- 8 years ago
So…here goes (this is honestly kinda for me to get my thoughts “out there”, so bear with me, lol)
At this time last year, we were planning on having an October 2010 wedding. Spring rolled around and we mutually decided we didn’t want to for a lot of reasons. We decided on October 2011. So I start stalking WB, making plans, all that good stuff. By March, I pretty much had the entire thing planned out and was hoping for a summertime proposal (he flat out told me it’d happen by the end of the summer).
Flash forward to August 3rd when we had a huge blowout fight about it.
Since then, the “cloud” of waiting, thinking, wondering has absolutely dissolved. At this point, I actually dislike even thinking about it! (never, ever did I imagine I’d feel that way). It honestly just put unnecessary strain on the relationship.
But, it seems that since this cloud has dissolved, I’ve been scrutinizing (for lack of a better word!) our relationship. I’ve felt slightly unsatisfied and even had thoughts of breaking it off. He is wonderful… honestly wonderful in so many ways, but we have one issue. He is not a very affectionate person, and I definitely require that. It’s silly, but it makes me feel like he doesn’t love me, when I know full well he’s head over heels for me. In my mind, words and physical affection = love. In his mind, doing things for one another = love. (5 Love Languages — I definitely recommend it!)
We have had open discussions and I feel very positive about the future. I’m not sure that I have “doubts” per se, but I just know there are some things we both have to recognize and work on for us to be the best we can be.
We have since decided that there is no rush on being engaged and getting married. I am happy to say I have no issues with that (yet! lol). We will just let things flow how they flow and it’ll happen if and when the time is right.
We’re still young in the relationship (a year and half), so we have some learning and growing to do together. I think our ‘waiting’ period will be nothing but positive. In my mind, it’s for us to get those demons out there and deal with them now before we take a step further together.
I’m excited for the future… 🙂