- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
I’m really angsting about whether to change my last name when i get married and whether I’m going to regret either choice. My last name is fairly unique (lots of people call me by my last name) and I really like how my whole first/middle/last names flow. I’ve always been on the fence about taking a guy’s last name. My fiance is understanding, but “would be so honored” if I took his last name. He does not want to change his name(s).
We both come from families where everyone had the same last name and I’m not sure what logistical (or emotional) issues come with all the options everyone posts as a compromise. My sister’s fiance is latino and has multiple last names, and he has trouble getting the ‘correct’ last name into databases. My sister didn’t take his last name and they’ve had to argue with banks about whether they are married. I’ve heard hypenated names don’t go into databases very well (like the social security one). I’ve heard schools give you a hard time about having a last name different from your child.
Are there any other logistical surprises anyone has run across, regardless of which name choice they went with?
Meanwhile, what I’ve though about emotionally:
Pros to keeping my name:
1) I have published under my name and all my degrees will be under my name.
2) I like my names. All of them. I identify with them. And my name goes back to the American Revolution and the Civil War.
3) simplifies life in that I don’t have to get all new documents.
4) I don’t have to adjust to a new name. Which I’m not sure my mind can even do.
Cons to keeping my name:
1) Will I regret not having the same name as my family? (my kids can get his name, that’s fine with me and we agreed on that. I wouldn’t burden a kid with a hyphenated name)
2) All the logistical issues above.
Name options and feelings:
Since my fiance wants me to take his name, I spent some time getting used to a hyphenated name, even though I don’t like hyphenating. I was going to do maiden-hislast name. Then, after a few months of letting it digest, I got drunk and told him I didn’t like it and I didn’t want to. He said ok.
Everyone says the whole “first maiden hislast” is a compromise, but that’s what my mom did and feels very traditional. And I feel like if I did first middle maiden hislast, my maiden name is going to get lost in the paperwork, so to speak.
Things I don’t understand: How do you legally designate middle versus last name? what problems do people have bringing all their names with them? what problems do people have with the social/professional split (something I’m open to)? Do people get confused? I hate nicknames, mostly because I never learn secondary names after someone is identified as a name in my head (my poor ex will forever be “Buff”(his nickname/lastname) in my head, even though I spent lots of time practicing calling him David).
Last night i was thinking maybe of doing first middle hislast maiden. that way his name will be the one that gets lost in the paperwork but it’s legally included??
I really have no idea. Help bees.