my wedding is off.

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

silove:  Consider this: per your last comment about your age, my best friend DID go through with her wedding for that reason alone practically, and they were divorced in less than a year. 

The damage is FAR worse then it could ever be breaking off an engagement than a marriage.  

I have 3 words: GOOD FOR YOU.  Good for you for having the strength to realize what’s really best for you even though it may not be the easiest.  Good for you for realize that you shouldn’t have to wait for HIM to be ready, especially since he’s twisting it like YOU’RE the one who needs the “work”.  

This too shall pass… 

Post # 3
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

silove:  i am really sorry you’re going through this but i am very impressed that you had the courage to do what you did. i have never been in your situation so i cannot really offer up any advice. but it seems that there is alot more with him going on than he’s aluding too. i dont know what he means but ‘ready’ to get married. no one is ever really ‘ready’ to get married. same with having kids. no one is ever ‘ready’ to be a parent. you just need to be mature enough to make those decisions and understand the sacrificies that goes along with it. just remember love is not a joke – your x was. love never is. and dont worry about your age.

i called off my last enagement at 37. thought i’d die with a million cats alone in my apartment but no. i picked myself up, started working on myself again (my x did a number on me mentally) and now i am engaged and about to get married next year. i’ll be 39. things will turn around.

but maybe you’ll want to have a real last heart to heart talk with your FI before cutting it off completely. you might just be havina knee-jerk reaction to all of this. but deep down there might be something going on with him that he needs to tell you. 

hugs 

Post # 6
Member
32 posts
Newbee

I can’t really offer much in the way of advice. I do agree with the previous post and want to tell you that you are a strong individual who did the right thing. This WILL pass!

Post # 7
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

silove:  I met DH at 35 after being single for five years, and looking back, I did need the time to myself to grow.  I’ve ended a different engagement in the past, so I know how hard it is, even if you’re the one who leaves.

That being said, if you’re “fiery” (not sure exactly what that means) and he’s not, then it might not be a good fit. I could never be in a relationship with someone who yelled and screamed a lot, but I know that for others, it’s just a normal, expected part of communication.  If you’re hurling insults at him when you’re fiery, then he’s probably right and you do have issues to take a look at.

Post # 8
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

silove:  thanks! yes there were a few dark days in between but i knew i made the right decision as the days went by. it sounds like he’s running away and sadly giving you an immature reason. he might be afraid of turning into his dad and hurting you like his did to his mom but cheating is not part of anyones DNA. he doesnt have to turn out like his dad. as for my x. last i’ve heard hes alone, sold all of his stuff and now living in his parents basement with no job. sad and pathetic. 

Post # 9
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius

silove: sorry that you’re going through this! I will echo what the others said GOOD FOR YOU. In my experience a guy will do what he wants to do. If he wants to marry you (a year away) then he will, all these excuses are just that in my opinion, excuses. You’re firey, yeah ok, so what? Have you not been like that your entire relationship? Were you not the same when he proposed? Something else is going on in his head, whether it’s cold feet or something else, and he is trying to blame this on you and ‘your issues’. 32 is still young! You have plenty of time for things to tern around, after a break up it ALWAYS feels like that’s it, you’ll never meet another guy, you’ll never get married and settle down…you will, and you will be so glad you made the right decision!

Post # 10
Member
415 posts
Helper bee

I know this sucks and you just right now but it’s for the best. I kept asking my husband numerous times if he wanted to get married. He kept telling me yes. I however did not feel deep down he was being honest about his feelings but we got married anyway. Me and my mom paid for almost everything (I cancelled our wedding and we eloped with our moms bc I didn’t want a wedding and me and my mom were paying for everything) we are now getting a divorce the months later. 

Do you love him? Is he with waiting for? Marriage is a huge deal. It’s better to cancel or postpone than get a divorce. Do you want to work on things? I am Italian too and I get that from my husband also but his issues are ten times worse! Don’t let him put all the blame on you. I’ve lost a lot of money and like you most likely will have to start over at thirty, but remember that’s better than a divorce! You two really need to talk and figure out if there is anything left to work on and maybe down the road get married or just walk away. Either way, it’s emotional but you will get through this#

Post # 11
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

 

silove:  First I am sorry. Second, it will be ok. Third, your ethnic backgorund is no excuse for being “fiery”. When you say that do you mean you yelled? Screamed? The automatic decision to break up seems a bit in haste. Perhaps this is something that could have been worked on and thought over for a few days. The decision to leave is always available.

Post # 13
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

You absolutely did the right thing by ending the relationship.

You may be in your 30’s, but meeting the right person and having the life you want can definitely still happen. By breaking things off with this guy you’ve made meeting and marrying the right man for you possible. 

I know this hurts, but it’s for the best. It’s better to break up before the wedding than after it, that’s for sure. 

Post # 13
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

silove:  You seem to know yourself very well, and therefore I have no doubt that you made the right decision.  I don’t really have advice, just affirmation.

You sounded like me 7 years ago: After a particularly difficult period during our engagement, I, too, asked my then-fiance why he proposed if he didn’t think we were ready.  Thankfully, I hadn’t jumped into full-fledged planning, but my heart was already invested in the thought of being married to him. After 8 more months of “trying to work it out” and with only more uncertainty in sight, I completely broke it off and we haven’t really spoken since. 

I relished my single-dom for a few years as I found it to be an opportunity for huge growth.  I learned so much about myself and truly was not looking for a relationship when my now-husband found me.  I married him – the RIGHT man – last year (I’m in my early-mid 30s!), and this engagement was very different than my first one.  This time around, neither of us doubted the other as a future spouse, and it was so nice and satisfying having that security.

Good luck, but I have a feeling you’ll bounce right back and be fine.

Post # 15
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

silove:  I’m so sorry this happened. Your fiance definitely shouldn’t have proposed if he was not ready or felt you were not the person for him! My parents have been married for 35 years. They both have strong personalities, and sometimes they argue, and sometimes it’s heated. But they both fully believe that arguing is normal in a relatiionship (as long as it’s not violent/excessive!), and my mom even says that when you stop arguing, it means someone doesn’t care or isn’t sharing their feelings… this may not be true for everyone, but it is true for them and for many people.  

32 is young! I know probably feels like all your friends have long since paired off and you’re the last one left. I’m a couple of years older so I understand. But seriously, you are in your prime and you have plenty of time to meet someone who is mature enough to commit and to work on things together as husband and wife. For right now, focus on yourself, on recovering from this heartbreak, on spending time with people who love you and will help to distract you from the pain while you heal. I know right now it feels like the pain will never subside – but it will. Hugs!   

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