Post # 1
Please help me I’m literally freaking out my fiance proposed to me on Christmas and it was one of the best moments of my life, so when he asked me if he could ask his best man’s girlfriend to be one of my bridesmaids, I was perfectly fine with it, I had known this girl for years and whilst I knew she could be a bit of an attention seeker I decided that even she couldn’t be the type of person to make someone elses wedding day about herself…
So she decided that she really didn’t want to be heavily pregnant on the wedding day so decided to stop being a bridesmaid and whilst I had a feeling that she had an ulterior motive I spoke to my fiance and we decided to push back the wedding a few months so she could still be involved. I then mentioned that I wanted my bridesmaids to wear blue dresses and since then she has been sending me pictures of blie dresses that are cleavage hugging and quite mature considering she knows my other bridesmaid is only 13 years old. When I brought this fact up to her she went off on one telling my fiance that I called her a slag and how I was going to make her dress like a child because I felt insecure that she would be skinner than me even after she had baby number too. So after a major row between my fiance and his best man I’ve had to say she can wear whatever she wants. I’m now hearing from other friends that she is looking for WHITE bridesmaid dresses!!!
I don’t know what to do I speak to her and she run’s to her boyfriend who then has a fight with my fiance (who is his best friend)
I talk to her boyfriend and he tells me to talk to her.
I talk to my fiance and another argument happens between the boys.
I’m out of ideas it’s stressing me out so much that I have considered cancelling the wedding and just getting married with my fiance’s mum and dad as witnesses. I want my day I want to look back and think of how special that day was for me and my husband…
Like I said I REALLY need help
Post # 3
Uh, you should definitely just kick her out. You’re not even great friends with her. It’s not worth it.
Post # 4
why is your fiancee so bent on having her in the bridal party? dont change your wedding date for her again!!! id kick her to the curb. your not even good mates with her , as the above comment said.
Post # 5
@SoonToBeMrsTanyaS: Why did you move your whole wedding to accomadate her if she isn’t even your friend? The wedding will only be about her if you let it. Either pick out the color and length and let her pick her own, or pick out something universally flattering and let her choose if she wants to wear it and be a bridesmaid or not. If she escalates your conversations, disengage.
Post # 6
I don’t know why you even agreed to have this girl in your wedding in the first place! Just beacuse she’s the BM’s gf? Who cares who she is, if she’s not close to you she shouldn’t be in your wedding. And I am kind of surprised you pushed your wedding back to accomodate her. You kind of told her with that that what she wants is important. So kick her out or put your foot down and take back control of your own wedding.
Post # 7
@SoonToBeMrsTanyaS: this is so simple. Tell her she’s not in the wedding and as a guest if she wears a white dress she won’t be allowed in even as a guest. end of story. why do these two have so much say in your wedding choices? Sorry OP, but I really think you need to get more of a backbone here and put your foot down.
p.s. personally the white dress thing doesn’t bother me, but if it does, make it clear you won’t tolerate it and move on. do not let someone walk all over you
Post # 8
I would take the 13year old dress shopping, buy a blue dress and then send the other BM a picture of the dress you picked….. and be done with her.
Post # 9
I agree with annb9, give her the boot. She’s not worth the added stress. This is your wedding, not hers. She sounds like she needs to take her head out of her arse.
Post # 10
@SoonToBeMrsTanyaS: She needs to speak with you directly, or not at all. Since she has proven unable to do that, time and again, I would dump her as a bridesmaid. The sooner the better.
Post # 11
Sometimes you have to put your foot down. It is YOUR wedding, yours and your FI. That aside she is putting you in an impossible situation. If you do not like the style of the dress then offer her some alternatives. I understand she doesnt want to be in a dress she doesnt like or is ugly to her but give her guidlines or something. As an alternative if she really is going to wear that dress then maybe your younger BM can wear a dress in a different style with the same fabric, color, and length.
As for the white dress…that is easy…NO! If you are wearing a white gown (sometimes people dont now days) then the answer is simply no way. That is the BIGGEST rule on what to wear to a wedding. Only a bride wears white. (Unless she has said otherwise)
Your fiance should stand up for you and although you dont want him fighting with his best friend. The best friend’s girlfriend should not be belittling your opinion or your day.
Post # 12
@SoonToBeMrsTanyaS: Wait, she isn’t even a friend, but just your FI’s bestman’s girlfriend? I would say that she should be booted out of the wedding party. She is nothing but drama and will continue to be drama. Think, if she is this much trouble now, how do you think things will go when it gets down to the wire and you are really stressed? Your FI should understand your decision and if you handle it in a mature way, that will likely be the best solution.
Post # 13
Sounds like a pain, just kick her out.
Or, start making decisions and not asking for her input. Either way.
Honestly, sounds like you are being kind of a doormat in this situation. Stand up for yourself. I mean…you changed the wedding date due to her pregnancy.
Post # 14
That’s crazy. Kick her out asap, I would also only have conversations with her around either your FI or hers that way she can’t make up stuff.
Post # 15
… Why was your FI insistent on having this girl in your wedding party in the first place? Did his best man request it? Your first misstep was allowing this girl in your wedding party (though I understand why you did it and none of this is your fault), and she’s going on a power trip.
My mind is boggled at the audacity of these people. She should not be in the wedding party in the first place, get rid of her. I would personally contact her and tell her, “This isn’t working out. I think its best if you are no longer involved in the wedding, but we will still welcome you as a guest (grit your teeth for that part). Thanks!”
And on your wedding day assign a big brother or cousin to “guard duty” to make sure she doesn’t do anything crazy (I’m imagining her showing up and trying to get up by the alter by the bridesmaids or something!).
Post # 16
Wait everyone. This is OPs OWN FAULT. She moved her wedding date to accommodate this girl!!!!!
OP – you made this happen by making your wedding revolve around her in the first place.