Post # 1
So this morning I decided it is time to admit to my fiance that I am not changing my name – he naturally didn’t take it well.
The problem is that I have never wanted to change my name even as a little girl. My name is very special to me and as I will have a professional degree in a few years I truly want my name to be the one I use in my title.
I do however want to use my FH’s name in all settings other than professional and therefore I must legally keep my maiden name, but my states laws allow you to use a secondary name or alias as long as it is used consistently and in no ways fraduently. So it is completly possible and legal to do in my state. Also the suburb we live in is mostly housewives but out of the few professional wives and mothers several use their maiden names for work and married names with the community and their children.
My question is what are you all doing with your last names and more importantly why? I’m just trying to figure everything with this issue out.
Post # 3
I’m in the same boat–I always wanted to keep my name, too, also because it’s very special to me. I thought I was the only little girl who even thought about it! To be honest, I’d consider taking someone else’s name if it sounded good with mine, because I do love the idea of us all having the same last name, but I really don’t want to take his. My name just doesn’t sound right with it, and his first name actually sounds better with mine than with his, anyway! But he won’t change it, which really sucks. The reason I wanted to keep my name when I was little was so I could pass it on to my kids. For now, we’re both keeping our names, but I know that deciding our kids’ names (when we have them) will be horribly hard on me, regardless of the outcome. 🙁
Post # 4
I am changing my last name. Mainly because its traditional to change your last name and I never really thought of not doing it. Also, we already have 2 kids together and it gets really annoying when people look at you like “are you their mother” when they find out your last name is different. Things just get a little confusing and complicated. I like my last name waaaaay better but I kind of like the idea of changing my name to match my husbands and kids.
With that being said, I think it is each persons choice. It is your life and your name and I would do what is best for you. Hopefully you FI will warm up to the idea. I think if it is important to you to keep your last name then you should.
Post # 5
I’m changing my last name but using my maiden name as a middle name professionally (NY doesn’t allow you to change your middle name with a marriage license). For me, it was my choice either way. I really like the idea of a ‘family’ name regardless of whether there are children. A number of women in my circle of friends have not changed their last names which makes me the odd ball.
Post # 6
I am changing my name as well, though I’m sort of getting it easy since I’m starting a new career in August that’s completely un-related to my old career.
Post # 7
I’m not changing my name. For one reason, I’m in academia and will hopefully be published by the time I’m married. My name is easy to recognize (same as a former president) so it makes sense for professional reasons. For another reason, I’m getting married in my thirties. I feel like I’ve had so much life experience and am pretty attached to my current name. Plus i prefer the way my full name sounds with my last name than with his. If someone calls me by his last name, I won’t get all upset or anything and we’ll give our kids his last name. I figure when they call me mom that should clear up any confusion people may have!
I know plenty of women who changed their names then got divorced shortly thereafter. I also know many women who didn’t change their names and have had long, happy marriages. Personally, I don’ see a connection between keeping/changing your name and the quality of your committment.
Post # 8
I’m keeping my name. I told FI about this early on in our relationship. He has always been very supportive of whatever I decide….so he was “naturally” NOT upset.
We both just earned our professional degree (graduation was last week)….and I plan to be Dr. MaidenName professionally but Mrs. FIname socially. Our children will carry his name.
I worked hard for my degree and I it’s important for me to use my name. Also, I will be hopefully published in the next few years and my name is more unique than his. I have a couple other reasons for keeping my name, which FI and I have discussed. We are happy with this arrangement.
A good friend of mine (also graduated with me last week) is doing the same thing. Her mother is also a doctor and did the same thing we are doing :o)
I don’t have a middle name so I may add his name as my middle name in the future. Mostly for legal protection in case of malpractice lawsuits, etc. Maybe
Post # 9
While I’m not entirely in love with his last name (I’ll be an Irish-English girl with a Polish last name) I am taking it to keep the together-ness of the family. But I will be changing my last name to a middle name (while keeping my other middle name for sentimental value) and I think our kid(s) will have 2 middle names (while he has none! )
Post # 10
I changed my last name. Now my initials spell a dirty word but oh well!
Post # 11
I changed because it was important to him and it was honestly never a question for me. I always knew, growing up, that I would change my name once I got married because it’s just what one does.
I can see why some – especially if you’ve got a profession where your name is already established – why some would not – but one thing i’ve learned is that it’s SUCH a huge thing anymore with a lot of people.
My husband has told me there’s no choice I’m changing no matter what. And while a LOT of women would be ticked off about their husband saying that – it’s like “yeah i know – i feel the same way too”…but again – that’s just me…
i love my maiden name – i love my family – very proud of the name – but, TO ME (jmo) it’s just a name.
Post # 12
I changed my name because that’s what I wanted to do. I dropped my middle name and took my maiden as my middle, and am using all 3 names on professional things. I have some awards and a degree in my maiden name, so I wanted to be sure that I would be connected to my maiden name. I love having the same name as hubs, I always knew I would change my name when I got married
Post # 13
I finished changing my last name last week. Just trying to get used to it still. 🙂 I have absolutely nothing against women who keep their maiden names. Nobody should be forced or feel pressured to change their names in my opinion. That said, I like the idea of sharing one name and feel it would be super confusing for kids to have two parents with different names who are married. I like being able to say we are the “Smith” family….anyway, my new last name is Indian and I find it to be just so cool. And it personally makes me feel even closer to my new husband-knowing that we share the same name! Just having trouble getting used to signing it and remembering it. Not sure how long that takes…
Good luck with your decision!!! I’m sorry your fiance is upset. Do you think he’ll come around on this issue?
Post # 14
I’m not changing my name. I was married once before and did change my name and never really felt like myself with the other name. As soon as we divorced, I changed it back and made the decision that if I ever remarried, I would keep my name. I never really worried whether my future fiance would have a problem with it, because I assumed that if I was marrying the right man for me, he would understand. Turns out that I was right. My fiance and I spoke about this issue early on in our relationship. He agrees that it doesn’t really seem fair to women, and understands why a woman would want to keep the name she had identified herself with her whole life. So thankfully it has never been an issue.
That said, my fiance and I don’t intend to have children. I can certainly understand why other women, particularly those intending to have chilcren, might feel differently.
Post # 15
I will not be changing my last name. My dad is the youngest of 13 kids and had two girls! We both decided to keep our names because of it. My fiance is even okay with having our children hyphenate our last names for their last name. Isn’t he great!
Post # 16
I will be changing my name. I couldn’t wait to change my name when I was growing up because my last name has a capital letter in the middle of it (DiF*****)and it annoys me lol Funny thing is my FI’s last name also (is supposed to have) a capital letter in the middle (VanD******! LOL Fortunately he doesn’t sign it with the capital letter, so I probably won’t either