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I would just say that you understand it's inconvenient for some people and you understand if they can't make it, but this day means a lot to you and your fiance and you are both very excited about it.
Tell them you hope you'll see them there. Then change the subject.
Oh I got a lot of flack too b/c of doing it over Labor Day weekend. I finally just said..."well that's the day it's going to be and if people really want to be there, they will figure it out" My mom finally shut up about it and realized that i was right.
Are a lot of people travelling? I chose an inconvenient location, and so I get comments. I think the best response is to acknowledge that it may be inconvenient, state your reason, then just smile. Don't apologize but don't get defensive. It is what it is. But take the comments in stride, everyone gets them.
FH's family dont get along well so I doubt theyd come anyway. His grandmother might come but she would like to be here for the holiday anyway. FFI lives 3 hours away. He always comes for holidays and long weekends anyway. Ive told a few people that if they dont feel like my wedding day is important enough to them then they dont need to be there no matter what day it is.
I wouldn't go with the "not important enough" approach. That is a tough time to travel, especially if you are leaving behind what you would normally do for Thanksgiving. You didn't say you have had complaints from friends, but I know I would not be able to attend a Thanksgiving weekend wedding of a friend.
Weddings around holidays are always tough because some people go out of town but on the plus side, some people can take off work because of it & make it to your wedding. There's also crazy "black friday" traffic that day, so be preparred to leave super early just in case!
No day is going to be perfect for everyone. There will always be someone who has to work, or gets sick, or is out of town, etc. I would just say you really hope they can make it and that you're really excited, like what spaniel said.
One of my best friends had her wedding on labor day weekend, but that's the only day I couldn't make it cause I had plans a year in advance. Its the only weekend out of the entire year I couldn't go. I felt so sad that I didn't go thou. However, it worked great for her cause lots of her family that normally couldn't make it, could because of the holiday. & I made up for it with a really good homemade gift of what she always had wanted.
Do what you want, not what will most convenience someone else. Its your life & if they can make it, they'll come. Just be understanding of people who can't make it due to being with family, etc.
& I wouldn't say the "if its not important enough" part. My friend's wedding was VERY VERY important to me, but I couldn't make it. I know people who wouldn't make it to my wedding if it was around Thanksgiving or Christmas because they just can't & will be with family. So just thought I'd chime in with monitajb.
Yes I may stop saying the "if its not important enough part" The only people ive said that to are people that I know arent doing anything that day except shopping.
I'm getting married Labor Day weekend, so I can understand your situation. I would say something like: "I think it is a wonderful tribute to my Grandmother who would have loved to be with us on this special day. We will miss the people who can't be there, and we are looking forward to celebrating with those who will."
Oh, and one of my good friends was married the day after Thanksgiving. She had a huge turnout of people, myself included, and we had a blast. You will too! Ignore the negative people who are trying to bring you down!
Hey thanks Monkeygirl! This is the first I've heard of someone else getting married on that day. Im glad you had a blast!
I went to a wedding on that day about two years ago (plan for traffic...). It was fine, and if anyone was 'missing' I sure didn't notice. My only 'issue' was that I couldn't get off and had to attend after working a full day. Hardly a big deal. (most of the world is already off) I always thought it would be a great day to get married!! Uniting in marriage, classic family holiday..... and GM b day, very special! Some people may be in town that otherwise would not be. I am set for June, outside, and my fiances neice (22 yrs old) said "OOOO that's going to be HOT" I very calmly told her "well, bring your bathing suit and we'll run you through a hose!" I say don't worry about being bride-zilla. They are being rude, and they know it!! Rude begets rude! If you wanted their opinion you would have asked for it, it would have been unmistakable and sounded like "hey, what do you think about that???". When they say 'why THAT day??' you could say 'Why are you wearing THAT shirt?' They'll get the picture.
That's my FH's B-DAY!!!
Don't worry about what people say. People will always have something to say, and most of the time they are saying it because they are just talking. Plus, who cares what they think, they aren't paying for it.
I am getting married on a holiday and a few people think that it is crazy. I don't say anything when they say something negative I just say "Oh", and leave them standing there. lol
Everyone always has something to say about the day of your wedding...I would just say "I understand if some people won't be able to make it but we've decided on this date" and smile and continue on with your life...We got a lot of flack for having our wedding on labor day week-end last year which also happend to be one of my family reunion week-ends...people were upset, complained, did everything, but in the end, the people that came, came and the people that didn't, didn't. I personally didn't lose any sleep...
We are getting married 'off-season' in late October AND on a Friday for financial reasons. And honestly, for the first month it was a nightmare. My FSIL even droppe dout of the wedding for that reason. Yes, it will mean that some people don't show up - but I just don't care anymore. People who make comments about other people's wedding plans are a huge pet peeve of mine - Outsiders have zero clue as to what you personal reasons are for choosing a date and it's completely rude to comment otherwise.
I knwo it isn't easy - but try to let it go. :)
I wish people would have chimed in when we were picking our date b/c it turns out it's the date of 2!!! college graduations (one from each of our families) and no one told us until 6 months after we chose the date and all our vendors were booked. We absolutely would have chosen a different date if we had known, we sort of randomly stumbled upon June 12th. Now we look bad and feel bad, but didn't even think to ask.
My sisters wedding date was the week after Tgiving which you could argue is worse than the day after Tgiving since everyone had to travel for Tgiving then for her wedding. At least being the day after, everyone has an excuse to only come to your wedding :)
Honestly, I don't understand why people flip out about holiday weekend weddings. We had ours on a holiday (obviously) but I felt it would make it EASIER for everyone to make it since I already KNEW they had that Friday and Saturday off work for the holiday. You can either choose to visit your family for Thanksgiving or you can go to a wedding. Sorry, but if I had that choice I would ALWAYS choose the wedding, Thanksgiving is just a glorified family dinner for us. Plus it's not like you can't visit family for Christmas, which is only a month away! Whiners. Ignore those people. I really like what Monkeygirl's response was, because how can you criticize that?
My wedding is the day after yours, and I'm hearing some of the same things. We chose this day because it would be the most convenient for many of our OOT guests. We are skipping Thanksgiving, because I'm sure that I will have last minute things to do anyway, and we are also planning on skipping Christmas (Honeymoon!). I'm a teacher and Mr. is in grad school, so we are limited on the time off we have. We were engaged too late in the game to snag a summer date at any of our venue choices, and so be it.
Your wedding is going to be a blast, and I'm sure you will have a good turn out. Thanksgiving is just ONE day, and it's a Thursday. Are you doing save the dates?
Oh, a good point - Letting people know about our Friday wedding was important to me. We aren't getting married in the city and because of traffic, it's far enough away that most people will take the day off of work if they come. I wanted people to have advanced notice and to knwo that it wasn't a 'normal' wedding date.
I would do Save the Dates if I were you. In fact, you could even do a "sales flyer" for it being on Black Friday and put a little humor into it - something about not having to get up a 4am to get THIS good deal!
(Can you tell I LOVE Black Friday?)
I think as long as you give people warning and make it clear, like it's on a FRIDAY or a holiday, just making it big and bold and clear. And if they don't like it, they don't have to come.
The people who matter most will be there happily!
Yeah I agree with the above post on the Friday part - I speciifcally wrote on my STD's "Friday - Ocotber 22, 2010"
And I was totally not joking about the sales flyer - now I'm mad that I didn't decide myself to get married that day! wait, no I'm not... I would miss SHOPPING!
But I would def miss shopping if I were invited to a wedding :)
I think if you choose a date on a big holiday weekend like that, then you have to understand if people can't make it. The whole "if it isn't important enough to you" attitude probably isn't helping. that said, people should not be complaining - they are adults and can decide to come or not. Just keep in mind that for a lot of people this is a big holiday and it is a family weekend not just one day (if they travel far, they probably aren't doing that for a day!) - so don't take it too personally if people don't come - remember it was an important day to you, but you chose a day that is probably not the most convenient for some guests!
No matter how much I personally dislike holiday weddings, it is still your wedding and your choice of a date that means a lot to you. For some the holiday weekend will make travel and time off easier (i.e. those within driving distance). However, just be prepared to not take it personally that those who have long distances to travel or family commitments will not be able to make it.
I understand where you're coming from, im getting married July 4th weekend. As long as you give proper notice, then they shouldn't have a huge problem with it! Its your one wedding, black friday and thanksgiving are EVERY YEAR, cant tahey make an exception in their routines this year?!
someoe at work told me yesterday that those who love you will be there for you on yoru wedding day! this made me change perspective!!
I think the post was less about people not actually making it and more about the fact that she is listening to so many folks pissing and moaning (correct me if I am wrong)
People complaining to me REALLY upset me for about the first month or two of our engagement. We were asked TWICE by his Dad to change the wedding date and when we didn't, FFIL pulled FSIL out of the wedding and said it was too much stress for her to make it on a Friday (because she is in college - 5 hours drive, 45 minutes flight)
I don't care what it is, when people complain about your wedding, it DOES suck. We can all say "oh, it's my day and I can only care about myself" but very few of us truly are able to walk that line 100% of the time.
My two cents. :)
in the end even if they do complain which I also dislike, most people do end up going and that is my 2 cents!
@mrtnza - I have to admit I really dislike that sort of comment. It feels empty/fake to me to say that to make myself feel better about someone not being able to make our wedding.
While that may be true in certain cases, sometimes people are just flat out unable to make a wedding. We had friends set their date and get married 3 months later - the same date our house (which was in construction) was scheduled to close and we were moving in. We missed their wedding and I still hear about it two years later - it wasn't because we didn't love them, we just had something really important that prevented us from being there.
I think that your day is your day-- and if people want to be there they will be. HOwever, I do think that the date probably wasnt the best option, especially since alot of people make plans to spend the entire holiday weekend somewhere
I wouldn't of said something like that, but someone at work told me that because I was thinking too much of others and what if this and what if that. I was just saying what they told me and by the way I am not inviting the person that made that comment to me here at work, she is an important person at work too!
People who complain about your wedding date are rude! It stinks to hear it, for sure, but in my book they are the ones who are remiss.I think you should treat them as if they had said nothing out of line to say, "Well, I sincerely hope that everyone will be able to make it. This is the day that is best for us. We will be happy to celebrate with whomever is able to come, even though not everyone may be able to." You will have acknowledged their concerns while still standing your ground.
Different days and places impose different levels of difficulty on guests. If you are asking for a wedding on a poular holiday weekend, you have to be prepared for guests to decline, but they should express their regrets politely, not malign you for your choice. It frustrates me so much when family members assume they get to quit being polite just because they are blood relations to you.
The bottom line is that you have to pick the day that is best for you, and you have to trust your guests to do what's best for them and understand that your wedding might not be their #1 priority (depending on who they are and how close you are, of course). I would try to respond to their concerns but always come back to the fact that you've made the best decision for you and your fiance and you just hope that they will be able to make it.
@mrtnza - I understand and please don't think I mean that as an attack in ANY way :) I think it is one of those slippery-slope comments that could really end up hurting someone's feelings if said in the wrong context.
Oh I know how you feel! I just got engaged 2 months ago, we set the date for 11-11-11. We choose that date for its uniqueness (and so my FH will NEVER forget the date..haha kidding) but unfortunately it falls on a Friday and Veteran's Day. We have already had complainers when we would mention our date with family members or friends. Some complaints because it will fall on a Friday night and others complaining that it is on Veteran's Day. We have two veterans that would be on our guest list, my dad and my cousin, and either had an issue with the date.
Like the others, I would just say I hope you can make it. That's what we have been doing.
And I LOOOVE the idea of your date! How special!!!
We have chosen a weird wedding date: April 1st, 2011, and I have gotten a lot of weird looks! I think it fits us perfectly though since we are both quirky and geeky and we are both determined not to take this whole thing too seriously so I think it's a neat relection of US. Also it would be hard to forget that date. 
It does fall on a Friday evening though so I have gotten a few grumblings about that already. But it was really important to FH that we have the rest of the weekend off so that we could have a short honeymoon and drive up to Oklahoma to a casino and just kick back on Saturday and Sunday. We won't have time or money to go on a longer honeymoon so that would be the next best thing.
It will work out in the end. We will probably have people who can't come or who will be late but nothing ever goes perfectly at a wedding, right?
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So my wedding date is the day after thanksgiving which was my late grandmothers birthday. Some people (family members) dont like the day and have complained about everything that could happen that day (snow, people on holiday) just inconveinience in general. I just want to flat out tell them that if that day is to inconveinient for them then they dont have to come because this is the day that me and FH are getting married and this would have meant alot to my grandmother. However, I know that if I just turn flat out bi***zilla on them there will be big problems. What would you say to these nameless complainers?