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How's everyone doing with the name change thing?

I said that I was going to do it, but I find it hard for me to start using his name. I have had a career for fifteen years or so. Now professionally I have to be known as his name? I thought I could be okay with it, but it's hard.

I want unity with my husband. I liked the idea of changing my name because it shows solidarity and creates our family. I want the same name as my children (one day when we get around to that).

But, I feel like it's still not fair that the woman changes her name.

It's also a weird thing that whenever I say I am married, everyone asks what my husband does. And not in a just curious making conversation sort of a way. Even in our evolved society with soooo much more equality than our mothers could have dreamed of, being married does up our status. My husband is in finance, so I guess I give a good answer, but I don't like that I raise in "status" based on his career. Was I not good enough before I gave that answer? (I have three college degrees and I teach exercise...it could sound slacker but it's not that bad heheh)

So I could ask my husband to take my name too, but he wouldn't do it. He's conservative. I'm not into the hyphen thing. I don't want to hyphen my kids names. I just have to suck up and deal with it.

I keep telling myself that the woman changing her name is arbitrary, but it isn't.

I know that I could just not do it--I might not now. I said on my marriage license that I was changing it--I don't know how that would affect me later.

My super conservative/sexist parents keep sending me things that say Lisa (his last name) and I cringe. 

Thoughts anyone? How are y'all doing it?

Oh yeah. And I am keeping Ms. No Mrs. for me. Ms. I will always be.

I always thought that I would looking forward to taking my soon to be husband's last name.  Not anymore.  It's one thing to kind of imagine that in the future and write my name with a boy's last name with it during class in high school, but it has become a whole different thing as an adult. 

My FI expects me to change my last name. I plan to take his last name socially, but I'm not sure if I am ever actually going to legally change my last name (which he is unaware of).  It's just weird to me. 

Seeing as you have been working for 15 years, I totally empathize with your situation as well.  It's just weird.  I think it would be different if I was 21 and just out of college getting married, but I'm not. 

I like your sister cannotwait. That's true.

My husband suggested that I take my grandmother's name as my middle name because she was so influential in my life and my upbringing. But then I was like, well that was her husband's name. What do I take her maiden name? Mulle was her married name. It works as a middle name. You say it like: Moo (like a cow) Lay.

But Garafolo doesn't work as easily.

She's so conservative, she wouldn't even want me to do that. It would actually offend her to be honest.

I think proessionally I am going to be Lisa (My maiden name) (His name). I guess. But I may not legally change it either...AAAHAHAHAHHAh

That DMV trip will be like the green mile if I'm not careful.

Keep the thoughts coming bees!

I'm not married yet, but we did just get our marriage license and in CA, you pretty much have to decide when you fill out the license. I never wanted to take a guy's name but did consider making my last name a middle name and his name my last name (for future children). But in the end, decided to stick with my name. When we have kids, they're going to have my last name as their middle name. Granted, they'll probably still only go by his last name, but people will just have to deal with the fact that their mother has a different name! Oh, and my fiance actually doesn't care at all - he's fine with me keeping my name.

I live in a REALLY liberal area and I have really liberal friends. I feel like people actually would look down on me if I changed it. None of my married girlfriends have changed their names. I would be the odd one out--the super conservative who made them all wear the pink prom dresses as bridesmaids. Actually, a lot of my friends may never marry...

Aaahhh

But you all really helped. Maybe I'll feel better after a good night's rest.

I'm not changing mine. It may be my dad's name, but the cycle needs to be broken somewhere. I told my FI I'd be happy to change my name, but I'd expect him to change his as well. He totally gets it, and we're both keeping our names.

Our kids will have both our names, hyphenated. I can understand wanting to share a name with your kid -- I don't like, however, that society assumes that the child's name will inevitably be the father's name.

I go back and forth on this issue.

The feminist in me says that taking his name plays into patriarchy and the whole idea that women are objects to be transferred from their father's possession to their husband's possession. It worries me that taking his last name gives signals to society that while I am queer, I've bought into compulsory heterosexuality because I happened to have fallen in love with a man. It says that while my name can be difficult (first and last!) for people sometimes, its a piece of my heritage- letting everyone know a part of who my family is, and frankly, I like that. I love when people can pinpoint where my name is from because 99% of the time, they are wrong, but when they are right, I know they know it because they too are from that area of the world. I like how my names sounds, how all the letters fit together into a kind of song-like flow which i find pleasing. I don't want my last name as my middle name because I already have a perfectly serviceable middle name and my last name does not in any way sound like it could be a middle name.

But I like the idea of being united in our names too. I love the idea of creating a cohesive family unit out of two pieces. I don't like hyphens. I want to share a last name with our kids. While I am already starting to be known professionally under my last name, its still early enough to change that without damaging my future career (or simply confusing people). I like the idea of sharing a last name so that if we ever teach at the same university/college, people will know we're married. And his last name is short, super easy to spell, and people never have to repeat it like mine. He wants me to change my last name and says that it'd upset him if I didn't because he feels its a rejection of who he is and where his family came from. He is conservative in this way and I can see him growing to be annoyed over time that I didn't take his name, having to always explain that to his co-workers and friends. He likes the idea of us being a cohesive family unit Under His Name. He won't even think about changing his last name to mine.

But I don't like how my name sounds with his. Our two cultural names clash, sounding ugly when together. They don't flow. They don't sing. I don't want to have to change my initials. I refuse to hyphen. I don't want to hurt his feelings.

This topic is very very difficult, and I am glad I still have 10 months to work on it!

I completely agree with wonderlanded and mskalinin on the matter!  I'm not changing -- I would if DH did, too, but at this point we're just keeping our own names.  As for the three arguments mskalinin mentioned, 1) I don't see any reason for random people to "know I'm married" and they can always just look at my left hand if they're that curious; 2) the kids will be fine, and we'll give them my last as their middle, mainly because we do a lot of international travel so I want it in their passports; and 3) my name is MINE.  It's incidentally my father's, too, and my brother's, and my aunt's, etc.  That doesn't mean it belongs to me any less.

My husband would prefer that I change my name, and comes from a country where women don't have the legal option to just keep their own names.  It's a little strange to him, but we had several discussions about it and he understands my reasons.  He's still a little sad, but nothing compared to what I would be if I caved in and changed my name.

I never thought I would mind taking my husband's name, but after the wedding I just didn't feel like it. After a few months he started to get a little antsy- asking me if I was still going to, offering to go with me etc. So I finally did it and I don't really like it right now, I know it will just take some time... but I miss my old name and sometimes I wish I had just hyphenated. It's weird because objectively speaking I think my new last name sounds better with my first name, but I'm still emotionally attatched to my maiden name.

I feel like feminism is having the option to choose what you want, not to have a "woman's name" or a "man's name" or to have to take one or the other.  Different countries and cultures have different traditions, Western countries tend to lean towards the patriarchal tradition.

I see myself as fairly feminist and liberal, but I am changing my name to my fiance's.  I like the tradition, I like the idea of sharing a name with our family, I like the ease that comes with it, and I've always wanted to be a "Mrs".  However I totally understand that other people don't feel this way and I am so glad that they (and myself) have the option to do something else.

I don't get why other people don't see this and judge people based on a name!  So silly.

What was it, Princess Consuella Bannanhamock? That's how Phoebe from friends dealt with it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOQ63l7Nl8c&feature=PlayList&p=C5D6D235F0E92F8B&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=4