Post # 1
preface – yep, my parents are generously paying for my wedding. they are gifting us the most amazing gift they possibly can, and I am utterly grateful. let’s not get in to the “well she payed for it, she gets to pick stuff” or the “well it is kind of hers too, because of the money.” I believe in giving gifts without strings attached. and gifting your daughter the wedding she dreamed of (within reason, lol). I’ve taken a lot of my mom’s advice and she has had a lot of influence on my life and especially in the wedding.
yesterday we went to pay for the flowers. final payment, yeah! so we walk in, and she goes “Hi! We’re here to pay for the flowers for my wedding!”
and no, it’s not the first time she’s done it. she’s done it with the invitations to her wedding, the food for her wedding, about the music for her wedding (and the music that she wants).
I get that it’s really exciting for her too. and maybe it’s a slip up. maybe it’s cool that she’s taking ownership? but it’s really getting frustrating. and when anyone asks us about it, she will go on about stuff we’ve never even talked about.
she’s impossible to talk to about it and any time I hint that it bothers me, she gets insanely defensive and says she can’t believe I feel that way (hello, unjustified feelings). basically, I’m done with this crap in two weeks, and I couldn’t be happier.
Post # 3
You’re in the final countdown. I know it’s ridiculously frustrating! Trust me…my mom did a lot of similar things, and my parents helped to pay for a portion of our wedding, not everything. So there were a ton of things that my husband and I paid for that my mom thought she had a say in b/c she was giving us some money towards the reception.
This isn’t a battle worth fighting. Just get through your 2 weeks and it will all be over. You’ll be on your honeymoon relaxing and this will all be behind you!
Post # 4
That’s annoying! Try to laugh it off. You’re getting married! AHHH So exciting. Hopefully your honeymoon will be relaxing. 🙂
Post # 5
Awww…That definitely sucks! I hate that. I am going through some similar stuff with my mom since she is mostly paying for everything too. But I am in your same boat. I am done with this in just over three weeks. Just got to keep my tolerant face on until then. LOL. Good luck to you too!!!
Post # 6
oooo tough! athough a gift to all of us, mothers can me hard to handle sometimes…but you are soooooo close – hang in there love!
Post # 7
I don’t think you can just blow off the fact that she is paying for everything by saying you think gifts should have no strings attached.
This obviously is a really big deal for her and I think you should suck it up and let her have some fun with it.
Sorry to be blunt, but that is my opinion.
Post # 8
@Oneeleven: would you give someone an iPod but tell them they can only play music you pick on it?
her opinion has come in to play with almost every vendor, and we’ve gone with a lot of her suggestions. I love planning the wedding with my mom. but it’s not hers.
Post # 9
@Oneeleven: I agree. Your mother is giving you a tremendous gift and you seem to be pretty dismissive of it. Of course she’ll have some ownership in it- you don’t spend that much money and evergy on something without taking some ownership! She made a slip of tongue; this is hardly something worth worrying over. It’s also a small price to pay for getting a free wedding, lol. My parents are paying for my wedding too and my mother is taking a leading role in planning it, something for which I am very thankful. I wouldn’t expect her to gift me almost enough money to buy a new car without some strings attached!
Post # 10
@eliwhit: *gurk* the “my wedding” would freak me out too. Are you happy with everything so far, and it’s just her saying that phrase that’s annoying? Then maybe think of a snappy comeback that makes you laugh, then say it (silently) every time she says “my wedding,” and just roll with it. OR make a drinking game…
If she’s strongarmed you into doing a lot of things you don’t want, that IS annoying. But, like you said, 2 weeks!! A drinking game could help here too.
Post # 11
If the giver was involved in choosing and downloading the content of said iPod? Absolutely.
Post # 12
@Oneeleven: I’m in total agreement here. In the long run, is this really important? No. The woman is paying to give you the wedding of your dreams, let her have fun. I wish my parents had helped when I got married.
Post # 13
I’m with you on money not buying the right to make every decision about a wedding. I think it’s BS. Parents should understand that the day isn’t about them, and that the money shows SUPPORT not OWNERSHIP.
Stay strong – choose your battles. Sometimes peace is more important than showing the other person how “right” you are!
Post # 14
The way I look at it and was told is that if someone is helping pay (or paying) for the wedding the money does come with strings. My mother in law offered to pay for my dress… But she wanted me to wear the dress she wanted she was not happy with my choice so Im paying for my dress… If your parents are paying for the wedding they should get to have a say. If you dont want them to have a say you should have just paid for the wedding yourself….
Post # 15
That would seriously annoy me..”a say” does not equal “MY wedding”. I would have probably reminded her that she already had her wedding…LOL. I definitely think that your mom should have a say as far as guest list and the price of things, but ultimately, the wedding should be a reflection of you and your Fiance….and it’s NOT hers….seriously that would annoy me to no end. Two more weeks…tough it out to the end =)
Post # 16
I think OP has made it pretty clear that her mother HAS had a say in it, but she feels uncomfortable that her mother is treating this as her own wedding. It is a negative that comes along with accepting financial support (in ANY situation) but I think you did well, OP, in coming here to vent rather than make a big deal of it IRL. I can understand that it would be frustrating to constantly be reminded of that fact and I think that you prefaced this post making it clear that you are grateful your mother has helped you out.
12 days! Just 12 more days!