Post # 1
We had our DS a couple weeks ago. He came earlier than expected and unfortunately we still had not decided on a name when he was born.
We had agreed that for our first child I would pick the first name and DH would pick the middle, and our second child would be vice versa. For my whole pregnancy I kept asking DH for name suggestions and he never wanted to talk about it. He had a couple names but I absolutely hated all of them. I had a name that I loved and was hoping that he would come to like the name as well.
In the hospital we could not agree on anything. We were those people that left the hospital without naming our child. I was mortified. For the next few days we stressed out trying to find something. Then the hospital kept calling us non stop because we needed to fill out the birth certificate, AND they couldn’t bill our insurance until we had a name. After almost three days and pressure from everyone around us , I gave in to one of the names that I absolutely hated. I cried in the car after signing the birth certificate. My DH thinks I just need to give it time and I’ll magically like it.
I can’t even bring myself to call my son by his name, so I just refer to him by the pet name I called him before he was born. I keep almost calling him the one name I loved so much. I don’t know what to do because my husband is dead set on this name. He loves it and since it was part of our agreement I feel like I can’t say anything. But in my defense, we both agreed 100% on the name we picked for our first born. I want to cry every time I think about it. I’m embarrassed whenever anyone asks me what his name is.
Has anyone gone through something similar? Did you really just “learn to love it”? Would it be completely wrong to change his name (if DH would even agree)? I just don’t know how I will ever accept this or get over it and I feel awful.
Post # 2
He’s your child, why shouldn’t you change his name if it’s not working out? How doesn’t your DH feel about changing it. If you can’t bring yourself to call him by his legal name I imagine he’ll end up going by something else anyhow.
Post # 3
Change his name, no big deal. It’s been done before. He’s a human child, not a dog, he won’t respond to the thing for like a year anyway.
Post # 4
I don’t fully understand. The agreement was that you would pick your first borns first name, so why did you agree to a name you hate over a name you love? Based on your post this was your decision to make and no one else. I don’t know what is involved in changing a newborns name but if you feel so strongly to use the word hate to define his name then I think you should seriously consider changing his name right away before it sticks.
^ Disregard above, was under the impression this was your first child. Sounds like you need to communicate your feelings to your husband and see if you can quickly agree to a name you both like.
Post # 5
Just change it and if everyone does not like it, they need to get over it
Post # 6
Pinkmimosas : Is this your second child? So, you chose the first child’s name and your husband chose this one’s? If that’s the case, I think you kinda need to suck it up at this point. I would not have made that agreement, but you did so unless he picked something really crazy, I think you should honor the agreement.
Post # 7
j9marie : this is their second. They agreed on the name for the first born.
OP: I’m so sorry you feel this way. Is there a nickname you like? You can change baby’s name..or you can just call him something else altogether, if you want. I know several people who go by names very different from what they’re named. E.g. a friend named Robert goes by Derek, a friend name Kieran goes by Shannon, etc..
Post # 8
j9marie : I think this is her second child so by thier agreement her husband would pick the first name.
OP – you can still change his name if it’s this upsetting. Or you can have your own special nickname for him. Talk with your husband about it and come to some sort of agreement.
ETA: Just out of curiosity what is the name?
Post # 9
Thank you amanda1988 and hikingbride, I definitely had that one confused!
Post # 10
From what I hear, the postpartum time is especially stressful with all the changes in your life and with your hormones. It will be ok!
I would be spending as much time as possible with my new baby rather than worrying about his name. You shouldn’t have signed for that name if you really didn’t approve it. Either learn to love it, or call him his nickname. Do you know why your DH loves this name so much? It might help to know the motivation to choose the name. I too have heard of guys who are called a name completely different from their actual name. I don’t think you can really go wrong.
Post # 11
Change the name. There is absolutely no reason for this to be happening and it’s not fair to you or your son. You and your DH can agree on a new name, and your son will always get to tell the story about how his name used to be something else.
Post # 12
I’m curious to know the name too, since you write that you are embarassed to say it to people.. is it an unusual name?
I think that if the name is like “John” and you just personally hate this name and would not have chosen it, I think you could keep that and call him your own special nickname, or perhaps your DH is right and it will grow on you. If your DH named him Crap Bag, then go on and change it.
I do think generally it would also be ok to change it anyway, even if it is a common name, but you do say you agreed DH could pick the name out and that he loves it, so you’d have to come to that agreement together.
Post # 13
Oh wow. I think you should change it. Yes you had an agreement, but a little common sense should go with that. It should be obvious that names one of you actually HATES are out! Your DH should never have forced you into a name.
Post # 14
Pinkmimosas : In all fairness to your husband, you got the chance to name your first child and agreed to his suggestion for the second. You shouldn’t have agreed when you hated it so much.
I think since it is affecting you so much to the point of leaving you in tears, you should change it but your husband should still be able to choose the new name (unless you still hate every one of his suggestions, in which case I think you should just let it go and be more flexible). Otherwise, it isn’t exactly fair.
Post # 15
I understand that it was part of the agreement for him to name this child, but is your husband not concerned that you truly hate this name and it’s embarrassing you and really upsetting to you?
I mean, you grew this baby for 9 months and gave birth to him. I think despite any agreement, you are entitled to pick a name you both love. I would change the name. It might take some paperwork, but worse things have happened. I’m more concerned why your husband thinks it’s more important to uphold this agreement and bully you into this name than to see his wife (who gave him this child) happy.
Change the name. Find something you both love or it will always bother you. You can’t even bring yourself to call your baby boy by his name. If your husband doesn’t think this is reasonable despite knowing this is devastating you, then I’d say you two have bigger problems than the baby name.