Post # 1
I don’t even know how to start this off.
This morning my husband sat me down to tell me he is addicted to porn and talking to other women. He also revealed he has been using pills and drinking. We have been together 4 years. I knew something was up because I came home the other day and he was high off pills. He has also been sleeping with his shorts on and his phone in his pocket. We have two kids together and I just am lost for words. He took some of his parents pills and confessed to his mom about it. He also decided to confess the rest (I didn’t tell him to.) and I have never seen her cry and scream so much. I feel like I have failed as a wife and a mother. His phone has been shut off and all internet connections have been shut down. I have taken all the money out of our account. My dad went through this when I was 14 and I watched it crush him. They are still together but each day is a challenge. We are going to go to counseling and a church addict recovery program. I’m not sure what advice I’m looking for. I’m not sure if I’m asking if our marriage will make it. I just needed to tell someone, to let out all my feelings. I love him more then anyone could. Our children love him. It breaks my heart.
Post # 3
I know how hard this is. I am married to an addict and my sister actually found out recently that her husband had porn problems. This is such a difficult thing to go through but please know that if he is really ready to stop and get help, he will be fine. I would really suggest the 12 step program, I know it’s not for everyone, but it has done wonders for people I know. Stay strong and stick by his side.
Please remember that none of this is because you aren’t good enough. He didn’t do any of this because he isn’t happy with you. It’s all because he isn’t happy with himself. He can’t stop by himself.
Post # 4
@anon007: *HUGS* I don’t really have any advice for you, but I wish you and your family the best.
Post # 5
@anon007: ((HUGS)) I am so, so sorry you’re having to go through this. Just wanted to offer a word of support. You’re doing the right thing by getting counseling – you need professional help to deal with this. Keep in mind that is it a very good sign that he confessed to you and you didn’t just discover it on your own. He may deeply wish to change.
I wish you all the best.
Post # 6
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I am sending strength your way so that you are able to make it through this chapter or your life and be strong enough to make the rigth decision for you and your family.
Post # 7
@anon007: about 2 years into dating FI and i dealt with his cybersex addiction. it was without a doubt the hardest thing we’ve ever been through. easily one of the hardest things I’VE ever been through.
Speaking from the other side of his recovery (though there really is never “the other side” of addiction… an addict is recovering for the rest of their life) I can tell you that it isn’t hopeless, but there it will be a long road ahead and both of you will have a lot of work to do. it won’t seem fair to you and realistically it ISN’T fair to you, but if your relationship is worth preserving it is worth doing this work, but you can’t change someone who won’t change themself.
Therapy was enormously helpful for FI and I. Addiction by definition means it is not something you can solve on your own. My heart goes out to you. You are not alone. It sounds like the love is there and your children deserve a healthy intact family if it is possible. Seek professional help if you can. I would really recommend the following books:
After the Affair by Janis Spring (though it’s different from physical cheating, infidelity has occurred and this book is a wonderful resource for both of you)
Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame by George Collins and Andrew Adleman (FI was really impacted by this book and i think it was one of the building blocks to his recovery)
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I’m so sorry! That face that he confessed shows that he does want to get better though, so that’s a good thing. I’d consider looking into a treatment program that’s more than just a church one, personally. Obviously I don’t know their qualifications, but this is something very complicated and you could use the help of highly trained professionals. Good luck! xox
Post # 9
@anon007: to add: getting to the point we are at now has been one of the most rewarding experiences of both of our lives. i can promise that at least for me, once the long haul was over, it has been worth every second.
Post # 10
So sorry to hear that. I agree that you should also look into an outpatient program in addition to the church one. I am praying for you and your family. Hugs.
Post # 11
Since you have plans on getting him help, this means you accept his issues and hopefully there is no looking back. You agree to be there with him and help him and that shows you are faithful to the (through thick and thin) part of marriage. I believe you will be just fine. Take everyday one day at a time. Keep that line of communication open (for better or for worse) and keep the faith that he will go forward in the right direction. I wish you and your family the best. XoXo
Post # 12
Going through an addiction with someone is traumatizing. You feel like so many things in your life aren’t real anymore, and it seems like your life’s foundation could just vaporize at any moment. I went through my FI’s alcohol addiction/rehab/recovery/relapse/more rehab/more recovery and I honestly would not wish that experience on my worst enemy. I had PTSD from some of the batshit crazy stuff he did during that time.
There’s no way to know if he’ll successfully recover, but the fact that he brought this to you and admits he needs help is a really hopeful sign. It takes a lot of addicts a long time to get there, and many never do.
If he has a serious pill addiction, he might need detox/rehab. I’d suggest consulting a psychiatrist who specializes in treating addiction. I’d also suggest you go to Nar-Anon or even Al-Anon meetings – the strategy for dealing with addicts is pretty much the same regardless of the addiction.
Good luck OP.