(Closed) My wedding…then my Bro’s! Im a little hurt! Whats your input?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

This kind of thing really bothers me, for two reasons. One, your brother shouldn’t have scheduled his wedding so close to yours. I know many people don’t agree with me on this one, but I truly do think that it kind of detracts from one wedding when another is so close. Not only that, it could be a possible burden on your guests, since half of them will be attending two weddings so close to one another. I just know that I would never, ever do this to my sister.

Two, it also really irritates me when the groom has close sisters and the bride doesn’t ask them to be a BM. Marriage is about two families coming together, not just the couple, whether people want to admit it or not, and when you don’t involve a sibling, it’s really NOT a good way to get on the other family’s good graces.

Honestly, your brother should be asking you to be his “best woman” if his fiance has no intention of asking you to be a BM.

So that’s my two cents 🙂 I have really strong opinions on these two topics.

Post # 4
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

we didnt ask any of our half-siblings to be in the wedding, so I see her point.  even if you 2 get along great, she probably has a group of girls that she is very close to.  can you wear a black dress with the sash the color of the BMs dresses (if the guys wear black tuxes) and stand up on your brothers side?  just b/c youre not a bm doesnt mean you cant be part of the bridal party. how about a reading?

id be angry about the date too.

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

when my brother married i had zero expectation i would be asked to be a part of it as the bride had her own friends/sisters/ect that she asked to support her on her day – why should she omit a close friend just to make room for me

although in a perfect world your brother should have thought of a role for you for his wedding he didnt, hes a guy and dont forget the bride may have her own vision of her wedding as well so its a really tight line to walk on

just be there for your brother – be happy for him and enjoy the day… oh, and as you will be planning your own wedding during all this time, think of it as one less thing you will be stressed with so you can attend as a loving family member and enjoy

goodluck

Post # 6
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I think he could have been a bit more considerate on the date.  I generally agree you get a day not a week, but c’mon, you are his only sibling and two weeks apart is really close!  The bridal party thing sucks, but she doesn’t know you that well, and not everyone believes in the siblings always being in the wedding.  (we did, my brother was a groomsman!)

Given that you only have one sibling though, I wouldn’t let this ruin your relationship.  It is so sad when people who used to be close in a family lose that over something, that while a big deal, is not worth the loss of a tight bond.  If he won’t move his date, maybe you can have a heart to heart with him to just air how you are feeling so you can move past this?

Post # 8
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Can’t you be your brother’s “best woman” or “groomswoman”. That would take care of that!

Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

your love for your brother speaks volumes so hold onto that, although important a wedding day is just one day so be there for him in every way and dont let your disappointment ruin a really good thing within your family

hopefully you’ll feel better about this soon

 

Post # 11
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I kind of get the not being in the wedding party thing because they are trying to be fair to both sides. Even though you are closer to him than she is to her fam, they don’t want to make a big fight with her side of the family. 

The date thing is really annoying though. Sorry 🙁 

Post # 12
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

the date things sucks, no getting around that… ever thought of a double wedding?

or how about 2 weddings (different times same day) but same reception?

Post # 14
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

   You certainly have limited time when you are in the military. I feel for your parents only having you for such brief periods of time and then both of you getting married. What an emotional month that will be for them!

   About the wedding party… my FI has one sister and 2 half sisters. I had planned on having her in the wedding party but FI only wanted 3 guys and I have 1 sister and two very close friends that I can’t imagine not having them with me. So then we thought we’d have her read something…. but what? We were looking to have a simple ceremony and it is outdoors so… we nixed that idea too. And while I do not belittle his relationship with her she is no more or less important to him or me it is just that he picked who he wanted to stand up with him and I picked who wanted to stand up with me. I don’t really talk to her but I hope she understands and is not offended. But the fact that I don’t really talk to her is part of the reason I decided against having her on my side and am having my best friend.

Post # 15
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Sorry this is hard.  Wedding parties can be tough.  Although, based on what you said, I’d have to disagree that it hasn’t even crossed his or his FI’s minds.  What I’d put him on the hook for, is not even discussing it with you.  You seem to be really close.  And you asked him to be in your wedding.  So I think it would warrant him at least being honest with you… not just not saying anything.  (Which is ironic, because I just posted to another bride to say nothing to  the friends she hasn’t chosen to be BMs….I guess I see this as a different story.)

While not being in the wedding is disappointing, I don’t think actually not being in the wedding is meant as a personal snub, especially not on his part.  When I got married, I wanted my brother to stand up for my DH (standing up on my side, wasn’t done).  But my Dh insisted on having just the guys he selected.   And was certain my brother wouldn’t care that much.  I never asked my brother if it bothered him.  But I still wished he had asked.  A few years later, when my brother got married, I was in his wedding.  I very much appreciated the gesture.  Although I was never making an expectation that I would be asked.   I think in your case, the fact that the weddings are so close together makes it more difficult. 

Post # 16
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Miss Chapstick summed up my thoughts exactly.  My brother and I are also very close, and he is 5 yeaars older than me, and regardless of what his then FI would have said, he’d NOT have accepted me not being in the wedding.  And he also would NOT have scheduled his wedding so close, that is really inconsiderate.  Your parents should really have a talk with him.  And he needs to grow a pair to step up to his FI.

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