My wedding was ruined and I don't know how to deal with it. Please help.

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee

@Ms. Flowers:  I don’t think this forum is the right place for this; have you considered talking to a therapist?

Member
1862 posts
Buzzing bee

@Ms. Flowers:  Hunnie, you need to let this go. MIL didn’t ruin your day. You allowed her to upset you, and therefor – ruin your own day. Please find someone to speak about this with. I think you need to address your social disorder with a professional, and hopefully this person can also help you move past this. At the end of the day, you are married to a wonderful man – and it sounds like despite her mistake, your MIL truly cares about you and wanted to have a nice wedding for you.

Member
5766 posts
Bee Keeper

In agree with PPs that this may be best worked through in therapy.

Member
6911 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Ms. Flowers:  I definitely think you should talk to a professional about your anxiety, I think it will help you cope with things better in the future. 

Member
5755 posts
Bee Keeper

Well..I am sorry that you are so very upset, especially six months after the fact….since you really didnt’ want to do a large ceremony any way, I would write what happened off as a bungled dress rehearsal, plan something special and intimate just for you and your husband as a 1 year anniversary vow renewal and let the rest go.

Being angry with your MIL over this is not a good solution to the problem, and I’m sure she was so cold and confused because she cannot understand what all the fuss was about, if she’s not familiar with your problem, or believes you use it as an excuse to get your way, her response to you might make more sense.

I am always sympathetic to people who suffer from anxiety, it’s a debilitating and difficult disorder, BUT the instant you allow your anxiety to limit or interfere with your or other people’s lives and the enjoyment of daily activities, and don’t seek treatment, well, then it’s your fault.

I would get into some therapy and also set up a time that you, your husband, your MIL and therapist can sort this all out, because I don’t think she did anything wrong either, more like she misunderstood

Member
9276 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Why not just focus on all the good stuff that happened that day?  You cannot change the past.  There is literally NO WAY to change what happened (unless Doc has the Delorean working…).  Focus on what you can change, which is how you are dwelling on the day of.  Instead of focusing on the girl, focus on what was good.  Try to remember fun details.  

Member
5755 posts
Bee Keeper

@Ms. Flowers:  Well….I think revoking an invitation is a pretty difficult thing to do, and I am sure she lied to avoid upsetting you, or maybe she sub-contracted un-inviting this woman to her son, since they are dating and thought it was taken care of….

I just find it hard to believe she did anything deliberate to upset you, especially since she planned the whole thing for you….maybe the fact that you focus on the ONE thing that went wrong, when so many things were right has hurt her terribly and she feels her hard work was devauled because of one problem…there’s a lot of moving parts in this situation.

And people cry for a myriad of reasons…the damage was done, what was she supposed to do at that point?

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