Name change – "it's important to me that we/our family have the same last name"

posted 2 weeks ago in Traditions
Post # 16
Member
4932 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

curiouslystrong :  Actually I occasionally work with someone this happened to.  I remember wondering when I first met her if that was her maiden name (wth were her parents thinking) or married name (funny coincidence).  It’s a source of amusement for a few minutes and she is constantly referred to by both names, at least in my hearing, but I don’t think it bothers her at all.

If it were me, I think I’d take the married name as well.  That’s just one of those traditions that is important to me for whatever reason.  The reasoning bees give her to get up in arms about name changes are fully stupid in my perspective – a lot of things happened hundreds of years ago that we maintain traditions for without the ‘bad’ aspect, so I just don’t give a crap.  I look upon taking my husband’s name as a sign of unity and while sure it could just as easily go the other way, it doesn’t traditionally and also my maiden name was a pain.

Post # 17
Member
2238 posts
Buzzing bee

curiouslystrong :  He said those words to me. That and “it will show the world we are a team.” I said no. 

Post # 18
Member
7811 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

 I’d probably still take his last name and try to laugh about it. Meh. I personally don’t want to have a different last name than my children.

Post # 19
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

I personally know of two that took the name anyway.  Joyce Joyce and Terry Terry (yes, she was a Terry and not Teresa or other variation).  After the initial “omg – how weird quirky whatever” it’s no big deal.

I probably wouldn’t do it but I’m not big on the whole name change thing anyway and don’t believe last names are what makes a family.  Or maybe I would if I had a name that was conducive to it and really like that name.  As it is, I love my name and I’m almost positive my name would never be someone’s last name so it’s a moot point for me.

Post # 20
Member
3879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

curiouslystrong :  Lauren Bush married David Lauren, Ralph Lauren’s son. I believe she just goes by her maiden name.

If this were me: Firstly, what a hell of a first name I’d have. Wow, my parents must have *hated* *me*. Secondly, I would probably suggest either he take my name or we pick a new one together. No way I’m becoming Meowton Meowton for the sake of his pride. 

Post # 21
Member
604 posts
Busy bee

Westwood :  I’ve always wondered about this. If for some reason you were to remarry in the future, would you *not* take the man’s name and keep your former married name in order to maintain the same last name as your children?  What if you were to have more children with the second husband? 

As someone who didn’t change their name and also doesn’t want children, I’m genuinely curious how people who want their family to all have the same last name would deal with the above situation.

Post # 22
Member
1958 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

DH’s last name is the same my middle name. We opted to take an entirely new name together!

Post # 23
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

OP, only you can make this decision for yourself, but I personally would not want the confusion of having the same first and last name. It sounds very complicated to me. If he is really set on having the same last name to have the same last name for the whole family, then I personally think it would make sense if he takes your last name.

emsindy :  IMO tradition is all nice and lovely, except when it is something that you don’t want to do or would make your life needlessly complicated. I feel like having the same first and last name qualifies as the latter.

And with your talk of tradition and preservation of the man’s heritage…isn’t preservation of a woman’s heritage important too? If you don’t think it is, why shouldn’t it be?

tinneranne2 :  Most women I know who got divorced after they had kids didn’t change their last names back to their maiden name so that they could have the same last name as their kids… but if they remarried they tended to change their name again.

MrsMeowton :  On the website of the company she is CEO of and also on her Instagram she goes by Lauren Bush Lauren. I assume that that’s how she wants to be addressed…since she’s in control of how she is addressed in those two places. I noticed Wikipedia doesn’t address her that way, but I also assume she’s not editing Wikipedia.

Post # 24
Member
4165 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

tinneranne2 :  Yes, if faced with that situation, I’d keep my first married name if I remarried, especially as long as my children were at home. I would NEVER have my children be the odd people out in a new family. Then again, I would also be extremely hesitant to enter into any new relationship while my children were young, anyway. I cannot see having the time to date much, and I would never have a man I was not going to marry around my kids. As for having more children? That would not be an issue for me. I planned to have three; I had three. Any new man would have to accept that no more children were in the plans for me.

Post # 25
Member
1358 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

My ex MIL did not change her name, however if she had really done the traditional thing and moved her maide to her middle she would have been the same middle and last name. Like S. Jones Jones.

When the ex and I got married and my mom was doing the announcement for the paper, she called me and asked, is that her name? Becuase she wanted to put their full names so people would know who she was with her maiden name. I said “No, just put S. (whatever her middle name is, it escapes me at the moment) Last name.

I understand it wanting the same last names, but I would have to come up with another option, if it meant having the same first and last name. I would at least hyphenate, and definitely be sure that everyone knew that so there was no confusion.

Post # 26
Member
1358 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

tinneranne2 :  I am divorced, my two oldest children and I share the same last name (because I did not change from my previous name) but FI and I have an 11 year old daughter, who shares a last name with her father. It can be confusing at times, but it is what it is.

When we get married, I will change my last name to his, but it will not stop me from responding to people if they call me by the other children’s name. I remember this happening when I was younger to a friend’s mom by one of our classmates who did not know. I corrected the classmate and the mother of the friend just said “It’s ok”. As long as it is nothing legal or formal, then I won’t worry about it.

Post # 27
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Was just coming here to mention Lauren Bush Lauren, but I see someone else got to it first.

I would not change my last name so that I had the exact same first and last names. We’d have to come up with some other solution.

Post # 28
Member
7280 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

 

curiouslystrong :  I would likely recommend my husband take my last name in that case or that we come up with some hybrid name together. I wouldn’t want to be Ashley Ashley or whatever. 

Post # 29
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

franklymydearidont :  That’s why I note, “change your name to his if you want“. If she doesn’t want to and it creates complication with the same first name/last name, then certainly I don’t think she should change it to his. I’m not changing my last name once we get married and I don’t give two s%$#s about what’s tradition. I was only saying that if she think it’s imporant to have the same last name for tradition sakes then the tradition is taking the man’s last name, that’s all. I’m allll for the man taking the brides name, but if I’m being honest, I don’t know a whole lot of men that jump at the idea. 

Post # 30
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

tinneranne2 :  this happened to a friend of mine. She and her daughters have her ex-husband’s name; her current husband and their son have his name. Somehow, they all still know they’re a family (all three kids are under 12), so I think some of the fears on this score can be overblown.

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