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I actually took a slight offense to that article. I think she missed the point that women should have a choice and NOT be chastised for their decision. I plan on keeping my career AND my identity and...gasp!....I am taking my FI's name because I simply like it better!
I totally agree... the author comes off as very cynical. She also makes some less than valid points.
"What does the Witness Protection Program do when they want you to disappear? They make you keep your first name and change your last name. When someone illegally assumes someone else's name, we say an identity's been stolen; when someone legally assumes someone else's name, we say...you're married."
Actually... I think if you go in the Witness Protection Program, they move you, change your occupation, change everything. Not just your name. Also, identity theft is more than just somone assuming your name... they use your credit, address, bank accounts, etc. Sooo yeah not too much of a fan of this article. And I don't agree anyway, I'm happy to take my FI's name :)
I don't plan on changing my name but that article was pretty offensive from any angle you look at it. The point is that we have a CHOICE to change, not that we do or don't. Changing your name doesn't make you less strong as a woman. Changing your name shouldn't matter to anyone but you and your husband.
I love the idea of having a family unit embodied by the decision to have the same last name. However, I love my current last name - a lot. So, I will have FirstName Middle MyLastName HisLastName. It's long and probably obnoxious, but I don't care. My last name is part of me now and for the rest of my life. I won't abandon it, but I also don't think I'm conforming to anything by making this decision.
The article?? I'd say bitter with a sprinkling of overly sarcastic.
I also was highly offended. I'd rather take FI's name in solidarity than stick with my father's name that I had no choice in! Bah! I thought she was way out of line...but typical for a journalist.
Well, considering she started out by calling wedding invites, "bills written in calligraphy" I think that explains her personal viewpoints pretty clearly. I really don't think she's given much evidence in her article to prove that your lose your identity just by changing your last name. I also think it nearly ludicrous that she would call Iran a "progressive country."
I fully support someone's decision to keep their last name, I just don't want to be accused of setting women back 50 years by not keeping mine.
Sidenote: I had my father's last name for over 27 years. The last name name of someone that has showed me nothing but neglect, disinterest, and self-centeredness. I was more than happy to lose that "Identity" and take on my new name. I did attempt to bring in my mother's maiden name as part of my middle, but it was not allowed.
That was really nasty, I actually decided on my own to change my last name, and if someone else decided to keep theirs, I could never go around talking that bad about them.
I'm keeping my last name. I wasn't offended per se by the article. Rather, I think the author misses the mark. Instead of shoving it down women's throats that they betraying all womanhood by taking his last name, I think society needs to be more accepting of men changing their names to their wife's name. The few guys I know who have done this were definitely teased about being whiped. THAT is truly offensive to me. I do agree that my name is a huge part of my identity and why should I have to give it up while my FH gets to keep his.
I told FH that if he wants us to have the same last name then he needs to consider changing his and maybe i'll change mine. I personally hate FH's last name and have casually mentioned to him that he should shorten it. He began to argue about it being his identity and tie to his family and ancestros, to which my response was AH HA! now you see. so the deal is, when he's ready to shorten his name, i'll change mine to his.
It's women like her who give feminists the angry, bitter, bitchy, and illogical stereotype.
Her message is valid but it gets lost in her attitude.
@ Meowkers, I couldn't agree with you more. It should be more acceptable to go the other way.
I liked the article. I don't necessarily agree with all of her views, but I like that she voiced them. I'm keeping my name. He's keeping his. And when we have children, they will have a last name that is both of our names. Simple and, more importantly, we're both comfortable with it.
@meowkers: totally did the same thing. but not even for the last name! i suggested he take my last name as his MIDDLE name and he struggled with that. I was like, see, it's not so easy!
Hey - "A Rose by any other name" right?
I saw this article this a.m. & I kind of take offense with it too. Just because I want to take my husband's name doesn't mean I'm all of a sudden going to go all mush brained & turn into June freakin' Cleaver!
Lose my identity?!? Who is she kidding?
@ CaliSun I'm with you. I just like my FI's last name better. To each his own. I'm 50/50 on the whole thing. His name is way easier to spell and pronounce than mine and it's a pretty standard name so no one's gonna mess it up. Haha
And to the author of this article - I also know a ton of women who keep their name professionally and take their husband's name for everything else. Plus - I bet it's a lot less hassle booking a flight or calling your cable company as "Vera Becker".;)
After I read this article, and I was going to come on here and make the two points that Blueshoes did. This woman made arguments with about 50 loop holes. She obviously has some very poor analytical skills and makes no valid arguments.
As others have said, women have a choice, and much like abortion, it's a very PERSONAL choice that should be supported either way. In the age of women's suffrage, NOT taking HisLastName was an act of rebellion, and we live in a much different society now. For the most part (with the exception of your typical wackjobs), men don't see women as property, and don't find it necessary to label them as such with their own last name.
The way I see it, women change their names these days because they enjoy the sense of unity it brings to a family, and I see nothing wrong with that. Or often, like me, they simply like his name better. So yes, I changed my last name when I got married, and I'm proud I did. I don't look down on women who don't, and applaud any decision a woman makes in this situation because they do what's best for them, and gosh I'm happy we have that choice. And I'm pretty sure that Lucy Stone's not rolling over in her grave, considering the opportunities we have now.
I would also like to add that I do not consider my name my identity. As others have pointed out, when the columnist referred to identity theft, it's not your name they're taking, it's also your SSN, CC numbers, bank accounts, etc. My name is a means to identify me, but I consider my actual identity physical traits and personality as well. Not to mention, we're all assigned names when we're born anyway. We have no say in them, but we're able to change our first names when we're 18 (or 21?) if we don't like them. What's the difference when we get married? The point is, it's still a choice.
I just feel like this woman is so closed-minded, and sounds like
I thought it was a great article. There have been studies showing that women who change their last name make less money than those who maintain their maiden names and are passed over for promotions more often. Why should women change their last names? Names are an integral part of who we are and the history of women's names is a consistent history of denying rights to women and treating them as second class citizens
"the history of women's names is a consistent history of denying rights to women and treating them as second class citizens"...what? Correlation isn't causation. Just because women have been screwed over in the past and also took their husbands' names in the past doesn't mean that taking their husbands' names is what's been screwing them over.
I'm a big feminist, but I'm taking my husband's last name (keeping my maiden name as a middle name). It sounds better with my first name and demarcates us as a family in the traditional Western fashion that everyone around me understands, so it's meaningful to me too. My identity isn't just my name. It's not even mostly my name. Not even close. I doubt there'll be an identity crisis after I change my name. I still have all of my past experiences, goals, ambitions, etcetera--that's what really constitutes my identity.
@AllynK43: Do those studies only study women who are married and have the option to change names? Otherwise it could be skewed by singles who are less likely to have children (therefore less likely to have maternity leave, etc. that could setback their careers).
I think the author of the article doesn't realize that many of the Hollywood stars still use their "maiden" name, but are legally their husband's last name (and that their Hollywood name often isn't their real name to begin with). Kelly Ripa is actually Kelly Consuelos for example.
The article was too flippant for my taste.
However, anyone who is talking about CHOICE is missing 3/4 of the feminism story. If it was truly socialized as an unconstrained, gender-neutral choice, roughly as many men would change their names as women. Given current practice, obviously there's something in the water.
These days name changes come down to personal choice. I don't believe that if I change my name that I will be less likley to have a successful career. I do believe however that with children my career has taken a backseat until they are in school at least. And at this stage I am not married, so I can't blame my changed name on that decision. But at the same time, I am taking the opportunity to complete further education in my career path so when I am ready to return to fulltime work I will have more qualifications behind me.
I have decided I will take my FIs name when we are married. But that is also partly because I decided the children would have his last name. It was a hard decision for me, and I thought about them having my name, his name or a combination of both......but in the end I decided to give them his name, no real reason except that it felt right for me. And while we are a strong family without me having his name, for me its the last piece in the puzzle, and I am happy for the change.
So each to their own!
By saying things like "Would you buy a gown off someone named Vera Becker as opposed to Vera Wang", I feel like she's feeding into stereotypes which is silly and kind of offensive. I think people should do what they want. I'll admit, if I liked my FI's last name more than my own, I would change it too! Why not? To me it's about what sounds better. I don't think it's that big of a deal.
I find this article offensive, narrow-minded, and anti-conservative.
@jocelyn3476: Precisely! You said it better than I ever could.
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http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/11/05/o.change.name.after.marriage/index.html
The gist is that our names are our identities, and they matter. And then she gives a list of famous married women who kept their maiden names (although I think she forgot that 'Angie Pitt' isn't married). I'm personally conflicted about the name change debate, but I thought this article was a bit flippant, and not at all convincing.
What do you think?