(Closed) name change dilemma

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Why don’t you just hyphenate your name? I know some girls on here will make their maiden name as a middle name (or second middle name) and take their husband’s last name.

Post # 4
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I didn’t want to change my name because I love all of it. First middle and last.

But Dear Fiance really wanted me to take his name.

I’m going to compromise by keeping my full name, but tacking his on to the end. I refuse to let go of my maiden name or middle name because I go by firstmiddle with many people, and my last name is a huge part of who i am.

My email addresses will remain the same, only legally will I be Mrs. Hisname.

Post # 6
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@MissMaryMc:  That seems like a great solution! I’ve been wavering on the name change idea and I might just use this!

Post # 7
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Lacaena:  I totally understand that whole “own” thing so I certainly don’t judge anyone who doesn’t want to take their husbands last name. To each their own, ya know? I don’t have much connection to my last name so I’ll be giving it up come the time. However, are you two planning on having children? What last name will you give them if you do? Keep in mind, that even if you don’t take his last name, chances are likely that people will likely call you Mrs. Hislastname anyway. Hopefully that wouldn’t bother you.

Post # 8
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Since you both feel so strongly about it, and you’re the one holding the cards here, the decision is completely on you.  You’ll have to decide what’s more important to you: sticking to your guns and keeping your name for your reasons, or changing it because you know it’s important to him.  By changing it, I mean either taking his last name, hyphenating, adding his on, or making your current name your middle, etc.  

I can’t tell by your post if he’ll hold resentment if you don’t change your name, only you know that and only you know what’s right for you.  For me personally, I was resistant at first to change, but I realized it’s important to my Fiance and I really don’t care what my last name is honestly.  It’s just something to write down on documents.  He and I don’t have any issues with power, gender roles, ego, etc, so when I took all of that out of it, I realized it’s just a name (to me).  I also figured it’ll be a little easier in certain situations if our last names are the same.  But that all applies to me.  Other people are super attached to their maiden names and keeping it was right for them, for various reasons from career issues to just liking the sound of their name.

Post # 9
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m dropping my middle name and moving my maiden name to be my middle name, then taking his last name. So instead of RAJ as I am now, I’ll be RJC. My middle name is kind of a filler anyway – it wasn’t chosen in honor of a relative or anything – so it’s more meaningful to me to keep my maiden name then to keep the old middle name. I didn’t want the mess of hyphenating or having 2 middle names, so this was the best solution for me.

Good luck sorting it out with your fiance – it’s a contentious issue for some people but ultimately, you taking his name or hyphenating or whatever – it means whatever YOU want it to mean. I mean, engagement rings used to be given as a compensation for ruining the bride’s reputation if the man ditched her. So many things have different meanings now than they did years ago. 

Post # 10
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

what about using it socially but not changing it legally.

I am doing that for myself until I feel comfortable changing my last name entirely. It would not hypenate well since I use both my first and middle name. My name would be  21 letters long. lol

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