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Ehh...it sounds like your plan will still be a lot of work, and still cause confusion amongst a bank, health insurance, payroll, passport, license, etc.
I think you should just change it if you can (just FH name) and drop the ex. You dont need to "prove" a connection to a school regarding your sons. In this day of age, parents have different last names, you're not the only one who's remarried before.
I know its a pain. In a matter of 3 years I've gone from maiden name to married, back to maiden and I'm preparing to take my FH name.
I know the people at the Social Security office by name.
All I can offer is sympathy! I did not change my name back in 1977, when I first got married. And I did not change it in 2009, when I remarried. My children have never had the same last name as me. However, they don't have the same last name as most of their relatives (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins), so they never thought of my having a different name from them as especially weird. I am so thankful at this point that I never got started with the whole name-changing thing.
I am going to keep my ex's last name and hyphenate it with FI's. It seems right to me.
I'm thinking adding a second middle name will be as much trouble as changing your name. I am still using checks in my maiden name with no problems after being married a year. I haven't changed my passport because we are not planning on going out of the country for a bit and it hasn't expired yet. This was a little bit of a pain to get my clearance at work but not the end of the world.
I understand having the kids and hyphening the last name, but how does your FI feel about this? I know if I didn't change my name my FI would be insulted, but that is his feelings and not that of every man. I think you should talk this out with your FI and get his opinion, tell him your thinking and I think you will come up with the answer. If my son were younger, I would be hyphening mine.
I also kept my ex's last name after we divorced. I was going to continue to keep this name after my marriage. It's the name I have used professionally and am know with in my work community.
This plan was not well accepted by my second husband. I saw how important it was to him that I change my name and lose the ex's name, so I did out of respect for him. The name change process was not nearly as overwhelming as I thought it would be, and people I work with have grown accustomed to using my new name. It's been not quite a year now and I too have become used to the new name. I fought it at first because I didn't really want to give up the old name... but now I'm glad I did.
I have too been agonizing over this very issue.
My FI wants me to have his last name and so do I, but I am a mom of an 11 year old boy and know it could be sad to have a different name than my son.
Originally after divorcing the ex, I hyphenated my name with my maiden-ex last name and am wondering how to handle this.
My son actually approached me and asked if he could have my FI's last name or my maiden name for last name. It really makes me upset sometimes but know we need to find a solution to this one.
It is really a daunting task isn't it?
I was in a similar situation. I kept my ex-husband's name after the divorce. It was the name on my law school diploma and the only name I had ever practiced under. My son has that last name.
I really thought a lot about what to do when I remarried. I am recognized by my ex-husband's last name. I was worried that changing it would be a problem...would potential clients find me? When I submitted documents to a court, would anyone know who I was?
I considered being Neva Newhusband socially and Neva Exhusband legally, but didn't really like the thought of keeping the ex's name and using it on everything. I then considered changing to Neva Newhusband legally and just using Neva Exhusband professionally, but that brought up quesions of whether that is allowed in my state. I then considered maybe just being Neva Exhusband Newhusband professionally and Neva Newhusband legally and everywhere else,
Still, I changed my last name to my husband's, keeping my middle name as my middle name and dropping my ex-husband's name entirely. Why? Because I really, really didn't want to keep the name of my ex-husband who was abusive. My husband felt extremely strongly about that. He would have had no problem with me retaining my maiden name, but he did not want his wife to be legally "Mrs. Exhusband."
In the end, I realized I really wanted rid of that name too. There are some downsides -- I have a different last name than my son and I had to change my name in so many places I have lost count. It will take some time for me to be known professionally as Neva Newhusband, so I have to explain a lot that I just married and changed my name.
It was all worth it for me though. I love having the name of my husband and feel like a burden was lifted by getting rid of the exhusband's name. I would think you need to do what feels best for you. Every option has both advantages and disadvantages. You have to choose the name that feels right for you
Thanks for the responses - keep them coming!
I just had to fill out my envelope for August (I'm a teacher and they send back to School stuff in it) and I put both last names, both to help out the office staff and second cause changing is SO HARD! Our secretary hypenated it in her records for convenience's sake - it's going to take everyone a while to look for m under a different letter of the alphabet - but she started calling me Mrs. NewHusband.
Whatever I do, it will take a while to get used to! Good luck deciding to everyone in the same boat!
Good Luck- I hope he will be understanding whatever you choose to do. These are your children, he needs to realize that.
Yes, I am in a similar boat (no children, but an ex whose last name I've been using professionally for years). However, after mulling it over in my mind, I've decided that the best thing for all is to change my last name. My FH is someone I've known for 30 years, and we really should have married years ago, so I'm doing it. The heck with those who don't understand, and may heaven bless their luck at not having to face this issue themselves.
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i know a lot of people agonize over the whole name changing thing. To be quite honest, I've always kind of resented the whole "woman changes her name" thing. Anyhow, when I got married the 1st time, in 1991 (yikes) I didn't really want to change my name but my first husband wanted me to, and most people I know do, so I did. We had 2 sons, eventually. After the divorce I kept his name mostly b/c of the children.
Now I'm getting married next month. Again I'm marrying a man who would like me to change my name and doesn't fathom what a pain in the @$$ it is to not live your entire life with the same name! (little vent there!)
So I've been trying to figure out what to do. Here are my thoughts:
- I kind of feel disloyal to him if I were to keep my ex-husband's name.
- I kind of feel bad if I change and no longer have the same name as my sons although they are old enough (15 & 11) to explain it to people and I don't care if I get stuff from the school with their name on it for me and it's SOOOO common now it's probably not that big of a deal these days.
- I'd kind of like to keep them both but wonder that after they're grown and gone I'll be annoyed I still have the ex's name and won't want the hassle of going to court to get rid of it.
- I'd kind of like to have some things with both names on it to "prove" my connection to my sons, like my checks for sending $ to school and activities and perhaps my passport for traveling out of the country(with them).
- Although I never really cared for my middle name I'm hesitant to drop it for my current last name b/c my mom is sick.
SO (if you made it this far wow) I'm thinking of moving my current last name to a 2nd middle so I can have it on my checks and passport and deal with not having it on my drivers license and then stop using it for the most part as I see fit.
oh, and my sons don't really have much of an opinion, one things I shoud just change y name and the other thinks I should hypenate. (It would be kind of long but not bad sounding)
Comments? Alternatives? Suggestions? I'd love to hear your thoughts!