Post # 1
Hello everyone! I have been reading the boards for a few weeks and felt like I should introduce myself.
I am 24 and have been with the BF for 4 years. I have officially been waiting for a proposal for about a little over a year now as we have lived together for almost our entire relationship, and I have been having a tough time avoiding the ugly melt downs that accomplish nothing during the waiting phase.
Recently, my BF has been much more open to discussing engagement and styles of rings I would like, but I feel as if it takes almost everything I have to stop myself from mentioning engagement or weddings to him (frustrating both of us). We plan to take a trip in three weeks and I am hoping an engagement happens then, but I can honestly say I am not holding my breath!
Does anyone else get super annoyed when your boyfriend starts discussing everything they will be spending money on in the forseeable future that does not include wedding/ ring plans? I literally have to bite my tongue and remember it is his money and his decision as to how he spends it, while it is my life and my decision as to how long I will wait for a proposal.
It has been comforting reading the board and realizing I am not alone in this waiting, and I hope that you guys are not waiting too long either!
Post # 3
Omg I know exactly how you feel! It takes everything in me not to say something about how I wish he wouldn’t have bought a video game, something for his car, etc. so that he could have put his money towards a ring instead. Whats even more upsetting to me is that my boyfriend has a large savings account that he continuously adds to with no intention of putting any of that money towards a ring as far as I can tell….
Post # 4
I somewhat understand- my SO has mentioned to me that his next big purchase will be a ring, since he already got all of his electronics and etc out of the way. But now that I think about it- I don’t know when this big purchase will be, hopefully sooner than later?
So right now instead of talking about purchases, he is talking about school and his claim from having his car broken into. The insurance company will be replacing all of his gadgets and he is looking very forward to that.
I did ask him though why he doesn’t speak about it and he tells me that he won’t speak about buying the ring to ME because he is buying it for me. So hopefully he is talking to other people about it.
Post # 5
Been there, done that. NOT fun AT all. Ugh! You seem to be doing WAYYYYYYYY better than I have. I finally gave in to my emotions and started with the condescending commentary. It really blew me off when my bf (now Fi) already had a brand new BMW, yet wanted to buy/replace it with a newer one and had no f**kin’ brains to think engagement! He wanted to be married to me as he kept stating that even when I was not engagement minded. But he was just never ready to do it. He HAD all his ducks in a row, yet still quoted ‘financial problems’ as a setback. What, pray tell are those financial problems? Umm…. unable to replace said new BMW with another newer BMW. What is it with guys and video games? During the course of our relationship, he’s bought so MANY gadgets, it’s unbelievable! (Also annoying.) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!
Post # 6
It is not so much that I am doing well, it is just that I would hate if I become the reason he is holding off… you know, being constantly pestered as if he is my child and I am forcing him into something before he is ready.
When he talks about material goods he wants to buy for himself though, it totally irks me because he claims to be on the same page of wanting to be engaged, but that engagement takes committment!!
I just hope I do not look back on this waiting limbo with ill will toward him, and the happy feelings float over me when it does happen.
Post # 7
oh amd WELCOME- I forgot to stay that in my first post. I completely understand- same hting going on in my world.
Post # 8
I can’t believe I never came back and updated that I am engaged. I will find pictures to post soon!
Post # 9
my boyfriend had bought a house, that pretty much made me think, uh oh, not happening for a while, then we spent a lt of masonary for that house, refinished floors, bought appliances… all that time he had been saving little bits of money that i didnt know about. 🙂 dont worry… it’s in his head
haha i ust saw your post! CONGRATS!!!
Post # 10
@dashwoodgirl: Hahaha it’s the engagement excitement. Congratulations!
Did it happen in said trip?
Post # 12
Thanks everyone and I am also so sorry for not updating! We were engaged on our trip to Spain (in Barcelona) and without further adieu, here is a picture of the ring:
Post # 13
Congratulations! Do you have any advice for someone who is going on 4 years and is having the thoughts you mentioned here in this post?
Post # 14
3.6 years and he wants to buy a $1000 pool table
Post # 15
My advice is this- if you have voiced your opinions clearly and it is the right man, he will come around.
I shudder to remember fights about getting engaged – a time that should be happy, right?
I remember being so depressed I did not get out of bed for an entire day about two months before the engagement as he played with one of his new expensive toys. The next day it was like something had shifted. We had a frank conversation in which I was totally drained and just told him to do what he thinks is right, but that I am not going to be here forever while he mulls it over.
Two months later, on a trip he booked out of the blue, it happened. I think he saw the shift in me (and the fact I did not mention it for two months) as a sign that it was time.
Post # 16
I just read your story and follow up posts 🙂 Congratulations! And, a sincere thank you for the advice. I’ve spent a significant part of the last two months feeling so sad and frustrated. Finally, on Christmas night, I had a heart-to-heart with my parents, who were so supportive. Now I’m just gearing up to head back to the east coast and have that same talk with SO.
Btw, are you Elinor or Marianne (or Margaret)? 😉