Post # 1
As much as possible, I’ve followed most tenets of wedding etiquette to a T.
When I sent out the Save the Dates, I used my guests’ formal, given names. However, I’ve been told by some that they hate seeing their given names and want to only go by their nicknames.
Despite this, I’m still planning on addressing my invitation envelopes with their given names (no inner envelopes). That’s what I should do, right?
And I’ve set up an online RSVP on our website, and I have them listed by their given names also. Should I change their first names on there to their nicknames out of respect?
For the place cards, I’ll definitely use their nicknames. But if this is the only place I use their nicknames would that be ok? Or do you think I’d be pissing them off by continuing to use their given names on the envelopes and RSVPs too?
Post # 3
@fzesguer: If someone has told you specifically that they don’t want you to address them by their given name, I would not address them by their given name. If it didn’t matter, they wouldn’t have said anything.
Post # 4
@fzesguer: I’m not sure what they are bellyaching about regarding addressing envelopes–they are going to throw it in the garbage. I addressed all my invites to “Mr and Mrs Anthony Soprano” instead of using “Tony”.
For everything else though, I would use the name they prefer to be called, especially for place settings. Your guests should not be in a postion where they have to correct the people sitting around them who will also use those cards to learn/remember their names if they don’t happen to know them.
Post # 5
I would just address them by their nicknames on the envelope. If you do choose to go with their chosen name though on the envelope I would use their chosen name for the online RSVP. If I rsvped online I would expect the name that I have to type in to match the name on the envelope. I think it might be confusing otherwise.
Post # 6
@fzesguer: you should do what you want.
i used everyone’s formal name for invites. no one cared or said anything to me. we have a Harry who goes by Chick and I used Harry.
for the seating cards, I will use everyone’s nickname or less formal name. Jeff instead of Jeffery.
Post # 7
@fzesguer: A person’s proper formal name is the name that he or she prefers to use in proper formal situations. If someone has told you that their preference is to be addressed as “Mrs. Michelle Obama”, then you do not call her “Mrs Barak Obama” even if you secretly believe that you are right and she is wrong. If someone has told you that he is “Mr Al Phipps” you do not address things to him as “Mr Aloysius Phipps” no matter how much you loved the great-grand-uncle Aloysius for whom he was named. People know their own proper name — formal or informal — better than anyone else does.
Also, I think brides should chose to use inner envelopes OR write-in lines on the invitation proper and not forego both, and I think that formal names should use either title and surname for formal events, and just given name (with surname where the given name is ambiguous) for informal events, but you didn’t ask my advice about those things so I am just being pushy and opinionated by mentioning them.
Post # 8
These people specifically told you they would rather go by their nicknames, so that’s what you should use on everything.
Post # 9
@fzesguer: No. You should always address someone by the name they have indicated as preferred. You aren’t the revenue service, or their health plan administrator.