Honestly, it sounds like he’s not ready to get married. How old are the two of you? How long have you been together? His excuses do not make logical sense, which leads me to believe there’s something else going on besides money.
I’ll never understand the whole “I need to have X amount of money in the bank before I propose” mentality. You’re proposing, you’re not going to the courthouse tomorrow to get married and putting a down payment on a house the next week. To me, a ring and a proposal is a promise to marry. You need to have all your ducks in a row before you MARRY, not before you make the promise to do so. I know some men tend to differ in thinking, which I guess explains the frustration so many of us Bees (including me) feel!
Post # 11
maybe you could ask him if you should start planning, tell him that most venues, photog’s, caterers and some officiant book AT LEAST 12 months out… mine knew when i wanted to get married too, and proposed two months before.. i didn’t get to get married on the date i had always wanted because he waited too long.. but everything turned out and the date isn’t such a big deal now.. and honestly maybe you could plan it in just a few months, i have seen a ton of weddings that were spectacular planned in just 2-4 months(and trust me planning a wedding for a whole year SUCKS!!) hope everthing turns out for ya!
Post # 12
@lezlers: I’m young and 19, he’s 23. Still pretty young. We’ve been together for 2 years officially and dating for 2 and a half. I’ve got 2 full years of college under my belt and he already has a Bachelor’s…we’re pretty mature. I have asked him if he’s ready for marriage before because of the situation. He of course said yes…I don’t know. Today he was telling me he just wanted to have a bunch of money put back for our house and stuff.
That’s the way I feel, too…a ring is a promise to marry. And he talks like it is SERIOUS that we are definitely getting married next year. Yet all I get is a “I’ll propose when I can afford it”…….
I don’t know what to say to him though, without making him think I just want a little ring on my finger. I want to get engaged because I’m sick of his entire mentality….”If you find a wedding dress, you can buy it now?” “You can pick out your colors and stuff now?” No, no, no. I don’t want people thinking “HAHA, he hasn’t even proposed and you’re planning!? What are you, obsessed? What an idiot!!!”
Plus I just hate listening to all the “So, when are YOU two tying the knot?” “So, when’s he going to pop the question?”
…I. Don’t. Know.