Post # 1
I feel like a lot of people i love in my life are acting like my wedding is an “inconvenince”. I have experienced a lot of negativity over our planning process which has just intensified as it has gotten closer to the date. We have not asked or expected people to do very much, just attend the enagement dinner, hens or bucks and in the case of our parents, to come and scope out the chapel with us one day (which also fell on FI’s birthday so we used the SHORT trip to have his birthday lunch as well). Both sets of parents have contributed money to our wedding but we are paying for a lot of it ourselves and our bridesmaids were told to choose whatever dress they liked and would wear again (cost them $50 each in the end) and our groomsmen are both wearing suits they already owned and just buying matching ties.
Sometimes I find myself apologising to certain people for inconveniencing them and feeling terrible before I remember that “its our wedding” why the crap am i apologising for asking them to do things that they would have done, and have done for others weddings?
But then I keep getting these same people everytime who make it very clear to me that they are put out and even a little bit of agression on the part of one of them over some imagined slight (I don’t know what the issue is).
It was made very clear at my bridal shower/hens that certain people felt I was being an attention grabber and selfish and making it “all about me”. I tried not to let it bother me as I had a lot of lovely people around me but it’s been bothering me since.
Also, I cried on my hens night.
This is all normal right? People just do this stuff before weddings
Post # 3
@marzipanda: If only certain people feel that way then maybe something happened that you don’t quite remember? Try and think what it could be that’s bothering them.
Your wedding is right around the corner! Everyone, even bridal parties feel stressed. I would invite that person out for coffee and have a talk. maybe it’s some silly misunderstanding!
Post # 4
I think something happened for sure… but I don’t know what it is and I can’t really approach it myself. FI will need to do it and he won’t. We have both been racking our brains for what it coul dbe but honestly we’ve got noth8ing. As for the others…I think they just don’t care, and it’s happened to FI as well as me so it isn’t just a case of being a brdezilla. (which btw I believe very strongly that I am not)
Post # 5
@marzipanda: Hmmm.. I would definitley try to get to the bottom of this before your wedding day. You don’t need this worry hovering over you! You both should make the attempt with this person. Clear the air and party on!
Ha! I’ve been called a lot of names but Bridezilla will NEVER be one of them! LOL I’m basically planning this wedding myself so there are times I wanna scream! but I don’t. 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
I think that you just know some particularly unsupportive people :c Which sucks, and I’m sorry though there really isn’t much to do about it.
Maybe you just need to start being a little more “zillery” and think about you and your FI a little more and just don’t care that these certain people may be being inconvenienced somehow. People like that probably wouldn’t have been satisfied whatever you do.
In regards to whether you’ve done something or not, it could easily be any number of things. Someone may have taken something you said out of context, a few people together may have been chatting and making assumptions about things that are going on. My extended family are particularly good at this, and again there isn’t a lot you can do because logic doesn’t work.
Anyway, I hope you are able to overcome all of this negativity and have the beautiful wedding you deserve <3
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
You seem like you don’t want to put anyone out. Why were they saying you were being a selfish attention-grabber??
Post # 8
I don’t think there’s any particular reason for it. I just think that weddings turn otherwise completely rational people into mentals. Allow me to share some of the comments I have had so far:
– By having a religious wedding, you are forcing your opinions onto your guests.
– Why are you having speeches? They’re boring and everyone hates them.
– What do you mean, you want your BMs to wear the same colour shoes? How inconvenient.
– So you’re having a free bar, but you’re mostly serving traditional beer? That’s pretty selfish. I hate beer. You should serve free cocktails instead.
Also, weddings are really tough to organise, and people don’t realise that. They think you can all just put it off until the last minute. You just need to realise that if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself,and that people are not interested in hearing about your wedding, and will probably take your mentioning it as a chance to give their (often negative) feedback. I would just try and keep quiet about it from now on, and hope it will work out in the end! Good luck!
Post # 9
@Rachel631: when I first read your post I thought the part you posted about comments you received was feedback or advice you were giving! Ha!
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
Someof the stupid things said to me
* I cant afford to come to your wedding in SC its too expensive, why dont you have it in NY (this person is from europe)
* I dont like SC history , why not have it in Jamaica .. ugh this is such an inconvenience
* Your flowers do not need to be real … your spending unnecessary money
* Your wedding needs to be no more than $3000
* I dont want to go to SC, Ive been there before
* (Last night) it is not unreasonable to ask groomsmen to pay for a bespoke suit – either they get it or theyre out
I could go on and on and on
I really hope I remember not to get on peoples nerves like this when their wedding comes around. I honestly cant tell you why people do it but you ust need to not let it affect you and stop apologising for it. My friend said everyone complained right up until the day and then said they loved it. Im hoping its the same with me
Post # 11
From my experience so far, there has been a couple people who have played the “your wedding is so inconvenient / unimportant card with me”. My solution thus far is to just stop including them in things. It’s worked wonderfully and is less stressful. I’m not going to let 2 people ruin this amazing time for FI and I – or for that matter all the other amazing and supportive people who WANT to be involved.
really, it’s as simple as it sounds. If they suddenly feel the need to hash it out or tt me to resolve things they know how to reach me.
Post # 12
same boat here! it’s very disheartening and stressful, i understand. as a result, i realize i am in this thing alone so i am not asking anyone for anything and not talking to them about anything other than what they ask about. this day is about you and your FI and you should be selfish and get waht you want. but because everyone is selfish, they think they deserve to have some say on your day. fuck no!
Post # 13
Your wedding is not an imposition! http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/01/you-guys/ Have you read the book A Practical Wedding? It goes into this idea more in depth and it may provide you with some comfort.
I do think it’s important to remember that when people reveal themselves to be unsupportive or negative, it’s a signal to you that you need to stop sharing wedding details with them. When they ask questions just be vague and positive, “oh we’re working on that, it’s going to be great!”
Post # 14
You know what? Some people are just haters. They are negative and will complain about anything. Maybe there is or isn’t anything you can do, maybe its just their personalities.
I would try to limit your contact with these people, and when you do, don’t discuss the wedding. But try your best not to let them get you down. You will run into these kinds of people throughout life, unfortunately.
Best of luck luck to you!
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
Your guests sound terrible, what the hell!!!!!! Such negative energy!
Post # 16
I didn’t run into any of these problems. Why?
Because other than my mother, who was my totally awesome unpaid wedding planner, I didn’t tell anybody ANYTHING.
I didn’t ask my bridesmaids to help with anything. A few of them helped me put ribbon on invitations but that’s because I was working on them myself and they volunteered. I also had a surprise bridal shower, but I wasn’t expecting one AT ALL. They also came up to my hotel room the night before the wedding, after the rehearsal dinner, to drink margaritas and put together favor boxes. Other than that, my mom and I took care of everything.
My guests knew zero details. They found out the time/date/location on the STDs/invitations.
If you want people to keep their (stupid) opinions to themselves, the best way to do it is to not give them the opportunity to have one. In your case, this includes the bridal party.