My wedding vision changed 3x and FI is mad! I want to elope! Pics.

posted 1 year ago in Venue
  • poll: Should I..
    Elope at Dunton! : (11 votes)
    48 %
    Stick with the DW! : (12 votes)
    52 %
  • Member
    988 posts
    Busy bee


    take a week or 2 off from wedding planning. After that come back and look at your plans and decide if it’s still something you want. Also, it’s not just your wedding, so you have to take your FI’s preferences into account. If he doesn’t want to elope, you should respect that.

    154 posts
    Blushing bee

    Those pictures are so gorgeous! I would def. go the eloping route, how romantic! And honestly, think about how beautiful your pictures would be. And you can avoid all the stress of a big wedding! Does your FI have a vision of what he thinks the wedding should be like?

    2431 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I don’t know what to tell you, it sounds like you and FI need to have a serious talk about it. If you say you can be flighty, I understand his frustration, and I am sure you know that once money is put down somewhere, you CAN’T change your mind anymore. Give yourself some more time, make a pro/con list of both options, show it to FI. Then try to squeeze a straight answer out of him as far as what he wants.

    I don’t think this poll on the bee is going to help the situation much, we can oooohhh and ahhhh over the pretty venue, but it’s you and your FI’s marriage, and it has to represent what you two want as a couple.

    586 posts
    Busy bee

    I like the idea of taking a break from planning. Then in a couple of weeks sit down together and come up with a list of what is important to you especially the budget and guest list #’s, then go from there. Try to remember it’s supposed to be fun, it is that you are marrying your best friend in the world that is most important, the rest is just a blur of a day-a very expensive day. lol. 

    1460 posts
    Bumble bee

    I can understand his frustration, to be honest.  It doesn’t sound like you know what you want.  And, it’s important to figure out what he wants, too.

    Yes, those pictures are lovely. But eloping is a big, and permanant, decision.  I don’t think eloping is the right way to go unless both parties are 150% sure, since it’s bound to cause some hurt feelings in both families.

    I think you’ve already heard great advice from PPs. Take a few weeks off from thinking about it and tell your FI that you need to have a nice date night dinner to discuss it seriously in a few weeks, when you’ve both had time to figure out what you each want.  Then, hash it out and come to some kind of agreement.  May be easier to say than do, but that’s what is fair. 

    1076 posts
    Bumble bee


    Stick with the DW… That place is amazing, and it would be such a great opportunity to really celebrate with people close to you. An at-home reception won’t have the same feel to it!

    I have a friend who eloped, and regretted it hardcore afterward…. she missed out on dad walking her down the aisle, the whole “first look” experience, the fanfare and beauty of the day, the first dance as husband and wife while being surrounded by people that love them, father-daughter dance, etc. She is planning on a “vow renewal” to have a more traditional wedding so she can experience all that, but she herself has said planning it just doesnt have the same feel and excitement, and she knows the day just wont be the same as if it was their original wedding.

    Every wedding, I feel, has guest list drama. It’s inevitable. But you can do your best, and explain your reasoning for choosing the guest list like you did. They will understand! But dealing with the guest list will be a small price to pay for such a beautiful memory!

    6812 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @sweetdee522:  Sounds like he has a vision, but you just disagree with it and with why he wants it. 

    Can you compromise?  DW at Dunton Hot Springs?  Keep the list small so it’s in between what you want and what he wants.

    I second the PP’s suggestion to take 2 weeks off, too. 

    1460 posts
    Bumble bee

    On further consideration, I think you should stick with your more recent DW plans and leave Dunton Springs to a later date (perhaps an anniversary or something).

    As mrskopp2be suggested, I went to the Dunton Springs website to see if a DW there is possible, but with cabins at $1000+ a night, I don’t think that’s a fair expense to ask from your family.   

    And elopements are the right choice for some couples, but it doesn’t really sound like that is what’s in his heart.  Those pictures are gorgeous for sure, but your wedding is about starting a new life together as a couple and as such should reflect your vision as a couple.

    1304 posts
    Bumble bee

    I was all over the place with wedding planning and my fiance didn’t take me seriously at all. Take a few weeks off and come back to it with a clear head.

    He would probably appreciate a break from it too.
    Come that time, you can say “I have thought about it for a few weeks and I am sure this is what I would like to do. What about you?”

    5755 posts
    Bee Keeper

    As someone who has been to Dunton, it is a wonderful place!  You are spending good money if you spend it there!  It looks like you both have some time to calm down and really think about what you want.  Nothing has to be decided today. Tomorrow or even next week.  Get your thought and ideas together, the right way to go will become evident.

    31 posts

    I’ve seen Dunton and it is beautiful. I say if you have the money to rent out all of those cabins than go for it. It’s a unique venue that everyone will remember. 

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