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I kind of felt the same way, but it was after the wedding. I didn't even think about it and was at a political function, they didn't have my name on the list even though I had already paid for the event. The girls at the front table went to ask the state chairman about it and he didn't know me by my new name, when he came to the front he, of course, knew me and let me in. It was then I started to wonder if I should keep my maiden name at least professionally, I spent 40 years working all over the country under that name and how the heck are all these people suppose to remember someone with a name they have never heard before. Still freaks me out, I have dabbled with going back into my profession but I do love my new name, what to do, oh what to do.
Haha ok glad it is not only me. I just really do not know how to reconcile it. I think I will legally change it, it is just your name is such a bigger part of you than you realize I guess. Just will take AWHILE to adjust. I can't really talk to him about it because I think it would hurt him a little. Just kinda throwing it out there for you all. haha.
side note: did you get my PM the other day?
Haha ok glad it is not only me. I just really do not know how to reconcile it. I think I will legally change it, it is just your name is such a bigger part of you than you realize I guess. Just will take AWHILE to adjust. I can't really talk to him about it because I think it would hurt him a little. Just kinda throwing it out there for you all. haha.
side note: did you get my PM the other day?
How attached are you to your current middle name? You could always make your maiden name your middle name instead of your current one, and still take your FI's last name as your new last name. There are plenty of bees who have done this and they seem pretty happy with that compromise.
@linguo42: I love my middle name more than my first name actually. My best friend did this and I think it sounds cool, but her mom was pretty upset and still makes comments about her ditching her middle. So I appreciate the suggestion but that is a big no for me. PS we are honeymooning in Vancouver, cannot believe all the bees I see here from there.
Your feelings are totally normal! And I completely understand all the reasons you don't want to change your name--they're a huge part of the reason why both my FI and I are hyphenating our last names. Neither one of us wanted to totally lose our last names, so we'll have both.
Have you considered dropping your middle name and replacing it with your middle name? I know a lot of women do this, like my mom, and it's a great solution for women who feel that four names would be too much. Just something to consider. In any event, don't make a decision you're not comfortable with, and you don't have to decide anything right away. You have time to think about it and get used to whatever you decide to do. Even though I'm not giving up my last name, I still feel anxious about adding FI's last name to mine. It is a new identity in a lot of ways, and that's strange to get used to!
@parasol: See just before your post about my thoughts on the middle name drop but I think you hit it perfectly "new identity." So maybe I should look at positive things that can come from a new identity like wife, mother, new chapter in rest of like and try to push my brain in that direction.
@TrooUPnorthe: Oh gosh, I haven't check it if a few days. Sorry.
OMG! That is exactly the type of thing I was looking for, THANKS! How can you not love anything with pudding?!
I kinda have similar situation! =) People call me by a part of my last name, nobody calls me by my first. I also have been using my own last name in official papers and essays for work-related thingy, so I was a little concerned when I thought about replacing my last name with my FH's. Finally I decided to append his last name so I will end up having two. I didn't have any middle name before, so I will then have three names only. However, the two last names business will be a legal matter. I kinda think to ONLY use my FH's last name for informal and casual affairs, and using both last names for academic and formal writings (I'm working as a researcher). Well, I wonder if this is going to be confusing. Or maybe more like using just the initial letter for my own last name (e.g. Hillary R. Clinton).
I definitely had the same experience. I never realized how attached I was to my last name until we got engaged. My last name represents my family's background. And there aren't many people living that still carry the name so it was really tough. But, it was important to my husband that we have the same last name and I agreed. Once you complete the paperwork, you might just be ok with it. I was, I kinda just stopped worrying about it.
Can you add a middle name without dropping your existing one? I'm not sure how it works in the US as far as paperwork goes, but I've occasionally seen Americans with double middle names, though it's uncommon.
Regarding name changes and careers, I think it's fine to legally change your name and continue using your maiden name in your career, especially if you have a reputation attached to that name. It really depends on where you are in your career; I know my mother faced a similar dilemma when she divorced, whether to keep her married name because they had married young and all her diplomas etc. were in her married name. She went back to her maiden name and decided to stick with her maiden name when she later remarried.
I think that especially in academia, it's common for women to use double surnames. I see that on papers a lot. I think because there's so much emphasis on reputation and credit. If I see Jane Smith and sometime later Jane Wilson, I would probaby never make the connection. But if I were familiar with the work of Jane Smith and later I saw Jane Smith Wilson, I'd at least have the idea they ccould be the same person.
I felt similarly to you at the beginning because I was the last one in the family with my last name. It all ended with me :(
But now that it's changed, I'm getting used to it, and starting to love it :) Now I love representing my husband and his family name, more than my own.
It'll get easier!
Well This is what made me want to hyphenate my name with my darling fiance, and we are both hyphenating, both making the name change is easier in my opinion. Our names flow well together. Honestly I love it, and the whole name change is easier, because to me its not a name change, its an expansion of an identity, and the name hyphenated for both of us, will be a huge symbol of that.
Just my two cents. That is how we handled it.
@parasol: I am doing this with my fiance too as I stated above. Really happy to be doing it. Glad we are not the only ones. It is rare, as many women and men are used to shorter names, and as a country seeing a hyphenated name isn't something culturally we are used to. Unless you happen to live someplace other then the USA where this is more common?
Anyway, as I said above to me its an expansion of an identity, so new in a way, but I still get to retain my old name. So that makes me happy. Hope you are too by now. It took me literally since January to get alright with it. Now I am, I am happy.
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So I have never wanted to hyphenate or keep my maiden name. I always dreamed of the Mrs. so and so and doodled on my homework haha.
But I am having a really hard time thinking about adjusting to a new name.
I played a lot of sports and have a common first name so when I was younger a lot of people called me by last name or a nickname derived from it.
I feel weird because my college degrees are in my maiden name (of course) and I go by that name professionally. Yet on the same token I am excited to change my work email and email signature to my new name once we are married.
I definitely want to take his name and embrace it fully, just having a hard time even picturing it.
I guess I am attached to it, and to my initials, and representing my family. I think having 4 names would be too much as my three names and his are all 2 syllables a piece.
just venting my confusion a little bit I guess. Thoughts? Anyone else feel this way?