Post # 1
I was married before, and we have 50/50 custody of my DS, who is 5. Since he cold talk, it has been very important that the people in his family have the same last name. Now that I am getting remarried, I plan to keep my last name the same as my son’s and hyphenate with my new husband’s last name. I have heard that I am supposed to do [ex’s last name]-[husband’s last name], however, I think that sounds funny. Is there anything that says I can’t do [FI’s last name]-[ex’s last name]? I am a teacher, so I will hear Mrs. and my last name all the time. I will be at the same school and my son will go here next year too. He will be upset if I only go by FI’s last name. I hope that makes sense, and thank you for your help!!
Post # 3
I’ve heard that it always goes in the order in which you’ve had the name the longest:
First name, maiden name, married name, second married name.
Post # 4
I don’t think there’s any reason why you CAN’T put it in whatever order you want, at least not that I’ve ever heard of!
Post # 5
I do think you can do whatever you want. Hyphenating is a good idea though. I simply added my husband’s last name, and kept my maiden name, without any hyphen – and I find that people now have a tendency to choose between the two names, calling me by whichever one they like – and that the majority of people somehow choose not to use both names. That’s not a big deal to me – I mostly wanted both names on my professional licenses and in the company phone book, so that people could still find me – but it sounds like it would be a big deal to you. I think that as long as you hyphenate, you’ll be fine.
And honestly, no matter what you do, there is going to be some confusion. People who don’t know your last name, but know you primarily through your relationship with your son, will assume your name is the same as his. The same goes for people who know you primarily through your relationship with your husband. Everyone who knows you for yourself will actually called by your new (hyphenated) name – and everyone else, you can either correct or not, as you choose.
Post # 6
There’s no rule about which name has to go first, at least not one I would be inclined to follow! If you like newname-oldname better, go with that.
I imagine some people put the new name second because it’s less of a change and more of a…lengthening. But you should do what works for you. However, it might get more prone to getting shortened to the first name only, especially if the kids you teach are young and not great at pronouncing longer names.
Post # 7
It doesn’t really matter to me what pople call me (I almost wish I could drop my ex’s name, but its VERY important to me that I have the same last name as my son) I just want to make my son comfortable, since his friends will probably have me for their teacher! He has even said that he wants to have his name hyphenated like mine after the wedding!
Post # 8
I agree – do whatever the heck you want! As long as it’s okay with you/husband/son/the government then feel free.
And suzanno is right, people who know your husband will assume you have his last name, those who know your son will assume it’s his, and your students will probably call you by your old name all the time anyway. 🙂
Post # 9
yeah I’m the same way I am filipino and my name sounds Spanish, my fiance is english, i dont know whether to take his last name or hyphenate; easier if I keep my old name because I’m a professional and have licenses, but I want to honor him and display I am married; with a hyphenated name it will be 5 syllables!
Post # 10
@sea otter: your comment about your son wanting to hyphenate like you made me think, have you considered changing both you and your son’s last names to your fiance’s last name? Or both of you hyphenating? Or your son hyphenating and you changing entirely?
I’m sure whether the son’s name-change-option is even on the table depends on a zillion different factors, but it’s not unusual for kids to do this when they’re still really young. Just a thought.