Post # 1
Hey bees, I’m curious about something…what is the trend in your social circle in regards to changing your name?
I’m asking because in the past week, I’ve gotten several rude comments about my choice (which is weird, because before this no one really commented either way, and it’s not something I bring up often, so to get a few comments in the span of one week was odd). I had always kind of assumed that it was about a 50-50 split between changing and not changning, or maybe even 60-40 with the slight majority changing their name, but I’m wondering if I’m way off base?
For the record, I’m not changing my name. And when I actually sat down and thought about it, I realized that most of the women I know who are married or will be getting married soon changed their name, with maybe one or two who hyphenated. I’m in my late 20s, and most of my friends are as well, most with some sort of professional career.
What about you? What trends seem to go on in your social circle? How old are you? I always perceived that younger brides (like 20-24) were more likely to change their name but almost everyone I know married around or after age 25 so….maybe not?
Again, this isn’t really a post to debate the merits of changing or not, or to call into question anyone’s choice- I’m mostly just wondering about the demographics of name changes, I guess. Thoughts?
Post # 2
I am 25, in central NJ, from a somewhat religious upbringing. Everyone I know changed their name, but I’d hope that people would be accepting if someone chose not to.
ETA: I’m actually 26. Oops! Way to go, brain!
Post # 3
I don’t know anyone that didn’t change their name. I’m 21, typical age of marriage in my area is 21-24, I don’t think I know hardly anyone who married after 25, so maybe that has something to do with it?
Post # 4
I’m in my late 20’s, in the South and do not know one woman that did not change her name.
I do know a woman my mothers age who did not change her name, but she is a doctor and kept it for her professional practice.
Post # 5
In my social circle (friends and colleagues), I’d say about 2/3 – 3/4 of the women didn’t change their names when they got married. In fact, at my job (where everyone has a masters or phd) not one single woman changed her name, and we have…I don’t know…20 married women? Among my friends who did change their names, most now go by 3 names (like “Hillary Rodham Clinton”). My friends and I are in our mid-30s, but some of us have been married since our 20s.
Among my family members, though, it’s a totally different story. Only one of my sisters-in-law and I did not change our names (out of 7 sisters/SILs). All of my cousins changed their names, too. The women in my family are also college-educated, some with postgraduate degrees, but they tend to be more conservative. My social circle is quite liberal.
Needless to say, my family don’t really understand why I kept my name (I get “Mrs. Husband” on a lot of mail still), but my friends mostly didn’t bat an eye.
Post # 6
ClaudiaKishi: The vast majority of them changed their names, at least socially. But most eventually switched at work as well.
For now, I will assume his name socially, but I’m waiting to change at work, I think. But we have the option to do this where I’m from.
Edited: I’m 32. Most of my friends married in their late 20s and early 30s. Most didn’t change their names right away at work, they waited until they thought it wasn’t going to affect anything (reputation-wise). If your name is important to your rep, most don’t change it. My sister is a PhD and has a number of publications under her belt. She will not likely change it professionally, ever, if and when she does get married.
Post # 6
I’ll be 25 at my wedding in January and I’m changing my name!
Post # 8
p.s. I live in the northeast. My job is in NYC.
Post # 9
ClaudiaKishi: Everyone in my circle has changed their name. I’ve yet to meet someone who hasn’t changed their name. Even one of my girlfriends who was staunchly against changing her name ended up taking her husband’s name once they were married. However, I will say that I think it is most likely different if these women were a teacher or an established person with their maiden name. Many of my professors in college either kept their maiden names or only went by their married name in their personal life, maiden in professional. I tend to see that more with women who have established themselves under their names already and don’t want to change it.
I’m changing my name just because I don’t have this strong attachment to it. Nothing against my family or my family name, it’s just that I was always excited to take my husband’s name. I have a brother and two male cousins to carry on the family name, so I’m not worried about it dying off. One of my really good friends has said she will never change her name when she gets married. She loves her name as it is and is already established with it (published papers), so she has zero plans on changing it.
Post # 10
ClaudiaKishi: I’m 30 (28 when I got married), live in central NJ, and everyone in my social circle took their husband’s last name. No hyphens or changing the maiden to middle name either.
Post # 11
ClaudiaKishi: I’m 25 and no one in my circle kept their name. I’ve considered keeping mine but have ultimately decided to change it. I know one lady about my mom’s age who kept her name and hyphenated her kids’ names.
Sorry about the rude comments you’re getting. I don’t know why anyone else thinks it’s their business.
Post # 12
I’m 25 and most of my friends got married in their mid to late 20s. Almost everyone changed their middle name to their maiden name and then added the husband’s last name. That’s what I did as well after some debate (I really didn’t want to change it at all). Many of my friends go by both names professionally (like Hillary Rodham Clinton). I’m a lawyer in the midwest and my social group is similar professionals with degrees beyond college.
Post # 13
Interesting! I guess my perception was waaaaaaaay off. Like, way off. LOL. I guess we tend to assume that our reality is the “normal” one, so I kind of assumed that since I’m not changing my name, because why would I? lots of other women kind of see it the same way. Of course it’s a very personal choice, so please don’t think I’m knocking anyone who made a different choice than I did 🙂
playdohpants: Yeah people really need to keep their nose out of it haha. I’m very secure with my choice but I won’t lie, I was kind of taken aback.
Post # 14
I estimate that my social circle (women in the 30s-40s who grew up all over the country but were largely educated in major cities) is somewhere around 80-85% not changing. If I ever do get married, I believe I will be the only woman in my family on either side not to change her name.
Post # 15
I live in Auckland, New Zealand and women in my social circle ranged from their early 20s to early 30s when they got married.
M got married at 22 and kept her last name.
S got married at 26 and changed her last name.
A got married at 26 and changed her last name.
T got married at 28 and kept her last name for about two years but changed it eventually.
B got married at 30 and kept her last name.
I’ll be getting married at 27 next year and I’ll be hyphenating.