Post # 1
So I have been thinking about the controversy of changing my last name to my fiance’s and so far I have read and heard opinions about keeping my last name, hyphenate, and choose his.
I understand peoples reasonings for choosing their future husbands name for the sake of family unity but why is it that no one ever suggests that the man takes the woman’s name? Or if unity is the goal then why not a new last name entirely?
I almost just want to choose his last name so it’ll be easier and less of a fuss with my SUPER catholic family. But then I would be going against who I am. I dont want to hyphenate because that is just too long. I don’t want him to take my name because that’s like taking his name….to me the only TRUE unity would be to come together and choose a new name.
Post # 3
I mean most of us have already gotten our name from a man. I don’t see what’s wrong with doing it again.
But… I know there was a bee on here not that long ago that decided on a whole new name. I don’t think it’s unheard of. If he’s comfortable doing it, why not!
Post # 4
@feministgirl: I HAVE heard of couples combining their last names into a new one. It’s an interesting idea. I personally hate my last name and have always looked forward to changing it lol My SO didn’t really have much of a say or even time to consider it before I said I’m taking her last name. I definitely don’t like hyphenated names though, my first and last name is so long already, I’ve always wished I had a short name so I could never hyphenate.
Post # 5
If that’s what the two of you want, go for it! I live in Oregon and I remember this being an option when we applied for our marriage license.
Post # 6
We were also thinking of him dropping his last name and us taking his middle name. First off…I love his middle name way more and it just sounds really good for both of us. I guess my main concern would be that family would just not understand (I know I shouldn’t care but I cant help but care about my family’s concerns.) It’s kind of like I make an issue about our last names and not just taking his but then I decide to take his middle name….
I guess it comes down to opening everyone up to a new way. I want to make a statement of equality and I don’t know if taking his middle name is doing that.
I wish the family was on board but when I brought up the thought of a new last name…that just didn’t register.
Post # 7
In my own personal opinion I think you are ahead of the times. I think Jay-Z took Beyonces last name though?
I’m just going to take my future husbands name because I hate hypenating…such a pain for traveling and such. Also it’s a fine last name.
@deetroitwhat: I never thought of it that way before…we did get our name from our dads!
Post # 8
@feministgirl: I’m a pretty strong feminist and will change my name. It is easier with kids and paperwork. I’m not super attached to my name, it is easier for me to change paperwork wise, so I will change. I like tradition and cannot come up with a good reason not to change it.
Plus, I am just as much of a member of my mom’s family as my dad’s, even though I have his name. And marriage makes me and our children members of both.
Post # 9
@VikingPrincess: Haha I have always thought of it that way. So its like whatever, I really never had my own name to begin with. I just changed it.
Post # 10
I’ve been struggling with this too. So far I am keeping my own name and my husband is keeping his. But when we have kids I don’t know what we will do.
Post # 11
I am of the opinion that feminism is about choice, and if you choose to take your husband’s last name, that is the choice that you have as a woman with equal decision making power as a man. I plan to take my SO’s last name when we get married, my maiden name was given to me by a man also, so I don’t see a problem with taking another man’s last name.
With regard to changing your last name completely (as in both of you take a new last name), that is a lot more difficult legally speaking. In most states, you would have to get a court order to allow that, so I think that’s why not very many people do that.
I think you should do whatever you feel is right, knowing that whatever you choose doesn’t make you less of a “feminist”
ETA: I had a professor in law school do an interesting thing. When he and his wife got married, he legally changed his middle name to her maiden name, and she changed her middle name to her maiden name, and her last name to his last name. So they both had the same middle name (her maiden name) and the same last name (his last name). I thought it was a really clever way to allow her name to continue in a way, but also be able to both have the same name as their children. I’m sure the paperwork and legal hoops they had to jump through were a nightmare, though.
Post # 12
Right now, I don’t have plans to change my name, but from my lunchtime coversations with married coworkers, apparently it makes it a little more difficult to do certain things like pick up your child from school if you have a different last name. It’s such a process too (fees, changing your ID, passport, etc). At this point, I have a wedding to plan and the name thing is really the last thing on my mind. Will probably have to figure it out when I get knocked up though…
Post # 13
FI and I are BOTH hyphenating our names, so we’ll both be Firstname Mylastname-Hislastname.
Post # 14
The fact that you even have a choice is purely due to the success of the feminist movement, so don’t think that by changing your name, you’re selling out the cause or anything.
That said, DH’s parents took one another’s last name when they married, which is not common but it does happen.
And I chose to keep my name rather than changing at all, for a variety of reasons that really shouldn’t matter. Again, the feminist movement is what allows us each to have a choice.
And I have never felt “less” unified with my husband than I imagine I would feel if I’d changed my name. We do not raise eyebrows when we check into a hotel or make a large purchase together; random strangers do not mistake us for “just friends.” We act as, and are treated as, husband and wife in all things. To us, the name is of little consequence.
Post # 15
@LilliePad: “I am of the opinion that feminism is about choice, and if you choose to take your husband’s last name, that is the choice that you have as a woman with equal decision making power as a man.”
This is what I believe as well.
Post # 16
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@feministgirl: Keep your maiden name that you were born with and decide whether you are okay with people accidentally calling your Mrs. HusbandsLastName from time to time. I had a friend in school and her mom kept her maiden name; the only weird part was meeting her for the first time and calling her Mrs. HusbandsLastName only to have her correct me by saying “No, I am actually Mrs. MaidenName.”
I really don’t want to change my name professionally because I have a job where I have made a name for myself with my maiden name. However, I don’t mind going by Mrs. HusbandsLastName casually with friends, family, and acquaintances because we plan to give our child my FH’s last name.