- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
It’s been few weeks since I posted last, had to take a break from thinking of any of this sort of stuff.
So over two months ago SO gave me a task to find all kinds of photos of scenery that make me think of us etc and send it to him. I figured it had something to do with him figuring out the proposing plan as he told me that 2012 is the year he will do it.
Less then a month later I got a text from him to send him 4 of engagement rings that I like so he has an idea. I was really excited and did that very fast! (within 2 hours) LOL
After that we were talking about a wedding more and more and even decided on October 2013 to be the ideal time for our wedding. Talked more about details etc.. I found myself looking at dresses and thinking of DIY projects for the wedding a lot.
And then I had a panic attack and s&^% hit the fan!
My SO has been married before in a Catholic Church. He is divorced legally and just started a process of annulment. Of course I asked him to start that process way earlier, but he was too busy and didn’t find the time to do it. Till I collected all necessary info for him. We figured that Ideally we would like to be married in the catholic church, however when we learned that the process takes 2 years or so (6 months before they even start looking at the case from the time of submission) we figured a chapel or outdoor thing would be better next year and then down the road we could do a very intimate – immediate family type of ceremony.
I started looking at the chapels and places on the internet, started to panic cuz I couldn’t find anything I liked. Held it inside of course and one day snapped.
The fight was about the proposal, wedding, his children that sometimes are being very tough to deal with as they are in the pre-teen stages, his ex that loves to be a pain, our plans of having a child hopefully before I’m 35 (I’m turning 32 in 3 weeks), us being married before we start trying to get pregnant, him and his coming up appointment to have a reversal done since he can’t have children without it……Pretty much everything.
Had a huge fight. Even got to the point that he said that this is making him twice about proposing.
I am not proud of myself for it, and felt embarrassed about it within 2 days after. I am generally a calm, loving and giving person and in the fight I just couldn’t see clear L
After two days of silence and my deep thought I wrote him a letter. I always found it easier to write then to talk and it’s something that we’ve always done.
In the letter I recognised my faults and promised him that I will work on myself.
That was a month ago.
Since then things have been great. Our relationship has been better. We even went on a mini holiday together and I didn’t even once think that he was going to propose. It was just out of my mind. I guess I figured that he will not do it now this year for sure due to the episode.
So now, the waiting feeling had started settling in again but it’s different. Now I don’t know anything anymore. I don’t know if he will do it this year, or will he ever. We haven’t touched the subject at all and I haven’t found any hints around the house. He has been really busy at work and that’s pretty much it. I am scared to raise the subject, which kinda is a good thing cuz it’s keeping me in line.
I went to a bachelorette party last weekend and was a bit upset for the rest of the weekend. He came to me and said that he knew I would be upset. I asked how come he knew, he said because I am not engaged. He hugged me and I didn’t say anything just wanted to hold the tears.
So I have no clue where we are in this. Just kinda feel sad one day, normal another. Trying to keep busy with sports and planning a fathers day BBQ.
It sometimes just sucks to be a girl with all these freaking emotions being part of my solar system.