Post # 1
So my wedding is 25 days away and I was just recapping the last 15 months of my engagement. Am I just unlucky or is the magnitude of my issues fairly normal?
So I’ll start…
- It was our 2 year anniversary and we had a whole day of events planned; breakfast at my favourite cafe, dinner at a nice restaurant and then ‘walking with dinosaurs’. My FH really wanted to go to this bar we used to have drinks at all the time but I was really tired and said I just wanted to go home, so we did and as I was through the door I went to the bathroom and then sat down on a foot stool and asked for my bday present which he had kept from me all day so I kinda foiled his proposal several times! Hahaha. Anyway he proposed and I was so excited and I picked my BM’s on the spot and txted them all my news.
- We went to his folks the next day and his family were super happy for us and really excited, it was the first wedding in their family. We had a nice sunday lunch to celebrate and I shared my 2001 vintage dom perignon (which I sooo regret!!). FSIL was super condescending saying “you do realise you can’t have a black cake or a black dress.” And I was a bit taken aback by these comment but I didn’t really react. And she was saying, when I showed her a venue I liked “wow, this is actually really nice, I’m really surprised!”. Anyway… She’s a mole.
- So our engagement party plans begin.. I call my mum asking when she’ll come down for it(she lives interstate) and she tells me “It’s too cold, I’ll just come for the wedding.” And I was really hurt by this. Our whole engagement to the wedding has spanned 18 months, she has not been to visit, she can, how ever make plans to go over seas and meet her online bf. Which ended up falling through, and boy I didn’t hear the end of it.
- We wanted to borrow FH’s parents holiday house for a weekend so the bridal party could get together and celebrate. 2 BM’s live interstate and they were both coming down to see us for our engagement. FH calls FMIL and asks for the holiday house and then she asks who’s on the bridal party, and hearing that FSIL isn’t included, she totally flips out! She said that I was malicious and spiteful and I didn’t choose FSIL on purpose so as to hurt her. FH didn’t tolerate this at all, and whilst all that was happening I had absolutely no correspondence with any future inlaws, and then they berate us with threats if we don’t make her a BM. FH had a massive fight with his mum.
- We called FSIL to see if she knew anything about what was happening and she said she didn’t. FH and I talked it over and we decided to make her a BM and she was really happy and said “You asking me to be your BM is like you saying you want me to be a part of the rest of your life.” And that’s all fine and well. How ever a week later I see on facebook that FSIL and FBIL(who was asked to be a groomsman) went out to dinner with all the cousins and didn’t even invite FH or I. He was so hurt by this and I don’t do double standards! I was so pissed that she expected me to make her a part of the rest of my life and then have her turn around and exclude me!! GUH!!
- We refused to speak to FH’s parents until they apologised for saying what they said about me. And even though both FBIL and FSIL were both on the bridal party they both stopped talking to us. His mother refused to apologise saying she did nothing wrong and it was up to us to apologise to her and to FBIL and FSIL for incriminating them in all this drama(?). As far as I’m concerned they incriminated themselves by cutting us off. So 14 months pass and still no apology. Also we didn’t end up having an engagement party because we were hoping they’d come around, but they didn’t.
- We had FH’s uncle’s first child’s baptism and then his wedding, both of which the in laws weren’t invited to. But that’s totally seperate from our isse with them. But FMIL blames us for them not being invited, she thinks we poisoned his uncle against them. And when we got home after the wedding we found a letter from FMIL, demanding more apologies for FBIL and FSIL and also an apology worded like this. “Roadside tom, as FH believes I have wronged you, I am sorry for this as it was never my intention”. Firstly I don’t consider that an apology at all! Secondly how could one not get upset when you call them spiteful and malicious!? And FH just didn’t accept that as an apology. Meanwhile we have a plethora of people lecturing us saying we should just talk to them but I didn’t want to set the precedent that I would EVER cave for them. So they aren’t invited to our wedding and neither are FBIL and FSIL. They are toxic people!!
- So in all of this, FH’s god family have been super supportive. But my MOH was super flakey! Never called or txted or answered my txts!! I’d sent all these dress ideas and she wouldn’t reply to any! I bought all their dresses and I had to guess her size. Then it came time to try on wedding dresses, which, if it weren’t for a random friend wanting to catch up that weekend I’d have gone all by myself! I cried on my bed before I had to go into the city because of how alone I felt. MOH and another BM live interstate so i didn’t really expect them to come and my other BM had just given birth. But I’d finally had it with MOH so I demoted her and promoted my other insterstate BM. I had sent her an emotional msg about how crumby I felt and she never respondeed. And maybe I just took it out on her for the whole shittiness of my situation. I know she wasn’t doing it on purpose and we had no issue, she’s just slack, and I need someone who’d atleast respond to my txt msgs and she was ok about the whole thing and felt really bad she hadn’t made more effort. Atleast this way I wouldn’t really have to rely on her for support and my new MOH has been amazing.
- My mum couldn’t be less interested if she tried, she’d call me up and just ask how my brother is doing, and then talk about her internet BF in Seattle. And how she wants to move there, get married to him and then they’d come back to AUS for my wedding. She could afford all that but can’t contribute anything to our wedding?! GRR. She never asks how my plans are going, nothing. To this day she has no idea of the details of my wedding. I’m so disappointed in her.
- I couldn’t find a dress I liked so i opted for a dress maker who has JUST STARTED my dress. She also likes to not answer my calls or call me back and cancel our appointments and then not call me back to reschedule. So the whole dress thing has been a nightmare!
- AND THEN… Future in laws and FH’s god parents had a massive falling out (they’ve been best friends for 40 years)! God brother started dating FBIL’s ex gf (who he broke up with because he came out gay, I’ll call her Amy). So fmil starts saying how GB and Amy started dating on purpose to hurt FBIL and to tear their families apart. FH’s god parents are going to witness our marriage because, like I said they have been amazing to us through this time.
- So the FIL’s came over one night while I was working on the invites. It was all ugly and then FMIL finally gave me a sincere apology and I apologised for not picking FSIL as a BM as I picked them on a whim on my engagement night, totally unaware of any traditions. Anyway we decided we’d give them an invitation to our wedding. But they refuse to come because FBIL and FSIL are still not invited as their excuse for not talking to us was “we’re too scared of FH”. And thats why they haven’t spoken to us in 15 months. Also while FH and FSIL were arguing she decides to turn to me, point at me and yell “You ARE malicious!” I was just standing there not saying anything!!! F##K! And then she storms off to her room, FMIL follows, but not before saying “excuse me, my daughter is just coming off having the shingles and is not feeling well.” Like that’s an excuse for her being an effing bitch to me. Anyway, FSIL came downstairs and apologised for her outburst. We started to work it out but it all turned to shit again once we brought up GB and Amy. Even if we were to invite FH’s siblings, they wouldn’t come anyway because of GB and Amy. So by default his parents wouldn’t come either, so it’s a stale mate! It’s a week past the RSVP date and his parents didn’t send theirs in. So I guess they just aren’t coming!
- Amidst all of this my mum purchased a ONE WAY ticket for the wedding and wanted to stay indefinitel ywith us but I shut her down. We are like oil and vinegar.
So yeah… That’s as abridged as I can manage… and other than all that, I’ve been busying myself with DIY projects and luckily FH and I also have some other amazing people in our lives.
Post # 3
Yea it sucks that your mom didn’t put you over her online bf but she doesn’t have to spend her money on you or your wedding, but if she didn’t put you first and then tried to move in with you that’s just F-ed up.
I almost ruined my proposal too lol. But in the end it happened and it was still so exciting!
I don’t want to touch the MOH and BM drama, I have BM drama too in minor ways. I don’t know why you were upset by the dress shopping seeing as most of them didn’t live near you and one had a baby. It stinks but eh. Hopefully you were able to get everyone on the same page. In a month I will be meeting up with all my BM’s and they will all met and it will be good. At least I’m hoping it will be.
Your whole in-laws family sounds insane, thank god he is standing up for you and that he has a god family that has stepped in to help you out during this difficult time.
Hopefully you guys can have a less bumpy road to the ceremony! You asked if it was normal I think the proposal and the BM drama are. But his family, no, that’s not normal in my experience that’s just nutty. But like I said at least you have a guy who is strong enough to stand up to them for you. 🙂
Post # 4
I suppose the BM’s not coming with me to my fitting wasn’t really what made me cry but the fact that my mum didn’t even care to come with me, or even ask me how it went, just nothing and obviously I had no future in laws to take. I guess i had this whole romanticised notion of what this time would be like for us and it just hasn’t been all that swell. I also get upset sometimes cos I was daddy’s girl until he died when I was 10 and I’ll watch a movie where the father walks his daughter down the aisle and it almost always makes me cry. But anyway, the most important thing is I’m marrying my best friend and everything else is irrelevant.
And I didn’t mean to imply that how my fiance actually proposed was crap cos it was a really great day and it’s funny when we tell the story. He’s so great 🙂
Post # 5
Eh, I hate flaky, self involved people. You seem to be surrounded by them… Except your fiancée, he sounds lovely. Yay to you for marrying a nice guy who sticks up for you. As for everyone else, they are already so busy caring about their own interests, you shouldn’t have to. It sucks but at least you do have some wonderful ppl around you, like your god parents. You need to try and ignore your FMIL. She sounds like a headache. You need to talk to your mum. Some people just have no idea, unless you say something.
Post # 6
@roadside tom: Oh I didn’t mean to come off that way about the proposal! If I did I’m sorry.
Also sorry about your dad. I would be really sad about that too. 🙁 Your mom just sounds kind of caught in her own stuff for whatever reason. I would be sooo mad if she ignored all that stuff and then said oh by the way I’m staying at your house forever! So not cool.
Post # 7
I was really sad sometimes during my engagement, as both my sister and my mum didn’t seem to care about anything. The night before my wedding i went to my parents’ to stay the night and it was horrible!!! My sister just stormed in, complaining how my “wedding business” just made her spend a bunch of money in clothes and hairdresser..i was crushed..i was getting married the last day and i was spending those last hours on my old home, the attick where we both grew up with our family!!! I didn’t chose her 150€ dress!!!!! I wouldn’t care less if she had bought a 50€ dress!
Then i had to rush to the streets on my nightgown (!) to help split up a troubled cousin from a fight with a drunken man!!!!! I went to bed feeling trully disappointed..but next day..oh next day made up for everything :-)..
Post # 8
im spending the night at a hotel with my interstate bridesmaids and getting ready there. My mum is staying at my place and getting ready there, so she’ll have to wait like everyone else to see me in my dress. She probably won’t even realise the significance of that and I sure as hell aren’t mentioning her in my toast! She Is the most selfish person in the world! One Christmas I got her a silver filled gold bangle and she weighed it in her hands, made a face and said “it feels light.” I felt like snatching it away! And one time I showed her a diamond pendant necklace FH gave me for my bday and she said “it’s so small, why bother?”. She just can’t ever be happy for me. She has really hurt me, never says anything nice about me, everytime i see her, which is only once every few years, the first thing she says is “you’ve gained weight. It’s like she hates me or something!! I love my mum and always tell her so but she’s just so aggravating!
@KellyLouise: I did talk to her but my way of talking to her is to say “why the hell don’t you care!? Blah blah etc etc” And she just says “don’t speak to me like that of course I care..”
and then continues to not take an interest. I give up. I just have to swallow my disappointment and not expect anything from her. I’d fall over in my dress if she complimented me.
Post # 9
stay calm and don’t get stress, you need to look good and be happy on your big day.
Post # 10
I read all of this and I don’t know what to say. I hope your wedding day goes well and like you said “ the most important thing is I’m marrying my best friend and everything else is irrelevant”. Try to have a stress-free day!
Post # 11
Wait, let me get this straight: your future husband’s immediate family will not be coming to the ceremony in part because his brother’s ex-girlfriend (who he dumped because he came out as being gay) is dating your FH’s godfather’s son?
If that’s the case, why the eff does it matter if the gay brother’s ex will be at the wedding with the god-brother? WTF?
Post # 12
@Squee-diddly-dee: that’s exactly right! The inlaws are saying the same thing about GB and Amy as they did me for not picking FSIL.
“you’re disrespectful, you did it on purpose to hurt us, you’re spiteful and malicious”
and then! “you knew it would ruin our friendship with the god parents and you did it anyway.”
And after 15 months of not speaking to us they expect us to drop the entire god family from the wedding so all the Future in laws can come.
WE DON’T THINK SO!
GB has been kind enough to offer to drive me to the wedding with my BM’s in his mustang. Which is more help than any of the inlaws have ever offered me.
My wedding day is better off without them becausethey are so fake.. oh and FMIL said we only invited her to the wedding so we could humiliate her because all the god family will be there. I’m so disappointed in the whole thing…
Post # 13
I have a feeling the FIL’s will show up. They might bring the drama, but they’re coming. I’m sure of it.
Post # 14
It sounds like they are a lot of drama. I’m sorry. 🙁 If they don’t come, it would probably be a blessing. It sucks that they can’t put aside their drama for you and their son, though. Weddings bring out a lot of the bad in people…paticularly dramatic, immature people. They’re like a match to set fire to all the crazy. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. It’s really lame.
Post # 15
@roadside tom: Your FH’s family sounds all kind of special. For what it’s worth, I think it’s awesome that you and your FI are standing your ground and aren’t giving into the selfish, irrational craziness of his family. Good for you! It takes guts to stand your ground and it’s also a bit sad because obviously the relationship between your FI and his family is crumbling, but for y’all it definitely seems like the right decision. Best of luck with it all! 🙂
Post # 16
My wedding is 2 weeks away and one of my BM’s has been avoiding me for the last month. I sent her a txt msg asking when she was getting into town. She never responded. The other day I stressed to her in a msg that I was finalising my wedding numbers and bookings etc and that I need to know ASAP what she’s doing, and she ignored my msg. But she, how ever found th e time to post status updates on facebook. I tried calling her after that and she didn’t pick up. I sent her a facebook msg saying I just couldn’t deal with her anymore. The stress of not knowing if she’s even going to show up for my wedding was far too great so I cut her out. She read the msg 3 mins after I sent it and I still haven’t heard from her.
I feel kind of guilty about it but I just couldn’t take it anymore. I have no idea what’s going on her with. She hasn’t ever expressed any emotional or monetary issues with which might prevent her being a good bridesmaid. Ugh….